I used to be Valente Grimani. At 18 I legally changed my name. I turned 24 on August 9th, 2013. My mother brings me from a heritage of Siciliani Romani. My father comes from a family of prosperity left behind generations ago. My name is Wall Grimm and the following pages are the recorded evidence of my existence.
THIS IS A DRAWING I DID OF MYSELF:
Once upon a time Grimm was bitten by a Zombie. Then he became a Zombie too. He thought that was really weird and both sucked and was also awesome.
THESE ARE THE RULES ABOUT BEING A ZOMBIE:
1. Eat flesh
2. Eat brains
5. Follow in hordes
6. Look stupid
7. Remember how to use doorknobs
8. Wear a helmet
1. Get yourself mutilated
2. Be the first in a horde to get to a victim with a gun
THIS IS MY SHANTY SONG:
Captain Grimm had too much to drink
Captain Grimm is on the brink
Captain Grimm can’t even think
of anything else that rhymes with drink
and he doesn’t know of a shanty song
he’s kind of a pirate but he belongs
more with a caravan traveling long
and far, and not in a car
yeah he’s a little drunk
a fucking little punk
writing a dumb poem in the third person
MY NAME IS WALL GRIMM AND…
I like pizza, beaches, camping, woods, animals, nature, rivers, oceans, blow jobs, sex, igloos, coffee, books, friends, traveling, psychic ability, MST3K, lots of different kinds of music, tattoos, girls with tongue rings, hot air balloons, The Kids in the Hall, social media, book stores, libraries, college, running, skiing, going to clubs, watching girls dance, smoking cigarettes, dinosaurs, Einstein, Dr. Who, MythBusters, Kari on MythBusters, I really like Kari on MythBusters, masturbating, masturbating and Kari on MythBusters, Emma, Edgar Allan Poe, being a Gypsy, Stephen King, hearses, morticians, mantids, egg nog, monsters, movies, Halloween, boxer briefs, bikini briefs, helicopters, train rides, the Red Sox, the Patriots, the Bruins, concerts, street performers, magicians, Santa Claus, hot showers, people, being high…
I DON’T LIKE:
I don’t like being high, social media, friends, college, smoking cigarettes, bikini briefs, the Yankees, the Celtics, Santa Claus, the Great Pumpkin, cold showers, stupid people, people who piss me off, rude people, superficial people, politics, condoms, child abuse, animal abuse, global warming, space travel freaks me out, Uncle Dan, the shadowy guy, suicide, being caught pissing in the woods by other hikers, the smell of shit, when other people fart in my apartment, eggs, pork, onions, toenails, being poor, needing a job, not having a girlfriend, being American (sometimes I think if I only had some kind of accent, my entire life would be completely different), and girls who become stalkers…
THIS IS MY PHILOSOPHY OF INTENTION:
When someone is a good person and it’s not in that person’s nature to purposely hurt someone, yet they do by accident, you can’t really get mad at that person. That person’s intentions are usually good, so that’s what matters. Just tell the person that what they did hurt you, and they will feel badly and try to be more aware next time.
MY NAME IS WALL GRIMM AND I AM…
a cowboy constable, threatening harpist blues punk pain in the ass who doesn’t need as much advice as some people think. I’m a pain in the ass gypsy known as Valente Spirto, Valspirto, Valente, and sex. I’m a boy toy, kept boy, badboy, a constructive and destructive force of fire. I’m shelter and a patriarch. I am a challenging consumer with evil spirits ready for my beckon call. I’m a nice guy, best friend, a pet, and a potentially obsessed symbolism attributor. I’m a chew toy, a dick, a god, and an annoying fuck who deserves chairs smashed over his head. I’m the guy in the kilt, the kilted cowboy gunslinger, an unpredictable, sometimes dangerous guy, usually reckless, but quiet and antisocial. I’m the go-to reliable guy, a loser, a gypsy pagan great guy to have around for Beltane. And though I’m cool, I’m the guy who farts noxious fumes in class. I’m the hot older guy, a lost cause, and I’m sometimes liked. I am Grimm. I am Wall Grimm.
That is an amalgam of what other people think of me. All summed up like that, excluding some people, their opinions, some more positive perspectives, or my own thoughts of myself….well, I guess that might just make me a good writer in the end. Either that or I’ll die alone. Maybe both.
THIS IS A SONG I DEDICATE TO EMMA:
[Wall Grimm Picture the drawing of Wall Grimm was in response to his greatest fan’s request to know what he looked like. http://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/ (all drawings sketch by Sage Doyle).]