Posts Tagged With: walking dead

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 162: Spam, Terminator Penis, “Walking Dead”, & Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day, 2014

It’s really early in the morning on Valentine’s Day.  Classes were cancelled yesterday and today because of the storm.  It’s a nice break.  Anyway, there are three things I want to talk about today.  My name is Wall Grimm and I want to talk about Spam, “Walking Dead”, and Valentine’s Day.

WALL GRIMM’S THREE TOPICS OF DISCUSSION

SPAM – For some reason my email refuses to delete my spam, regardless how many times I set it to do so.  However, it does send all the shit to the spam folder.  At first I was annoyed that it didn’t delete it, but now I find it kind of entertaining.  Now and then, I look through and find some that make me laugh.  I did that this morning, and I recognized a kind of theme.

Based on all the spam I get, people are just trying to give me money, enlarge my penis, make it strong and thick, keep me hard for hours, and fuck me.  They also want to introduce me to single black women and feed me Burger King.  The only thing that doesn’t tempt me is the Burger King.  I’m also not married so…sorry Ashley Madison, it wouldn’t really be an affair now, would it?  Oh yeah, and I don’t need a stronger, thicker, larger penis and it stays hard for plenty of time.  Ok, so maybe I just want the money and the black women.

This is literally the list of spam I have this morning from the past few days:

“PLEASE ACCEPT MY OFFER FOR CHARITY PLANS”

“A STRONGER, THICKER, HARDER PENIS – FREE TRIAL, 100% GUARANTEED” (do any black women come with that trial)?

from Ashley Madison “Life is short.  Have an affair.” (I got this one from Ashley Madison 21 times)

“A STRONGER, THICKER HARDER PENIS -FREE TRIAL 100% GUARANTEED” (I got this 2 more times)

from Ms. Jessica Kone “Attn. Urgent/Confidential*” (she wants to give me money)

from Mrs. Agafia Anatolius “MY HEART CHOOSE TO BLESS YOU.” (with money she wants to transfer into my account.  I got this one twice)

“View Photos of Black Singles in Your Area”, (if there was a single black woman in my area, I think I’d know about it, but that’s a perverted pun, so ignore I said that.  Anyway, I got this one 18 more times)

“Preapproval Notice”

“RE: $9,950.61 Deposit”

“A $25 Victoria’s Secret car for YOU!” (is this so I can shop for the black women or Ashley Madison?)

“Claim a $25 BurgerKing Card”

“You have received a $25 BK notification!”

“NOTICE: $10,000 Approvals Within 7 Minutes”

then finally from Ashley Madison “Your Wife Will Never Find Out…”

And every single one of those emails came with an attachment.  It would almost be cool just to open them all and see how fucked up my computer would be as a result.

So yeah, money, Terminator Penis, black women, sex, and Burger King.

That reminds me that I forgot to mention women of all ethnicities in my list the other day about how I love women.  I’m very attracted to black women.  Indian women do it for me too.  But all ethnicities of women are beautiful when they smile and have the potential for that Pheromone Phenomenon.  In fact, Emma is 1/4 black.  Her dad is 1/2 black from Zimbabwe, and 1/2 Italian, and her mother is Columbian.  Now that I’m talking about Emma, I could transition onto my next topic of Valentine’s Day, but I’ll talk about “Walking Dead” since I want to mention Michonne and she’s a black woman, so it transitions smoothly anyway.

“WALKING DEAD” – I watched “Walking Dead” and “Talking Dead” yesterday On Demand at Pete’s.  Good episode but I have to say that Carl’s an ass.  Ok I know he’s going through the teenage thing, I get it.  But I have to say, in a zombie apocalypse, if my dad was likely bleeding to death internally, I wouldn’t be such a douchebag to him.  And if my dad slipped into a coma, I wouldn’t say mean things for him to hear in his subconscious.  I know there’s this hormonal, teenage thing, and the psychological ramifications of a zombie apocalypse that would be the basis to thoroughly analyze Carl’s attitude and it would make a shitload of sense.  However, it’s annoying.  I find there’s often too much whining going on in that show.  I just want to tell everyone to fuck the soap opera bullshit and move on.  Forgive and forget and survive, get over it.  There’s no time for all this drama.  But I guess, they’re just human, so again, it can all be explained away.  Carl’s been kicking some serious ass lately, and he’s been awesome, so I’ll forgive him and move on.  See, I’m the bigger man, despite what my spam emails suggest about me.

Ok, onto Michonne and “Talking Dead”.  That actress, Danai Gurira is a fucking goddess.  I just had to say that.  And she’s smart too.  And every positive and empathetic thing she said about the character Carl, I agree with, because she articulated it so concisely and she looked so good while she was saying it.  That’s not derogatory, it was a joke.  Seriously, she made a lot of sense and it opened up my perspective.  It just happened to be simultaneous with my enjoyment of looking at her.

Three things that made me laugh on “Talking Dead”.  1. Chris Hardwick – this guy is freakin’ hilarious.  2.  When Chris Hardwick said about Carl, “Dad you suck.  Pudding is awesome.”  3.  They showed a preview for the film “Snakes on a Plane” and in the preview they showed Samuel L. Jackson saying a dubbed line.  I’ve never seen that movie, so I’m just assuming the line was dubbed, but I think he said in the film, “mother fucking snakes” and I think they dubbed that, but he said in the preview “monkified snakes”.  buwaahahahahahahaa duh fuh? monkified, what, huh?  What the hell is a monkified snake?  Wow.

Monkified

That word just had to stand alone for a pause of reflection.

I’ll end this topic with #pudding

VALENTINE’S DAY – This one will be quick since it’s barely even happened yet.  But I’m going to buy things for these people:  Emma, my mom, Sharly, Iona, Sweetheart, Paula, and Hasty.  I wish Valentina had a grave so I could put flowers there for her.  I thought of getting Ayla something, but it would only be because she gives good blow jobs.  I’m no more friends with her than Danika or Morgan.  Valentine’s Day is not about blow jobs.  Blow jobs just can often be a fringe benefit of Valentine’s Day.  I’m giving something to Hasty because she’s married and it wouldn’t give her the wrong idea.  Plus she’s the kind of person you want to give stuff to.  The rest on my list are obvious.  But then there’s Emma.  I’m not going to do anything like I attempted last year, but I want to do something, I just have to figure out what.  It will be nice, but not over the top.  I have something over the top planned for her after she graduates.

Anyway, the theme song for this journal entry is “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol, dedicated to Emma.  Happy Valentine’s Day my beautiful Emma, my one true love.

*******

previous Grimm 161: Buzzkill Grimm Stuck in WTF http://wp.me/p41c99-yP

next Grimm 163: Valentines & Valerian http://wp.me/p41c99-A9

Hasty is based on herself from http://hastywords.wordpress.com/

For a chronological list of links to all the journal entries, refer to the Journal Entries Index Page http://wp.me/P41c99-J

For posts that aren’t journal entries, feel free to explore the Categories in the left side bar or the other pages above, including the Character Directories which list the posts each character is mentioned in.

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Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 156-170 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 116: The Temptress

September 18, 2013

Pete picked me up from work last night at 8pm and we went to go buy “The Walking Dead” seasons 1,2, &3.  Then we went home and started watching from the pilot.  We’re getting ready for the season premier.  Best show on television, but then again I hate television and I don’t watch anything else.  I’m not a technology fan.  Kind of a techno-Neanderthal at age 24 which makes me rare I guess.

So we’re in the middle of episode 1 and we get buzzed at our apartment.  When we asked who it was, a girl said, “Shannon.”  I was like who the fuck is that, Pete laughed and said “you don’t even know her name?” as he buzzed her in.  Turns out it was Iona’s friend with the nice tits.  The modern day Sophia Lauren.  I never cared about her name because she’s too hot, so I try to not pay much attention to her since she’s Iona’s friend.  Even when’s she’s txt’d me her name is “Sophia Lauren” in my cell.  I almost called her “Tits” but then didn’t want Iona to ever see that.  I do stupid shit but I try to avoid getting caught doing it.

Anyway, so she comes up to the apartment dressed professionally but unavoidably hot.  As someone once said about Marilyn Monroe, she’d make a potato sack look sexy, or something like that.  I don’t know if I’m making that up though, I think I read that somewhere.  But yeah so she said that she just got out of work, was headed home and saw her ex-boyfriend’s car parked in front of her place so she just kept driving.  She came here to avoid him since he’s kind of a stalker and she said I could protect her.  I asked why me since she must have other closer male friends and her response was, “because you’re Italian.”

“Well, Sicilian.”

“Isn’t that Italian?”

“Italians and Sicilians are completely different.”

Pete said, “your ancestry is from Italy, so technically you’re Italian.”

I was like, yeah ok same country.  Shannon said she didn’t understand and my response was that no one but Sicilians understand.  She was all confused and said, “like Italians and Greeks are different.”

“Hell yeah we’re different.”

Pete said maybe a better comparison would be the difference between Canadians and French Canadians.  We agreed that was a decent comparison.  So I asked what difference it makes that I’m Italian.  She responded that I was intense and passionate and strong so I could protect her.  I wanted to do more than protect her at that point.

We told her we were watching “The Walking Dead” and that she could join us, which she did, she’d never seen the show before.  But then she squirmed into me and tucked her face into my chest and said it was scary.  I kept catching Pete’s eye, he was amused.  I was sexually tormented.  Then she asked if she could take a shower, she likes to shower after work.  Ok yeah go get naked and wet in my bathroom.  She gets in the shower and as we resume watching the show, she calls for me.  I tried talking through the door but we couldn’t hear each other so I slowly open it.  She peaks out from behind the curtain and asks if we have different soap, ours smelled too masculine for her.  It’s Irish Spring.  I said sorry no as I caught a glimpse of part of her breast and tried not to be noticed aiming to see more.  She said, “all right then, I don’t mind smelling like you.”  Ok, rub that soap all over your body, go ahead.  Damn.

I go back out, Pete’s like, “she wants you.”  I said, “shut the fuck up I can’t think about that.”  We resume the show, then she calls me again.  I go in and she asks if we have conditioner.  No we don’t.  She was like, “don’t you guys have any girly stuff?  I thought Pete was gay?”  I said, “he is but he’s not feminine.”  “Are you gay?  Or bi?”  “Nope.”  Then she leaned out a little more and I saw her nipple.  “You’re such a nice guy.”  “Thanks.”  I walked out, looked at Pete and he laughed as I headed straight to my room to jerk off.  He opened the door right away before I got started and said he’d be in his room on the computer until we could finish the show.  He’s a writer too and he’s working on a novel.  He’s a great writer, better than me.

So I’m jerking off and Shannon walks in.  There are no locks on the bedroom doors.  She walks in and she’s wrapped in the towel I gave her which was a small one since it was the only clean one available.  I didn’t expect her to walk around in it, I figured she’d get dressed after.  It barely fit around her tits and was only long enough to go just below her ass.  wtf.

She walks in as I’m jerking off so I grab a pillow from behind my head, banging my head against the headboard in the process, and I cover myself with the pillow.  She smiled mischievously, “what are you doing?”  “I’m…masturbating.”  “That’s hot.”  “Yeah, well, that’s what I do from time to time.”  She asked if I had any comfy clothes to wear and if she could just spend the night because it was pushing 11pm.  I was like yeah and yeah.  We stared at each other for a minute because she didn’t know where the clothes were and I couldn’t get up since my hard dick was hanging out of my pants under the pillow.  So she sat on the bed and said again, “you’re such a nice guy.”  I said, “You’re…the devil.”  “Aw, why?”  “You’re Iona’s friend, and…uhhh…well, yeah.”

She said, “do you want to fuck me?”  Then I just swallowed like they do in cartoons, like I could actually hear it and I wondered if she heard it too.  I said, “You’re Iona’s friend, I try to avoid crossing those boundaries.”  She told me I was sexy.  I was having a hard time not stroking myself under the pillow.  Then she moved to face me more and I could see her pussy as the towel opened a little more. wtf.  I just stared at it, not even caring anymore that I’d be caught gawking.  She noticed and opened her legs a little more.  Then she put her hand under the pillow and began to rub my dick. wtf.

I was done for.  It’s like there’s a switch in my brain in an area that has thought and willpower, and when it’s switched off it activates a switch in my dick that has no thought, all action.  But then Pete knocked at the door, because I’m sure he could figure I was trying to stand my ground.  It was a struggle for me to say “come in” but I did, feeling both pissed off and relieved.  I was about to fuck the hell out of that girl.  He said, “let’s watch the show, I want to get to sleep.  Shannon you can sleep in my room tonight, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

I told Pete to bring her to his room to give her something to wear, I’d be out in a minute.  Then I finished jerking off but it only took seconds before I shot a huge load.  After the show, we all went to bed.  Once I could hear Pete snoring, I went to his room and fucked her.  It was just too much.  Sorry Pete for the mess I made in your bed.

*******

previous Grimm 115: Wall Grimm’s Priority Shit & Aromatherashit http://wp.me/p41c99-jg

next Grimm 117: Grimm of the Steppes and Coffee with Sharly http://wp.me/p41c99-js

For a chronological list of links to all the journal entries, refer to the Journal Entries Index Page http://wp.me/P41c99-J

For posts that aren’t journal entries, feel free to explore the Categories in the left side bar or the other pages above, including the Character Directories which list the posts each character is mentioned in.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 116-140 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 72: WTF is Wrong With the “Walking Dead” Writers? & Hire Me

April 2, 2013

NAME:  Wall Grimm

DATE OF BIRTH:  August 9, 1989

DEGREES:  B.A. in Writing, M.A. in Reading, a second M.S. in Bullshit, and a PhD in Bullfuckingshit

POSITION YOU ARE APPLYING FOR:  Writer of “Walking Dead”

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU’D BE ABLE TO DO THIS JOB:  Because someone needs to do it, and nobody else seems to be making any effort.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THAT YOU THINK YOU’RE QUALIFIED FOR THIS POSITION:  Wall Grimm.

LIST YOUR QUALIFICATIONS IN ORDER OF SIGNIFICANCE:  I can hold a pen.

SURELY YOU MUST HAVE OTHER QUALIFICATIONS:  I can move it around so it makes shapes.

AND THIS MAKES YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN DO THE JOB BETTER THAN THE PERSONS CURRENTLY HOLDING THIS POSITION:  Shit, yeah.

PLEASE EXPLAIN:  You can’t stop me from doing so.

My name is Wall Grimm and this is my analysis of why the writers of “Walking Dead” currently have lapsed into elementary story development, or why they currently suck.

WALL GRIMM’S ANALYSIS OF “WALKING DEAD” WRITERS

THEY HAVE BECOME PLOT DRIVEN WRITERS AS OPPOSED TO CHARACTER DRIVEN WRITERS.

Ok as I’ve been watching the episodes leading up to and including the season finale, this is my observation of characters’ choices and behaviors, not in any order:

RICK – blows my fucking mind how out of character this guy is, blows my fucking mind, he’s our hero you douchebags

DARYL – out of character because he’s getting too sensitive, writers are catering to the fangirls, btw, speaking of douchebags, his best line was when he called Martinez a douchebag because he smokes menthols

CARL – went from cute kid, to pain in the ass, to cool kick ass, to fucking punk pain in the ass psychopath with a penchant for rebelling against his dad

HERSHEL – I’ll admit he’s pretty consistent, except for the second to the last episode, he lapses.  He’s so consistent in fact, that I think we all expect him to be a martyr at some point since he only has one leg.  He’ll be sacrificing himself.  At the least the writers are holding off because that’s too predictable.  And it’s so predictable, I hope he doesn’t die this way, he needs an unexpected fate.

CAROL & BETH – hard to say because they’re the writers’ way of dealing with the baby so they’re hardly ever around, WTF

MERLE – ok at some point Merle started catching Daryl’s old softy disease, he’s a perfect example of the writers creating character motivations in order to drive the plot to a certain direction, his best line recently, “I am a mystery to me” or something like that

THE GOVERNOR – I just feel badly for this actor in so many ways, but he makes more than I ever will and he can have all the roles Liam Neesen no longer takes, so he’s good

ANDREA – I feel even more badly for her, not just because she’s freakin’ hot as hell, but because she is the scapegoat for how fucking annoying the Governor is.  At some point there becomes just way too much Governor and he becomes less frightening and more agitating even though he does have the authentic threat of peril at his heels.  Andrea, because of her naïve hope and ambitions, becomes the scapegoat who is the target for all the annoyance.  Everyone blames Andrea and hates on Andrea.  As far as being out of character?  WTF yeah I’d have to say there’s a couple things regarding her that she does out of character, very subtle things, that were only to drive the plot.  For example, she kicks fucking ass hardcore.  That’s her true character.  This is a girl who just took down four zombies on her own, while pinned to a tree.  So…..  ???

LORI – I wish she would go the fuck away, she was a bitch from the beginning, now she’s fucking with Rick’s head, I blame her for everything, the first indication of the downfall of the writing with all her fucking paranormal mind games.  Then somehow she appears all holy and …damn, give me a fucking break.

MAGGIE – Sorry Maggie, but sometimes you need to move on a little quicker with trauma than that when you’re dealing with zombies.  In that world, there is no time for trauma because that’s when you die.  That’s all I have to say.

GLENN – was a pizza delivery kid, then the gofer, then bait, then carrier of burdens, revealer of secrets, romantic figure, then he became the angry and vicious zombie fighting monster with the intention to destroy impulsively, then the rational romantic figure able to carry out orders.  The writers no longer know what to do with this great potential for a character because they enforce multiple areas of his nature within two episodes at a time.  He hit his peak when he kicked serious zombie ass while he was tied to a chair.  Then the writers were all like, ”what do we do with him now?”

MICHONNE – potential level for awesome – high, but sorry, this character is only a prop at this time

MILTON – I don’t even want to talk about this guy

MORGAN, TYREESE – These characters, massive cool potential I hope the writers don’t fuck up in season 4.  I don’t think the writers know what to do with black guys honestly.  They get these big black guys, make them really cool, then they don’t know what to do with them.  Did T-Dog ever speak?  Was he really even there?  And Oscar…why?  It’s like if you’re a big black guy and you get hired as an actor on the walking dead, you’ll probably die, and they’ll hire a new big black guy to replace you.  In fact, that’s what they audition for I think.  “We need a new big black guy, the writers didn’t know what to do with the last one.”  If they’re going to keep creating big black guy characters, they need to figure out how to write them.  Maybe they just don’t know how to write black characters.  They’re all cool big black guys, including Michonne.  That’s not a comment on her appearance because I think she’s fucking hot and I love her ass, but yeah, her personality?  Big black guy.

So I’d say Rick, Merle, and Andrea were my hugest complaints regarding out of characterness.  All three characters were the victims of plot driven writing.

What’s the difference between plot driven writing and character driven writing you ask?  Well let me say that when I first started watching the show, it was the characters that drove me more than the plot.  In fact, whenever the plot would get too complex, it got monotonous and frustrating.  The group gets stationed at a location then is stuck there for an entire season.  Which makes sense because of course that’s all they want is stability and normalcy, and none of these folks were nomads prior to the zombie apocalypse, so I accept that.  But that’s where the first problem stems from: what to do when the same people are stuck in the same location, relatively safe from zombies.  You need to do some shit to make it interesting.  A writing challenge, I accept that.

So yeah anyway, a character driven plot is this:  You have strong characters who have specific personalities, and particular natures.  You put them in situations, good or bad, and they make decisions, act and react according to their personalities and natures.  Based on their choices and reactions, shit happens, which leads to other shit.  This is the case here when sometimes writers find themselves saying, “oh shit, I can’t believe that happened but that’s what Rick would do.”  So when you watch a character driven show, characters become real, and you can see them change and evolve.  This means that you can take any one of these characters and psychoanalyze them, and find that all their actions are congruent with their personalities and natures.  There’s a psychology to this kind of writing.

Plot driven writing is when you say I want this thing to happen, I want this person to die, I want all events to lead here.  So you put the end goal in sight, which of course happens for just about every season finale, so understandable but not enough of an excuse.  Once the end goal is in sight, you go back to where you left off and plot out paths to get there.  A lot of writers outline and this is fine, but the trick is to NOT MAKE IT OBVIOUS that you’re outlining.  Then the writing suffers.  Plot driven writing can make it obvious if you’re not skilled enough.  So ummmm “Walking Dead” writers?  WTF is going on, I need an explanation.

I digress.  What happens in plot driven writing?  Well first off, you start laying out things that conveniently happen in order for the plot to get where it’s going.  Such as, oh how convenient that in the middle of this field with nothing in it, there’s the building where they filmed all the “Saw” movies.  Or isn’t that a coincidence that this person survived because how else would such an event occur later without her presence.  And how convenient for a person to run out of bullets just in time for this person to survive.  And isn’t that unfortunate that this person took so much time to do something that any person in their right mind would be rushing through, but this person was too busy being sentimental, that it just resulted in one of the end goals, one of the perfectly laid out plans.

In this example, I have to say, someone was taking so long to accomplish a very important thing, that it was so distracting, that I didn’t even hear the sentimental conversation that was going on which I didn’t even care about anyway.  I was too busy going, “wtf!!! do it already!!!”  In fact, the only way I know the conversation was sentimental is because it was low key.  I was too distracted by the uncharacteristic stupidity of this person to pay attention.  No idea what they were talking about.

So there are props and locations and coincidences all placed along the path to get to the end.  Then, how do we get from prop to location and coincidence?  The characters bring us there, whether or not it’s in their nature to do so.  The characters make choices, or have motivations, that are not the people we as viewers know.  And yeah, there’s a certain level of tolerance because they’re all in a perpetual state of fight or flight, and trauma.  Regardless, the only time a real person steps that far away from his or her nature, is when they fucking lose their minds.

So yeah writers, WTF are you doing to Rick?  It’s like you’re repeatedly raping him, just stop it.  Seriously, Rick is cool, yet they’re fucking with his character so much that it’s just going to get irritating and they’ll have to kill him eventually just because they won’t know what to do with him.  So if Rick dies in season 4, blame the season 3 writers, they set him up.  I’m not even fucking joking.

Anyway, it’s just the hype and the success and the writers have performance anxiety.  They get so caught up in all the popularity and then lose sight of what made the show great.  I don’t know if they keep getting new writers, but that also causes a problem.  Some writers are character driven, some are plot driven, and then there’s a dynamic that takes place when they all get together, a unity of writing style that emerges from the collective.  New writers coming in also may not have that connection with the characters that viewers have.  Then they start listening too much to the fans.  Oh don’t kill Daryl because we’ll riot.  Or, kill this one because I hate that person.  Writers affected by hype sacrificing integrity.

Anyway, that’s why I want to be a writer for “Walking Dead” because I know how to get it back to all its rawness and trueness.

My name is Wall Grimm, and you should hire me.

*******

previous Grimm 71: Exuding Charisma, Ripley on Crack, Men Stuff, & ABBA http://wp.me/p41c99-b8

next Grimm 73: Hasty’s Birthday http://wp.me/p41c99-bk

For a chronological list of links to all the journal entries, refer to the Journal Entries Index Page http://wp.me/P41c99-J

For posts that aren’t journal entries, feel free to explore the Categories in the left side bar or the other pages above, including the Character Directories which list the posts each character is mentioned in.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 51-75 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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