Posts Tagged With: spam

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 162: Spam, Terminator Penis, “Walking Dead”, & Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day, 2014

It’s really early in the morning on Valentine’s Day.  Classes were cancelled yesterday and today because of the storm.  It’s a nice break.  Anyway, there are three things I want to talk about today.  My name is Wall Grimm and I want to talk about Spam, “Walking Dead”, and Valentine’s Day.


SPAM – For some reason my email refuses to delete my spam, regardless how many times I set it to do so.  However, it does send all the shit to the spam folder.  At first I was annoyed that it didn’t delete it, but now I find it kind of entertaining.  Now and then, I look through and find some that make me laugh.  I did that this morning, and I recognized a kind of theme.

Based on all the spam I get, people are just trying to give me money, enlarge my penis, make it strong and thick, keep me hard for hours, and fuck me.  They also want to introduce me to single black women and feed me Burger King.  The only thing that doesn’t tempt me is the Burger King.  I’m also not married so…sorry Ashley Madison, it wouldn’t really be an affair now, would it?  Oh yeah, and I don’t need a stronger, thicker, larger penis and it stays hard for plenty of time.  Ok, so maybe I just want the money and the black women.

This is literally the list of spam I have this morning from the past few days:


“A STRONGER, THICKER, HARDER PENIS – FREE TRIAL, 100% GUARANTEED” (do any black women come with that trial)?

from Ashley Madison “Life is short.  Have an affair.” (I got this one from Ashley Madison 21 times)


from Ms. Jessica Kone “Attn. Urgent/Confidential*” (she wants to give me money)

from Mrs. Agafia Anatolius “MY HEART CHOOSE TO BLESS YOU.” (with money she wants to transfer into my account.  I got this one twice)

“View Photos of Black Singles in Your Area”, (if there was a single black woman in my area, I think I’d know about it, but that’s a perverted pun, so ignore I said that.  Anyway, I got this one 18 more times)

“Preapproval Notice”

“RE: $9,950.61 Deposit”

“A $25 Victoria’s Secret car for YOU!” (is this so I can shop for the black women or Ashley Madison?)

“Claim a $25 BurgerKing Card”

“You have received a $25 BK notification!”

“NOTICE: $10,000 Approvals Within 7 Minutes”

then finally from Ashley Madison “Your Wife Will Never Find Out…”

And every single one of those emails came with an attachment.  It would almost be cool just to open them all and see how fucked up my computer would be as a result.

So yeah, money, Terminator Penis, black women, sex, and Burger King.

That reminds me that I forgot to mention women of all ethnicities in my list the other day about how I love women.  I’m very attracted to black women.  Indian women do it for me too.  But all ethnicities of women are beautiful when they smile and have the potential for that Pheromone Phenomenon.  In fact, Emma is 1/4 black.  Her dad is 1/2 black from Zimbabwe, and 1/2 Italian, and her mother is Columbian.  Now that I’m talking about Emma, I could transition onto my next topic of Valentine’s Day, but I’ll talk about “Walking Dead” since I want to mention Michonne and she’s a black woman, so it transitions smoothly anyway.

“WALKING DEAD” – I watched “Walking Dead” and “Talking Dead” yesterday On Demand at Pete’s.  Good episode but I have to say that Carl’s an ass.  Ok I know he’s going through the teenage thing, I get it.  But I have to say, in a zombie apocalypse, if my dad was likely bleeding to death internally, I wouldn’t be such a douchebag to him.  And if my dad slipped into a coma, I wouldn’t say mean things for him to hear in his subconscious.  I know there’s this hormonal, teenage thing, and the psychological ramifications of a zombie apocalypse that would be the basis to thoroughly analyze Carl’s attitude and it would make a shitload of sense.  However, it’s annoying.  I find there’s often too much whining going on in that show.  I just want to tell everyone to fuck the soap opera bullshit and move on.  Forgive and forget and survive, get over it.  There’s no time for all this drama.  But I guess, they’re just human, so again, it can all be explained away.  Carl’s been kicking some serious ass lately, and he’s been awesome, so I’ll forgive him and move on.  See, I’m the bigger man, despite what my spam emails suggest about me.

Ok, onto Michonne and “Talking Dead”.  That actress, Danai Gurira is a fucking goddess.  I just had to say that.  And she’s smart too.  And every positive and empathetic thing she said about the character Carl, I agree with, because she articulated it so concisely and she looked so good while she was saying it.  That’s not derogatory, it was a joke.  Seriously, she made a lot of sense and it opened up my perspective.  It just happened to be simultaneous with my enjoyment of looking at her.

Three things that made me laugh on “Talking Dead”.  1. Chris Hardwick – this guy is freakin’ hilarious.  2.  When Chris Hardwick said about Carl, “Dad you suck.  Pudding is awesome.”  3.  They showed a preview for the film “Snakes on a Plane” and in the preview they showed Samuel L. Jackson saying a dubbed line.  I’ve never seen that movie, so I’m just assuming the line was dubbed, but I think he said in the film, “mother fucking snakes” and I think they dubbed that, but he said in the preview “monkified snakes”.  buwaahahahahahahaa duh fuh? monkified, what, huh?  What the hell is a monkified snake?  Wow.


That word just had to stand alone for a pause of reflection.

I’ll end this topic with #pudding

VALENTINE’S DAY – This one will be quick since it’s barely even happened yet.  But I’m going to buy things for these people:  Emma, my mom, Sharly, Iona, Sweetheart, Paula, and Hasty.  I wish Valentina had a grave so I could put flowers there for her.  I thought of getting Ayla something, but it would only be because she gives good blow jobs.  I’m no more friends with her than Danika or Morgan.  Valentine’s Day is not about blow jobs.  Blow jobs just can often be a fringe benefit of Valentine’s Day.  I’m giving something to Hasty because she’s married and it wouldn’t give her the wrong idea.  Plus she’s the kind of person you want to give stuff to.  The rest on my list are obvious.  But then there’s Emma.  I’m not going to do anything like I attempted last year, but I want to do something, I just have to figure out what.  It will be nice, but not over the top.  I have something over the top planned for her after she graduates.

Anyway, the theme song for this journal entry is “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol, dedicated to Emma.  Happy Valentine’s Day my beautiful Emma, my one true love.


previous Grimm 161: Buzzkill Grimm Stuck in WTF

next Grimm 163: Valentines & Valerian

Hasty is based on herself from

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Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 156-170 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

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