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“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 226: SNOW! And Fecal Matters

February 11, 2015

Why haven’t I been writing in you, my old friend, Journal?  Here’s why:

1. There’s been tons of snow, roughly about 75 inches in 18 days.  What that means is that I’ve been doing a lot of shoveling.  A lot.  I’ve shoveled our place; I’ve shoveled some neighbors’ homes; and I’ve gone to my parents to help them.  My dad had a heart attack the first storm while shoveling.  He’s out of the hospital now, but I was going there do it for him after that.  I also shoveled at the store to help Sharly so she wouldn’t have to hire anyone to do it.  Well, she’d never really hire anyone, she’d do it herself, but she was eager to accept my offer to help her out.

2. Though school has been cancelled some days, I invested time into reading ahead and beginning future assignments.

3.  I’ve spent time playing in the snow, which is awesome.

4.  I’ve been maintaining Bogart, who apparently hates snow, I learned.  The snow has triggered his decompensation, which has been a lot to handle.  There were times I was tempted to get him evaluated at the hospital.  The best person to handle him in these cases is Cola.  I’m most often the one to calm him, but now that he’s having a relapse of all his symptoms, he’s paranoid and afraid to trust me.  He’s been violent with me, so I’m kinda beat up.  I try not to hit him back, since it’s not his fault, it’s just a matter of getting away and stopping him.  He’s not violent with Cola, Pete, or Gary Oldman II.  Pete is kind of afraid of him, so he has a hard time intervening.  With Cola, Bogart will not hit her, because she identifies as a woman, but then he remembers she’s anatomically a man, so he gets confused.  The confusion is what seems to calm him.  He tries to react to her like he would a woman, then gets tempted to react as if she’s a man, then the conflict takes over and he’s stunted.  She’s soothing with him and he responds well, once the confusion distracts him from whatever was going on in his head.

Other than that, these are the things that have gone on:

1.  The Patriots won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2.  I had gone to that gynecologist appointment with Solenne.  When she was called in to the exam room, she insisted I go in with her.  I hate to admit I was kinda horrified.  It was uncomfortable and awkward.  First, she was told to strip to nothing and put on the johnny.  I thought she would tell me to turn around, but she didn’t.  She’s not as modest as I assumed.  I think any modesty she may have exhibited before was the result of her not wanting my sexual attention.  But now that I’m aware of her situation, she trusts I’ll back off.  This reminds me of a story.  She was over my place and she decided she wanted to attempt a blow job.  When we took down my pants and I was lying on the bed, she said that penises were funny looking, “even a little ugly.”  Then she said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to put that in her mouth.

I’m not sure if I should be offended.

But, she decided against it and said maybe some other time, though since I was expecting it, she resolved to jerk me off, but she used two hands and churned me like butter, which was both interesting and fucking hot.

Anyway, I digress…

After she stripped, and the doctor came in, that’s when it got most awkward, as she laid back, put her feet in the stirrups, and the doctor stuck her head under the sheet between Solenne’s legs.  Ok.  I’m sorry.  That got me so horny.  I got even more horny when the doctor was doing her breast exam.

I feel like a pervert.

…But yeah, so in the end, the doctor referred her to a plastic surgeon, a specialist for genital reconstructive surgery.  She said it is definitely medical and should be covered by insurance.  We’ve got that appointment in March, it’s the earliest one we could get unless there’s a cancellation, in which case they will call us.

3.  Olivia contacted me about her exhibition and let me know the date, which is at the end of February.  I’m still concerned about that.

Other than all of that, as a result of all the snow, it has seemed that we’ve been in a snow apocalypse since we’ve had some days when people were either discouraged from being out or required by law to stay off the road due to state of emergency status, with police officers commuting doctors and other health professionals to the hospitals.  Crazy shit.  I have some other crazy shit I want to say.  My name is Wall Grimm and this is crazy shit.

WALL GRIMM’S INSANE FECES

1.  I was waiting at a light and the person in front of me went through the red light, and for once there happened to be a cop nearby who pulled the person over.  I was so happy.  In fact, I was a little gleeful.  I fucking love to see that.  People who go through red lights fucking piss me off.  They kill people.

2.  I realized that there are likely particles of fecal matter in farts, so when you smell one and even taste one, you are breathing in and tasting fecal matter.

3.  The snow in our yard goes up to my balls.  That’s really cold.

4.  The snow banks in parking lots are twice the height of me.  On the sides of the roads, they are nearly my height or higher.

5.  Being relatively snow bound has enticed me to cook more.  I made calzones last week, but they sucked more than I wanted them to.  Nana, my great-grandmother, is turning in her grave, God rest her soul, amen.  Sorry, Nana.

6.  Pete and I were having fun jumping off our balcony into the snow below, until Bogart overcame his hatred of snow, and leaped off the balcony, landing with his knee in Pete’s face and breaking his nose.  Bogart thought it was hysterical, and that the bright red blood on the white snow looked cool.  Then he began to whine about how cold it was and suddenly realized he was in the snow, in just a jeans and t-shirt and barefoot, and he ran back upstairs into the apartment where Cola had to deescalate him once again.  Pete was done jumping off the roof.

Ok, maybe some of that isn’t crazy shit, but I’m not perfect.  To make up for my imperfections, I’ll paste some snow pics in here.

This is a photo of a snow phantom:

phantom snow

Nah, it’s just me running up a mound of snow near a plaza after the second storm.  We have more snow now.

This one is just a cool picture:

snow light

Buried trees by the plaza:

trees snow

A worse off tree:

snow5

That one was after the first storm.

And that’s all.  I’ll end with a random theme song.  It’s “She’s a Lady” by Tom Jones.  Cola loved this song and was listening to it one day, and ironically, I pointed out to her that the lyrics were really sexist.  She was like, “oh damnit, you’re right, the song is ruined for me now.”  Sorry, Cola.  C-O-L-A Cola.

*******

Grimm 225: Random Stew http://wp.me/p41c99-19g

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

 

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Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 211-235 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 225: Random Stew

January 19, 2015

Well last week, after Blues Monday, I called Sharly to recommend a gynecologist, and Solenne made me call to schedule the appointment for her.  Solenne is not usually so unassertive.  It’s a reflection of her shame and discomfort with admitting what was done to her.  We have an appointment for next week.

On Tuesday, classes started up, and incidentally, I got Dean’s List again last semester, so that’s good.  I’ll get into what I’m taking this semester another time, maybe…if I feel like it.

I’ll also maybe tell you another time about today.  It’s Blues Monday, but it’s also Martin Luther King Jr. Day and The Convoy are going to play a gig, which is cool.  We rarely do gigs, but a celebration of  Martin Luther King Jr. is being held at a local hotel throughout the day and evening.  A bunch of Jazz, Blues, and R&B bands are performing, including us.  Solenne has been wanting to come to Blues Monday, but I’ve known about this event for a while and I wanted the first time she’d hear me play to be this performance, the real deal, and not just practice or jamming.  Howard is even going to let me sing again.  The best part is that we’re towards the end of the lineup, which is a compliment to the band, means we’re that good.  Not the major headliner, but we’re up there.

Anyway, for now, I will present to you, Invisible Journal Reading People, a series of random things.  My name is Wall Grimm and here are some random things I feel like mentioning.

WALL GRIMM’S ARBITRARY OCCURENCES AND PENSIVENESS

*One morning, the day after it was my turn to do the dishes, a task which I failed to do because I was remiss, I went to have my coffee and saw that there was a limited selection of clean cups to choose from.  (I did do the dishes later in the day.  I’m not that remiss).  The only thing available was this thing of Cola’s.  It was a cup with a teapot on top, so the shape of the two pieces together looked like a tea pot.  I took the cup, which was more like something you’d have soup in, or café au lait rather than just your standard morning cup of coffee.  So as I take a sip, it spills down my chest, and underwear, which is no fun way to wake up.  Later that same day, Hasty stopped by to bring me a present.  It was a coffee mug, with a picture of me and her on it.  She’s very sweet.  Now when I use it, I text her and say, “I’m drinking out of your mug,” as mug is a pun for her face.

*American Horror Story season finale this week.  Is it just me or does Jessica Lange get more beautiful every episode?  She distracts me while I’m watching the show.

*I was taking Bogart to his counselor appointment, and he noticed the sign that said: “No Parking / No Estacionarse”.  He laughed and exclaimed, “No estacionarse, no stationin’ your arse! bwaaahahaaaaa.”

*As a personal philosophy, I like to think there are more good people in the world than there are bad people, because if the opposite were true, then the world would be truly fucked.

*I’m going through this thing lately, and I’m not sure how I feel about it, but I guess there’s some kind of hippie body snatcher that’s taking over, and I think I’m beginning to love… …everyone.

*Another mention of Hasty.  Every now and then we’ll text each other and ask, “what are you wearing?”  She texted me this, and I began my reply with “I’m” but then in the word options I accidentally hit the word “stew” after it.  “I’m stew.”  Strange, I don’t ever remember using the word “stew” before so why it would be in my personal options is beyond me.  I went to delete that word, but my little touch keypad froze up on me, and instead of deleting, it returned to the next line.  I continued to try to back space, but then it unfroze and I hit the “m” by mistake and typed “Mmm.”  Fortunately I didn’t send that, I just restarted my phone and replied normally.  It was funny, but that can’t be explained in a text.  It’s also one of those things that no one ever thinks is as funny as you do.  I avoid trying to describe such things to people.

I’m stew
Mmm

*I’ve said this before, in different ways, but I enjoy when I catch someone doing something stupid when it doesn’t involve me and I’m just an observer.  Most times this happens with other drivers, since I’m the only one who seems to know how to freakin’ drive.  I know this isn’t nice, and it’s the part of me that the hippie hasn’t snatched, but I like it when people are stupid and I witness it, because I know they’re doing something I’d never do and therefore I am validated as to how smart I am.

*I like the word villain.  No one ever uses that word anymore except in super hero movies.

*I didn’t do the dishes yesterday either.

And I’m going to end this journal entry with a Lord Gary Oldmanism:

According to some source online, with no reference point, Lord Gary Oldman said, “You ever go into a house, see a light switch, and it’s slightly crooked?  Drives me crazy.”

No Gary, I never have.  Must be something that only happens in England.

I have two theme songs for this journal entry.  I watched “Ishtar” with Pete, Cola, and Bogart the other day, Cola’s recommendation.  It was pretty funny.  So I’m picking “Oh Little Darlin'” and “Dangerous Business” by Rogers and Clarke aka Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman.

*******

***The two incidences above involving Hasty are true.  I did try to have coffee one day and the dishes hadn’t been done, so I used one of those teapot cups and spilled the coffee all over myself.  Later that day I received a package in the mail, a gift from Hasty:

IMG_1602    IMG_1604

Thank you Hasty, you’re a true sweetheart!

Then the texting thing “what are you wearing” is real, we do that, and the thing with “I’m Stew Mmm” was real, and I truly didn’t tell her about it, but maybe she’ll appreciate it when she reads about it here.

previous Grimm 224: Solenne http://wp.me/p41c99-191

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

Hasty is based on herself from http://hastywords.wordpress.com/

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 211-235 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 104 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 223: Iona, Olivia, & Paula

January 7, 2015

Happy New Year, Invisible Journal Reading People.

I have no resolutions.  However, there are some undefined things that I will likely be resolute about.  I may have revelations and I’ll probably succumb to resolves.  But no specific goals or resolutions.  I’m just gonna keep on doing what I do, because I think I’m on the right track in many ways, or at least in as many ways that satisfy me during this period of my life.

Keep on truckin’ Grimm.  Keep on Grimmin’.

Ok, I want to talk about when I saw Olivia, Iona, and Paula over Christmas time.  My name is Wall Grimm, and here is a synopsis of my experience with the ladies past.

WALL GRIMM TALKS ABOUT THE LADIES

IONA – She had wanted to come over my place to bring me a present, which was a new journal and a pen that makes my handwriting look cool.  This happens to be something most people buy me at one point or another.  However, I appreciate and use them all.  I haven’t bought a journal in a long time since I am consistently supplied with them by other people, which is great.  She also got me tickets to go see Brian Regan when he comes to Worcester in March.  wtf that gift is fucking awesome, I love that guy.  I didn’t spend that much on her.  To be honest, I hadn’t gotten her anything until I talked to her.  Last she decided, we were taking a break from our friendship, so I never expected to see her over the holidays.  When she wanted to come by, I told her that I’d rather go to her place.  Two reasons for that:

1. So I could buy her a present before then.

2. To avoid Bogart’s sexually harassing her.  Two reasons for that:

1. She’d probably end up having sex with him, which, when she and I would start hanging out again, would make it complicated because that’s what he would expect.

2. I don’t know…kind of makes me jealous, because she’s kinda mine.  Only because of our history, since I am with Solenne.  Rationally I know I have no claim to Iona, but hey it’s human nature to feel that way.  And I don’t go against my nature.

Thus, I went to Iona’s.  I bought her the entire series of “The Kids in the Hall” on DVD, which made her happy.  She talked about getting back together, though she knew I was with Solenne.  She was just wondering if there was a chance, which there isn’t unless Solenne and I end things at some point that I don’t foresee.  Iona seemed sad and lonely.  She was looking good, pretty hot, since she’s been working out and got in kick ass shape.  She said that now she gets a lot of attention from guys, but before her weight loss, she never did, except for me.  She said I was different from all the other guys, that I thought she was hot before the weight loss and I liked her because of her personality and who she was as a person.  She feels uncomfortable with the attention, awkward in her own body, and kind of wants to hide from the world and men, at times.  It takes her a lot of energy to feel prepared for the attention, and she often feels like she preferred being invisible.  It’s an interesting perspective that I’ve never considered.  I like the attention I get, but then, I’ve always gotten attention.  I mean, in those stupid movies when the nerdy, homely girl or guy get a makeover and they’re suddenly hot, they don’t seem to mind the new attention at all.  That’s realistic, right?

Didn’t think so.

But yeah, Iona was always attractive.  I guess she just didn’t fit the mold of what’s head-turning for most guys.  Most guys tend to pursue whomever causes a second take, which meant that Iona was often looked over.  I am different from most guys.  I give every woman a second take.  Partially because I’m a pervert and partially because women fascinate me, and I find beauty in most women.  I say most because there are some personalities that turn me off, like superficiality, vanity, selfishness, and negativity.  Otherwise, my three predominant turn offs are:

1. Masculine women.  It confuses me when a woman is just as masculine as a man.  They’re great people to hang out with, but I’m usually not attracted to them sexually.

2. Poor hygiene.  Anyone who smells or looks like they might smell turns me off.

3. Women who freak me out.  (see Olivia below)

Anyway, Iona and I are going to hang out as friends again, which is good.  But I still plan to keep her away from Bogart as much as possible.

OLIVIA – She’s a fucking freak.  I mean, that was something I liked until she abducted me.  Now she freaks me out, hence a turn off.  She came into the store sometime before Christmas, I saw her and I was like, yikes!

yikes! = turned off

Turned off is an understatement.

She came in to tell me about her photography exhibit in a gallery in Boston.  It’s not her own personal exhibit, but one that will display the works of numerous local artists.  Her exhibit is titled, “Exploit” and all the photos apparently are of me.  That made me go, yikes! again.  She invited me to go to the open house which kicks off the exhibit.  That’s sometime in January, I think.  She said she’d text me the information and would even have me picked up in a limo, but I haven’t heard from her yet.  I told her I’d think about it.  I really don’t want to spend time with her at all, but I want to see this exhibit.  At the same time, I think it could possibly scare me.  I asked if Solenne could come, and as I suspected, Olivia said no.  That was pretty much it with her, especially since the store was busy with people shopping for Christmas.  As I write this, I am convincing myself that I should go, because I think it’s important to see the images of me being exposed to the world.

PAULA – Paula offered to come pick me up one night after she got out of work.  She took me to her place where she had to “freshen up” from work.  She showered and prepared a dinner for us, so I was there for about an hour before we were sitting down and eating and finally able to talk.  She asked if I was ok with her drinking wine, not wanting to tempt me or cause me to relapse.  I was ok with it that night, some times are more difficult than others.  She drank a lot during the course of the evening and ended up getting drunk.

Before she was drunk she was telling me that she missed me and was hoping we could get back together.  I told her I had a girlfriend.  She said, “but you can live here” and went on to describe a scenario similar to our previous living arrangements.  I could live there and I wouldn’t need to pay rent, I wouldn’t even need to work or anything, I would just do things like I did before, including but not limited to: shoveling, mowing the lawn, raking the leaves, other yard work, maintenance work on the house, running errands, and stuff she defined as “basic men stuff that women are able to do, but would rather not.”  Basically she wanted me to be her kept boy again, which wasn’t a bad situation, but I’m beyond the days when a sugar mama seemed like a good thing for me.  This revealed to me how much I really have grown up.  As a man, I need to support myself and be able to some day support a wife and kids.  Maybe that’s an old fashioned gender role/stereotype, but it’s just my nature to feel that way.  Again, I don’t go against my nature.  Although, it is my nature to want to fuck most women I encounter, and that’s something I’ve had to regulate with varying degrees in my life, usually based upon morals.

I asked Paula if she’s seen any other men.  She said she has, and she’s grateful that I brought her out of her shell to enable her to do that.  Then she said that none of them were like me.  I asked “how so?”  She said that the men she has seen are older, around her own age, and they are settled.  They’re established, set in their ways, their future is paved, stable, and they are predictable.  She said I have a whole life ahead of me and it is still unknown as to which direction it will take.  I could end up being anywhere doing anything at any time.  I have a vitality and a sense of adventure that men her age don’t typically have.  She thrived on the energy of my youth, excluding the self-destructive aspect of it.  I told her that she could find other younger men who’d be interested in her, they’re out there.  She said she knows this, but the problem is that she’s in love with me.  She realized that as she started seeing other men.  She compared them all to me.  She used to compare other men to her late husband.  When she first started seeing me, she compared me with him, and found that the contrasts were all in my favor.  Then we broke up, she saw other men, compared them to me, and the contrasts continued to be all in my favor.  She said she’s in love with me and she’s never loved another man so profoundly, not even her husband, and in fact her love for me made her recognize that she never was in love with him to begin with.

That was kind of too intense for me to process but that was the point when she began to get drunk, and emotional, and start to come on to me.  I had to deter her advances, which was difficult because of my lack of sex that I have been compulsively addressing.  Solenne is not having sex with me.

…sigh…

Even if I wasn’t with Solenne, I couldn’t justify haven’t sex with Paula when she was in a drunken and emotionally vulnerable state.  But yeah she got drunk, and then I had no choice but to stay the night to take care of her.  It was a mess and I felt bad for her.  She was embarrassed the next day and has texted me a few times apologizing.  But who knows if we’ll ever be able to spend time together as friends.  I don’t think she can.  I don’t know why she liked me so much, I think I was kind of an asshole.

But whatever, that’s my tale of ladies past.  I have moved on, though they hold on, yet I’m not sure why.  I think there was a certain level of insecurity with Iona and Paula, and somehow I made them secure, so it’s less about me, and more about how I made them feel.  Olivia is just a fucking perverted freak.

My theme song for this journal entry is “Fever” by The Black Keys, for reasons I’m choosing to withhold, just to be mysterious to myself when I’m 80 years old and reading my old journals, and get pissed off at myself for not explaining those reasons here.

*******

previous Grimm 222: Ladies Past & Dignified Grimm, The Kind of Guy to Laugh At http://wp.me/p41c99-18h

next Grimm 224: Solenne http://wp.me/p41c99-191

 

 

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 211-235 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 222: Ladies Past & Dignified Grimm, the Kind of Guy to Laugh At

December 29, 2014

Well this has been the week of ladies past.  I heard from people who seemed to come out of nowhere to send me holiday greetings.

I’m not sure how some of these people got my address but I received cards from Flower and Bob, Lauren, Megan, Shannon, Snow White, and Sweetheart.

Flower and Bob are still living in the old apartment and they wrote that they want me to move back because the person upstairs from them is annoying.  I guess they miss me because I was less annoying, which is hard to believe.

Sweetheart sent a card created from paper she made from some kind of vegetation, and wrote a lot of spiritual blessings on it, with no mention of Valentina.  There was no return address, but it was postmarked from Arizona, which confirms my suspicions that she’s on the Native American reservation.

Lauren’s card said that she was going to be 18 in a couple of months and would I like to get together with her.  Kinda freaky and weird, but I did send a card back which said that yeah we can go somewhere for a cup of coffee or something, but I casually indicated I have a girlfriend.

Megan, aka the drunken maiden, sent me a card which apologized about her parents, her behavior, and thanked me for being a gentleman.

Shannon, aka tits, wants to get together sometime, but I have no intention of responding to her.  First, because she’s kind of a manipulative bitch.  Second, because she’s too hot and I’m too horny and I have no temptations whatsoever to cheat on Solenne but I’m afraid I might explode.

Snow White said she’d still like to come up to Boston and visit.  We’ve texted on and off and she knows I have a girlfriend.  She’s a nice girl so I know it would only be as friends that we’d hang out, so maybe we’ll plan something.  She also welcomed me to visit her in Florida, she’d get me passes for Disney World, and she said I could bring Solenne.

Then other than the people I see every day or most days, I saw Iona, Paula, Olivia, and Emma.

Iona, Olivia the avant garde perverted kidnapping crazy photographer, and Paula are stories for another time.  For now, I’d like to focus the rest of this journal entry on Emma.

On Christmas, Pete went to his parents’, Cola went to her parents’, and Bogart went to his mother’s (which is also a story in and of itself).  I went to my parents and I brought Solenne.  As usual, there’s a lot of family there during the holidays.  Uncle Dan was there.  I tried to ignore him and he was tentative around me since I think it was Easter when I punched him in the face.  For good reason, but I’m not going to get into that now.  Again, the tension of his presence is a whole other story.

Anyway, I wasn’t expecting Emma, I guess she communicated with my mother and wanted to surprise me.  I haven’t heard from her since she left.  I figured she was busy or maybe resentful since I rejected her attempt to use me for sexual experience so she could be ready for the guys in Spain.  She had returned home for a couple weeks over the holiday and arrived at my parents’ house Christmas night.  It was a record breaking warm night, raining on and off, and when Emma arrived, Solenne and I were standing outside on the back patio.  Emma went in through the front door, I guess, and was directed out to where we were.  When she walked out, Solenne and I were kissing.

I sensed someone there, stopped and looked to see Emma with a combination of shock and embarrassment smeared across her face.  She said, “I’m sorry,” and took off back inside.

It was weird but when I saw her, it almost felt to me as if I had been cheating on her or something.  I felt guilty as if I had been deceptive.  I’ve been wicked into Solenne, pretty much had forgotten about Emma.  Mostly I think because I was finally able to let go of the dream.  But when I saw her, I got so confused.  Then her reaction to my kissing Solenne was perplexing.  Emma’s feelings about me have never been clear, except before I revealed how I felt about her.  Before that, we were just best friends.  Once she knew I was in love with her, things got really complicated.  She’s rejected me numerous times, and other times confused me with her motivations.  It was painful, but still a relief, when she left for Spain and I finally resolved myself to let her go.

After she ran back into the house, I called to her.  Then I said to Solenne, “excuse me,” and I went in after her.  I felt like I wanted to be alone with her just to be able to talk without the awkwardness of our history making Solenne uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to be rude or disrespectful to Solenne.  I’m with her now, so she needs to be my priority.  She actually tells me what she wants and how she feels, not like Emma who plays games.  I don’t believe that Emma ever intentionally played games.  I think she was just conflicted and unsure because she had big life plans and I was an unexpected opportunity/obstacle/temptation/disruption…

…whatever.  I understand that, but I moved on.

When I got to her in the house, I took her by the arm.  She turned and said she was sorry and that she should have told me she was coming.  I said, “no, it’s a surprise.”  Which is a polite way of saying, ‘you made my heart drop when I saw you, I’m still in love with you, and I’m about to pass out because all the blood in my head went to my dick which was already hard enough.’  Then the fleeting last thought, ‘you fucking bitch, don’t distract me from Solenne, I’m happy now.’

Anyway, I took her out to meet Solenne and they got along well, though I never saw Emma exhibit such insecurity before.  They spoke some French, which sucked because I didn’t understand much at all, and I knew they were talking about me, and I never found out what they were saying except Solenne later told me it was all “nice things, and some funny things.”

Yeah there’s a lot of reasons to laugh at me.  I’m just that kind of guy.

The evening progressed and we all had a good time.  I had a guilty satisfaction that Emma seemed hurt and jealous, and a little disoriented that I wasn’t internally pining for her but was rather obviously devoted to Solenne.  I don’t ever want to see Emma hurt, of course.  It just made me feel good about myself that I could show her that I’m a man who can move on with dignity, and not a hopeless brokenhearted boy clinging to a fantasy.

Emma left before we did, and it was sad to see her go.  That was the moment when I realized how much I missed her, and would continue to miss her, and how intensely she causes my heart to beat.

No theme song today, because the silence is a reflection of the part of me that will forever be empty without Emma.

*******

previous Grimm 221: Nothing Else is Salsa http://wp.me/p41c99-17O

next Grimm 223: Iona, Olivia, & Paula http://wp.me/p41c99-18w

 

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J

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Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 211-235 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 22 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 219:

December 18, 2014

Last night, I accidentally got stoned with Astrid.  To say it was accidental may seem to make no sense, but it’s true that I didn’t purposely intend to get as stoned as I did.  I’m just a layman now when it comes to smoking pot since I don’t do it anymore.  All it took was two hits, but it was good shit.  Anyway, let me set up the scene.  My name is Wall Grimm and here I share my tale of getting high by default, as opposed to my fault.

WALL GRIMM THE BAKER

I went down to see Astrid to give her and her daughter their Christmas gifts early.  I haven’t mentioned her daughter yet, but I don’t see her much since she’s always with friends.  She’s 16 and her name is Shaye.  So I went down there and Astrid, Shaye, and a friend of Shaye’s were planning to get high.  (There needs to be some clarification as to why Astrid would smoke with her daughter, and why I caved and smoked since I’ve been so well abstained, but I’ll get into that in another journal entry).  Shaye was incapable of rolling a proper joint so she resolved herself to pack a bowl.  I could’ve done it, but I didn’t.  I’m stubborn like that.

Before I write anymore, I have to say that I wanted to be sure to tell the complete story, so I wrote notes in the memo of my phone.  I think I’ll show you the notes first and explain later:

1. Too humble to think of a better word than cool

2. The new boots are like people.  They’re outside they’re slippers.  They’re inside they’re boots.  Opposite that.

3. Astrid making up words insisting they’re in the dictionary with me puppet show two asses hiding or thinking so from behind couch what was she thinking Astrid didn’t know we were seen but I did daughter doesn’t flush toilet daughter high but once her friend got there she blamed it on us but first said we were awesome but changed it to annoying once she got caught she said her name is Shayte spelled s h a y t e but that was my mistake she really said Shaye

4. Salsa sauce

5. Elf on a shelf

6. Tin foil wrapped around itself with a sock on its head and a joint

7. Felt like Ron Swanson dancing

Ok, these notes need clarification.

I’ll start with the last one.  When I used to get high, I was real cool.  I was Ron Fucking Swanson:

ron swanson

After two hits, I became Ron Swanson on Snake Juice:

7561126136_1e1343d537_z[1]

Yep.  That’s me.

I blame Astrid.

Allow me to translate the notes:

1.  Astrid said she probably wouldn’t remember anything, so I said that when she wakes up, she’ll only know this fact, “Grimm’s really cool when he’s high.”  Then she said when I’d wake up, I would think “Astrid’s really insightful when she’s high.”  Then she told me the word cool was lame and I had to think of a better word.  I said no, my vanity was only allowing me to extend so far as “cool”.  She said that I was too humble to think of a better word than cool.

2.  She has these boots that are like boots when you wear them outside, but they’re comfortable and like slippers when you wear them inside.  When I wrote the note about that I made a mistake and wrote it the opposite way.  I was too stoned to change it, so I followed up with “opposite that”.  But yeah, this is where she got insightful.  She said “like people”.  They change depending upon they’re environments.  This can be either a physical or psychological transition.  Or both.

3.  This note was a bunch of things mixed in.  I’ll explain the Shaye name confusion another time.  And I guess Shaye doesn’t flush the toilet.  Self explanatory.  Astrid just told me to write that in my notes, I don’t know why.  Then there was when Shaye’s other friend showed up.  She mumbled to him that we were high and said that Astrid and I were awesome.  Astrid said “what?”  Shaye said, “you’re annoying.”  Astrid and I looked at each other.  We knew the truth of it.  We knew we were in fact awesome and Shaye knew it too.  She was just wicked high and pinning it on us.  But as for the rest of this note…I think this deserves a journal entry all on its own, so I’m going to leave this for another day.

4, 5, and 6 will be included in that journal entry.

For now, let me get down to the essence of the experience of getting high last night with Astrid.

I was trying to be cool like I used to be, but Astrid was making me laugh.  I tried to be kinda quiet, which I prefer to be, but whenever I did try to talk, she’d go off on a different tangent.  Astrid has ADHD – Attention Deficit when High Disorder.  I was determined, however, to finish whatever I was saying before her diversions.  I’d have to trace back the conversation to where it started and try to figure out the point I was trying to make and how the commencement of it lead to where I ended up.  I should have just quit but I had to do it, if only to prove to myself that I was capable of rational, clear, and sequential thought, hence enforcing the solidity of my cognition.  The all powerful and functioning faculties of Grimm.  There’s an innuendo in there…

Anyway, the result was that what would be a five minute story turned into an epic tale, though I wished I could just stop talking.  But I had to finish the fucking story.  That’s all I wanted.  And in the end it actually was only five minutes that these moments of suspected verbosity lasted, because I frequently checked the time.  Time slowed down so it seemed like forever.

Then, as I was trying to explain something and she would go off with it, wandering around the house cleaning or something, she just couldn’t stop moving, and she wouldn’t stop talking, she’d just go off with what I said and then when she’d finally sit down she’d say, “oh I get it” and then explain to me what I meant.  I told her it was an interesting process to see her basically have a conversation with herself and work it all out until she made sense of it.  I was glad that I didn’t have to explain it to her, because then we’d just end up in one of those cycles again.

Last thing I have to say for now, and I’ll write more about the rest later, is that when I used to get stoned I was pretty quiet and serious.  But last night I couldn’t stop laughing.  And what follows is an observation I’ve made in the past when I’d stay quiet and watch and listen to the other stoned people in the room.  Last night I experienced it for myself.

There’s usually a couple people following everything more than everyone else.  One is the quiet one, like I used to be.  Ron Fucking Swanson.  The other is the one who can have spurts of verbosity but no matter what, just laughs a lot.  That was me last night.  Ron Swanson on Snake Juice.

When you’re laughing at people when they’re stoned, they think, because you’re laughing so much, that you’re stoned out of your mind and so they laugh at you, though they are likely more stoned since they didn’t even realize you were only laughing because of how stoned they are.  Or it could be opposite of that, and you don’t even realize it.  However, when I’m stoned, I’m always convinced I’m in a state of perfect acumen.  When I’m stoned, I’m super aware of what’s going on, but last night I felt like I had no control over my body, like I’d forget it exists since I was so enwrapped within my own mind.  I’d have to break out of my mind from time to time, and try to pay attention to what I was physically doing, since my body language is the culprit that would expose how high I truly am, when I’m experiencing presence of mind rather than presence of body.  Things I say make sense.  But because people don’t always follow what I’m saying, usually because they are too stoned, they assume I’m not making any sense, and my awkward physicality only validates that opinion.  Of course, one needs to be stoned in order to think this way.

But then, what I wrote above is a rough example of the kind of shit I say when I do speak, so who the hell can blame anyone else for not following me.

To be continued…

I have no theme song for this journal entry.  Instead, I’m going to take a moment of silence to reflect upon the teachings of Ron Fucking Swanson.

 

*******

previous Grimm 218: Valentina, Internal Battles, and the Distraction of Jessica Lange http://wp.me/p41c99-16N

next Grimm 220: This Journal Entry Has a Title http://wp.me/p41c99-17z

This is the snake juice scene, with Ron Swanson dancing at the end:

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

 

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 211-235 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 218: Valentina, Internal Battles, and the Distraction of Jessica Lange

December 11, 2014

 

I need a vacation from people.  I used to like time to myself, and spent lots of time alone.  I’d take off and travel on sporadic, spontaneous, and random occasions.  But now I have three roommates, so I am never home alone.  I sometimes go in my room for solitude, but if Pete or Cola haven’t taken Bogart out, then he’s at my door all confused as to why I’m in there with the door closed.  He’s like a dog or a cat that way.  Something unusual throws off the routine and he gets all disoriented.

I lived alone for a while and when I was home I’d talk to myself.  I think people often talk to themselves, so it’s not a weird thing.  But here with three roommates, I find that at times when I would normally talk to myself, I catch it before I do it, so now I’m just mumbling an awful lot.  They say, what? what are you saying? what are you mumbling about?

Nothing.

I am Grimm the Mumbler.  Mumbling Grimm.  I used to be a Ramblin’ Man, but now I’m the Mumblin’ Guy.

I’m not complaining, just kind of expressing one aspect of my world that isn’t perfect.  Generally my life is good these days.  I’m busy which prevents me from thinking about things that might bring me down, like Valentina.  In that way, never being alone is probably a good thing.  External distractions are a manner by which I avoid internal destructions.

It was a year ago on November 29th that Valentina died.  I’ve been trying to ignore it, but everyone knows about it and they’ve got that concerned look in their eyes.  Except Bogart, of course, who is clueless, which is better than concerned.  No one has brought up the subject, I think they know I am avoiding the topic altogether.  I think about her every fucking day.  I think about how she would be growing, learning, developing new skills, and reaching milestones.  How she would look at me, smile, laugh, how it would feel to hold her, what she would smell like.  How my entire world would revolve around her and she would be my ultimate priority for the rest of my life.  How she would grow up and I’d have to beat up all her boyfriends and no one would ever be good enough for her.

I think of her every day, so I never expected that the anniversary of her death would be this intense.  This time last year I was in the institution.  Today is the anniversary of when Bogart arrived at the same institution and we met.  I had anticipated raising a little girl, but ended up “adopting” an insane man-puppy-dog.  The universe births strange designs.

Anyway, I’ve been struggling to avoid thoughts and discussions about Valentina, but it’s hard to contain.  That’s why I’m writing it here.  It’s too painful to keep to myself anymore, yet it would be even worse to talk to anyone about it.  I think if I did it could only be Pete.  He saw me at my worst and my weakest, so he knows, and I wouldn’t even need to say much.  But I can’t do that because I think I would just crumble and disintegrate.  Although being alone might set me off on a familiar path of self destruction, despite that I’ve accomplished so much and I have a lot of people relying on me, and my entire world now is set on a solid and dependable foundation.  Yet I feel myself needing to get away, to run away like I used to, to escape somehow.  This bothers me because my responsibilities are keeping me here, which means there are few choices in the way of how to escape.  As a result, I’m thinking about drugs and alcohol.  My abstinence had stabilized in terms of my ability to maintain it, and most times it was relatively easy.  Temptations were overcome by weighing out the consequences and affirming self-pride.  However, I’ve been feeling callous about all these positive things I’ve created in my life and in my self.  I’m beginning not to trust myself anymore, which is always disconcerting.  When you’re not able to trust yourself, then you are the least safe.

I guess it was bound to happen at some point, since I’ve been consistently less self absorbed, more reliable and mature, back to being the go-to-guy.  The go-to-mumblin’ guy.  A crash seems inevitable.  That’s not an excuse, because I’m going to keep fighting it.  I just had to let all that out.  And, I’m well aware that whatever I’m battling within myself would be far worse if I did relapse, because then I’d have to contend with negative thoughts pertaining to personal worth.

Distractions help a lot.  Things outside of me protect me from what’s inside.  Things like the people I need a vacation from, school, work, Blues Monday, or “Walking Dead” and “American Horror Story”.

Therefore, my theme song for this journal entry is “Gods and Monsters” by Lana Del Rey, but the Jessica Lange version.  Jessica Lange is captivating.  I can’t take my eyes off her when she’s on the screen, she’s so freakin’ beautiful and talented she drives me crazy and she’s 60 something years old, but I want her.  I want to make love to her, because you don’t “fuck” a lady like that, you make love to her.  I think this is Jessica Lange’s last season on “America Horror Story” which sucks, because I can’t imagine the show without her.  Anyway, I never heard of this song before I saw her sing it on the show, so I looked it up.  I’m picking it for my theme song because I think the lyrics are appropriate for what I’ve been going through lately.  There are some great lyrics that didn’t make it into the version for the show due to language.  I would’ve liked to hear Jessica Lange sing those lyrics though.  She’s so fucking hot.  I think I’m in love with her.  I’ve never even heard the original Lana Del Rey version, but as far as I’m concerned, the song only exists as sung by Jessica Lange.

And ummmm while I’m on the subject…..Jessica Lange, will you marry me?

 

*******

previous Grimm: 217: A Sh*tload About A Lot of Sh*t http://wp.me/p41c99-16b

next Grimm 219: (untitled) http://wp.me/p41c99-17f

This is the scene from the show:

This is the iTunes version which has additional lyrics:

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 211-235 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 84 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 217: A Sh*tload About A Lot of Sh*t

December 6, 2014

I miss Gary Oldman.  So I’m going to do a Gary Oldmanism today.  But right now I’d like to list Astrid’s strange tendencies.  She didn’t play the game that night, but she’s got some tendencies worth documenting, so I’m going to do that here and now.

WALL GRIMM’S LIST OF ASTRID’S STRANGE TENDENCIES

*She’s always talking about shit, as in bowel movements.  She talks about when she has to go, when she doesn’t have to go, what the consistency is, what the experience of going was like, and she will even want to have you come look at her accomplishment in the toilet.  She has IBS so it’s a huge part of her life that she will share freely.  I guess I’m getting to know her inside and out.

*She will eat Burger King and McDonald’s even though she’ll suffer for it later.  (see above)

*She drinks only one kind of wine, from a box.  She drinks it with an ice cube even though she keeps the box in the fridge.  She never finishes a glass, or cup, or mug (see tendency about dishes below).  Instead she sips and the ice cube melts and then she tops off the glass and adds another cube.  So as she’s walking around with a glass, or cup, or mug…it seems like she’s drinking a lot, but she isn’t really, especially since it’s watered down.  She never gets drunk or even buzzed.

*She doesn’t have many dishes, or glasses, or mugs, or silverware.  What she has is always in her sink.  She hates doing dishes.  I don’t blame her there.  She cleans them out when she wants to use them, and now and then she does everything that’s in the sink.  Sometimes I do them for her.  Now and then she’ll throw it all away just to empty the sink.  Somehow she accumulates more.  She doesn’t own any coffee mugs.  I bring her coffee every morning and she always returns the mug I bring the coffee in, mostly I think just to get it out of her sink.  Sometimes she uses it for a couple days to drink wine out of before she returns it.

*She likes a clean house though whenever she does housework, especially laundry, it hurts her back.  Her decorations are always symmetrical.  She’s an organized person yet somehow she loses everything.

*Her car however is a mess.  But I imagine it would be hard for her to clean it out, since bending and leaning like that would aggravate her back.  I should clean it out for her sometime.

*She is an extremely generous and kind hearted person occasionally to a fault.  Some people take advantage or deceive her.  She is often hurt by other people, trusting in the goodness of people, or caring about them too much to worry about the consequences of being so invested in helping them.

*When she paints her nails, it takes her an entire day, or days.  She constantly adds new coats, then when it’s not perfect, she takes it all off and starts over.  Then she complains for days after that it looks bad.

*She’s always running out of toilet paper.  (see shit tendency above)  I supply her with a roll about every other day.  When she buys toilet paper, for some reason she will only buy one roll at a time, instead of buying a whole package.  And though it’s an item she needs so much, she will often forget to buy it when she goes to the store.  I buy more toilet paper than we need, as I account for supplying some to Astrid.

There’s more, but I’m done with Astrid for now.  It’s time for a Gary Oldmanism.

WALL GRIMM’S LORD GARY OLDMANISM

Lord Gary Oldman said:

“There’s 99% crap across pretty much everything.  And then there’s that one plateau where I want to be.”

Ok, so that makes sense, but I’m going to analyze it a little.

The definition of crap is:

Shit as in excrement, the act of taking a shit.  Then there’s the bullshit aspect of it: nonsense, falsehood, exaggeration. Then I was intrigued by this next definition (because yes I looked up the definition of crap): propaganda.  And last but not least, it means trash or junk.

Then I had to look up the definition of propaganda, not because I didn’t know what it is, but in order to thoroughly apply meaning to my Gary Oldmanism.  According to dictionary.com, propaganda is:

“Information, ideas, or rumors deliberately spread widely to help or harm a person, group, movement, institution, nation, etc.”

According to dictionary.com, the definition of plateau is:

“A land area having a relatively level surface considerably raised above adjoining land on at least one side, and often cut by deep canyons.”  Which I’m sure is the definition he meant in a metaphorical sense.

He certainly did not mean: “A period or state of little or no growth or decline.”

Unless if that were the case, and crap were to mean propaganda, I could rephrase what he said and it would go something like this:

“There’s 99% of information which is deliberately intended to harm people across pretty much everything.  And then there’s that one period with no growth where I want to be.”  Which would mean he is self deprecating. (yes I mean deprecating, not defecating, this version of his statement has nothing to do with excrement)

 Or he could have said:

 “There’s 99% people shitting across pretty much everything.  And then there’s that one land area where I want to be.”  If he wanted to avoid getting shit all over himself, or maybe he’s talking about the land area where there’s the most shit and that’s why it’s elevated, if he had a fetish or something.

But obviously Lord Gary Oldman meant:

“There’s 99% bullshit across pretty much everything.  And then there’s that one place risen above all that where I want to be.”

Which is pretty cool.  I try to take my Gary Oldmanisms and apply them to my life, so we’re going with the latter one here, since it’s reflective of what I believe to be his intended meaning.  Lord Gary Oldman is right.  There’s so much fucking bullshit in the world, and I also want to be above all that.  Of course, it’s different for him being famous and having to deal with media and Hollywood and all that crap, shit, bullshit, junk, nonsense…  But for me, I feel I’ve done a pretty good job.  The hardest thing for me has been rising above my own bullshit.  I’ve bullshit myself, I’ve bullshit other people, my actions have at times stemmed from pure bullshit motivated by bullshit.  That’s a lot of bullshit.  I’ve had to grow up a lot.  I grew up very young, too young, but all that did was make me more immature, if that makes any sense.  I was more reckless, fearless, unconcerned about consequence, and self absorbed as a result.  I think if you’re forced to grow up early because of family and having to take on an adult role, you mature sooner.  But if you are forced to grow up as the result of trauma and circumstances beyond your control at a young age, then you just are sooner aware of the adult world and as a child you’re not equipped to handle it so you think you’re real mature, but you’re just kind of a dangerous monster, mostly to yourself, and you’re set on a path of one bad choice after another since you don’t really care about anything, because it all becomes bullshit.  So there’s that kind of bullshit to rise above too, which is more a matter of perspective.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

My theme song for this journal entry is “My Name is Mud” by Primus, because it seems oddly relevant and Astrid likes Primus, as do I.

*******

previous Grimm 216: Bogart and Ashley http://wp.me/p41c99-15P

next Grimm 218: Valentina, Internal Battles, and the Distraction of Jessica Lange http://wp.me/p41c99-16N

 

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

 
Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 211-235 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 216: Bogart and Ashley

December 4, 2014

It’s time to tell the Grimm tale of Bogart and Ashley.  Things were going fine, but largely based on sex.  Problems began as Ashley gradually realized that Bogart was not capable of taking her out on his own.  I had to play chauffeur/chaperone a lot of times.  Once, I took them to the movies and dropped them off, but waited outside in the parking lot.  I had given Bogart money so he could pay for tickets and get snacks.  This was a test to see how independent he could be.

Apparently, at one point during the movie, Bogart left the theatre to go to concession for more popcorn.  While he was getting popcorn, he decided to spend the rest of the money, which was meant for dinner afterwards, on candy.  He never returned to the theatre.  Who knows what he was doing, but she finally came out and he was playing a video game with a twelve-year-old.

She was annoyed and they came out early before the movie ended.  Good thing I was waiting in the parking lot.  She wanted to go home, and on the way to her house, I had to pull over for Bogart to puke since he ate so much candy.

There were a few instances like that, when she was beginning to feel like their time alone together, when not involving sex, was more like she was babysitting him, than dating him.

The last straw was when she was over to watch the 4th season of the “Walking Dead” with us, before the 5th began.  She hated that show, but I got the feeling she wanted to spend time with me rather than Bogart.  Bogart was getting the same feeling.

So we were watching the show and she was disgusted by the gore, but asking me lots of questions about the characters and plots and stuff.  “…Things…stuff…” (credit Rick Grimes).  Bogart was getting jealous and told her to go in his bedroom so they could have sex.  She said no, she’s watching the show.  He began to pace, very agitated, and got more insistent that she go in his room with him.  I knew he was feeling jealous so I didn’t want to defend her by telling him to leave her alone, since he could easily get into one of his delusional and paranoid states and I’d rather not turn him against me.  Pete felt the same way about it as he remained quiet.  But Cola, who Bogart actually does treat like a woman, even though he’s baffled that she’s physiologically a man, has a different rapport with him, and is kind of motherly to him.  She told him that a lady has the right to choose what she wants to do.

This stunted him briefly, but it was kinda too late, since his agitation already got him in an irreversible state.  He said, “no! she’s mine!” and he grabbed Ashley roughly by the arm, pulled her up off the couch to take her to his room.

That’s when it was time for me to step in, once he got physical with her like that.  So I broke her free from his grip and stood in front of her, facing him and said, “you can’t force her to do what she doesn’t want to do and you should never lay your hands on a woman like that,” trying to be as diplomatic as I could be.  But he lost it.

He walked away then paced for a second, then walked in circles, in this rage.  Meanwhile, Cola got Ashley and told her she was going to take her home.  Once they left, Bogart turned and punched me so hard, I flew off my feet, bounced off the coffee table and hit the floor.  He broke my nose and aggravated my already damaged brain from the Gangsta.  I was completely dazed.  Plus hitting the table like that hurt my back.

Bogart went in for more while I was on the ground, but Pete stepped in, even though Bogart terrifies him at times, and said, “Bogart, no one here ever wants to do anything to hurt you.  Ever.  We’re all on your side.”  This seemed to catch Bogart off guard.  It’s not something anyone has probably ever said to him in the past when he was raging.  He’s never raged on me or any of us, so it was brilliant that that’s what Pete came up with to say.  I’m sure in the past others might have said things like, “calm down, stop, don’t do that, he didn’t do anything wrong.”  Essentially those words would just be trying to control him, when he’s in an uncontrollable and irrational state, or they would be defending the other person he’s attacking, and that defense would feel to him like a personal attack.

Rather, what Pete said was just a statement of truth that Bogart could recognize and believe, so long as he wasn’t hearing any voices contradicting that.  But Pete’s words stunted him, confused him for a minute, then he stormed into his room and slammed the door.

Once Cola got back from driving Ashley home, Pete took me to the hospital just for x-rays but my back was ok, as was my brain which was what I was worried about.  I was just very dazed, with a broken nose but there’s nothing you can do about that except clean up the blood.  Bogart never came out of his room the few hours that I was at the ER.  But Cola had checked on him, speaking through the door to make sure he was ok.

When Pete and I returned home, Bogart must have heard us because he came out immediately.  He trotted out stating that Ashley was a “cow” and a “slag” anyway and that I’m a tough bastard but I looked like a “git” because of the bruising around my eyes and nose and the split across the bridge.  Then he wanted to watch the “zombie program” some more and basically behaved like nothing happened.

Ashley has never come back and he never mentions her, he only says he wishes he was still having sex and that he wants another girl to have sex with all the time.  He’s definitely not heartbroken.

And so that’s the story.  Bogart is not cruel or selfish.  He’s just kind of like a 2 year-old.  The world revolves around him, he applies “mine” to things he wants, people become obstacles when they get in his way and they’re no longer people to him, just walls to break down.  His medication seems to keep the voices and delusions away for the most part, or strengthens his ability to ignore them and separate them from himself.  But with the 2 year-old mentality and the delusions at work…well the combination can be dangerous.  But he’d never hurt someone out of cruelty, he’s not a sociopath, he’s just an innocent.  Which is why it’s good he trusts me, then he doesn’t get paranoid.  I don’t think he ever had to deal with jealousy over a girl or that possessiveness.  It’s something we all feel at times.  He just couldn’t handle it.

I didn’t get mad that he hit me, because I understood what he was going through, and I was just an obstacle and a cause as far as he was concerned.  So I didn’t feel mad, I felt bad.  Bad for Bogart.  But I also feel that in the end it was a good experience for him.  It was real life bull shit, real life emotions, shit he needs to experience in order to know how to exist in the world.  And we talked about it afterwards.  I try to address stuff when I know he’s in the right frame of mind to take in important subject matter.  I reiterated what Pete said, that none of us would ever do anything purposely to hurt him, but I also told him he needs to respect other people, mostly women, who seem to always be objects in his eyes.  Women to Bogart seem to be like some kind of foreign species he can’t figure out but that doesn’t matter to him anyway since he only wants to fuck them.  That’s kind of a pubescent mentality.  He’s a whole range of ages, none of which are mature.  But I’m not one to talk about maturity.

Anyway, my theme song for this journal entry is “Take Me to Church” by Hozier, just because it’s a fucking awesome song.

*******

previous Grimm 215: Grimm’s HyperSynopsis and Apple Bottom, Served with Eggnog http://wp.me/p41c99-15B

next Grimm 217: A Sh*tload About A Lot of Sh*t http://wp.me/p41c99-16b

 

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 211-235 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 215: Grimm’s HyperSynopsis and Apple Bottom, Served with Eggnog

December 2, 2014

Ok here’s the speediest overview of everything that’s gone on since I stopped writing in my journal:

WALL GRIMM’S HYPERSYNOPSIS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

sex before getting the girlfriend, lack of sex after getting the girlfriend, need for sex, masturbation, girlfriends (me with Solenne and Bogart with Ashley), loss of girlfriend (Bogart), school, studying, homework, Blues Monday, work, “Walking Dead”, “American Horror Story”, Halloween, Bogart’s birthday (he is now 23), unusually hot weather, snow, Thanksgiving, I quit smoking, exercise, Pete got a boyfriend, “The Lego Movie”, singing “Everything is Awesome” nonstop for a week after seeing “The Lego Movie”, buying Bogart Legos after seeing the movie, ordering a Wubble Bubble Ball off the “tele”, causing household damage with the Wubble Bubble Ball, Wubble Bubble Ball explodes, getting sick (me and Cola), Hasty visited (as you know, journal, just adding it in for consistency), computer issues, discovering that Christopher Lee has a heavy metal band (he’s 90-fucking-2!), missing Gary Oldman, missing my journal (don’t get all sappy on me), Bogart recently completed a Peer to Peer class at NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) which helped him learn strategies of living with mental illness, I attended the NAMI annual convention which helped me a lot with regards to supporting Bogart, this list is getting longer than I planned I’ll finish quickly: foliage, hiking, lack of sex, running, need for sex, daylight savings, masturbation, lack of sex (this lack includes hand jobs and blow jobs), lots of kissing, masturbation, blueballs, cold showers don’t help, I hate cold showers, perpetual erection, the need for sex, Wubble Bubble Ball explodes (there’s no connection between the need for sex and the Wubble Bubble Ball exploding, Invisible Journal Reading People have sick minds).

I guess that kind of sums things up a little.  I missed a few things, but whatever, I’ll get to important stuff eventually if I feel like it.

But yeah…getting back into the flow of it…here’s some more stuff with slightly more elaboration:

I’ve been aiming to get healthier so I decided to get a juicer figuring that would be a good thing to do or a way to get started, but I didn’t know where to find one.  I called Job Lot and asked the girl on the phone if they had juicers.  This was the conversation:

“Do you have juicers?”

“What kind of juicers?”

“…….The kind you put fruits and vegetables in and make juice.”

“No we don’t, but we have juice already made.”

(too baffled to respond or even laugh) “……ok, thanks.”

hang up

wtf

Ok so after procuring myself a juicer at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, I decided I needed new running shoes, so I went to Bob’s where I bought myself a pair with memory foam.  Putting those sneakers on is the closest thing I can get to sex these days.  They make me moan and go mmmmmm, man that feels so good.

Contrary to juicing, quitting smoking, running and exercising more, and making a bunch of other healthy choices, I decided that I love eggnog, which is kinda like liquid sex for me lately, and so I’ve been having it in everything.  Coffee, cereal, oatmeal, and other random stuff.

Speaking of lack of sex, Bogart hasn’t had sex since Ashley left him, which is another story for another time, and he’s been looking at me funny lately.  He’s not gay or bi but he accommodates for his own needs.  As he’s said in the past, if he were to close his eyes and do a “bloke” from behind without any extra touching, he wouldn’t know the difference.  I get the idea, but I’m never that desperate.  So one morning during breakfast, I’m in my bikini briefs as I often am while in my own apartment, toasting a muffin, a homemade eggnog muffin, and I get this creepy vibe so I turn to see Bogart with a warped glare in his eyes as he looks me up and down.

“Get that out of your fucking mind, Bogart.”

Cola, who was seated at the table said, “It’s always on my mind, Caballero, but you never stop me.”

“Well I didn’t know that, and you don’t look at me like that.”

“I’m more discrete, of course.  But you should know these things.  What about your psychicisms?”

“I tune them out with daily distractions.”

“You’re a daily distraction.”

Then Pete walked in apparently having heard the entire conversation, “I concur.”

I poignantly expressed, “wtf” then turned around to ignore the presence of these people while I buttered my muffin.

Cola added, “Well you parade around in your tiny little underpants showcasing that nice round Italian apple bottom of yours.”

Pete did a spit take with his coffee.

I left the room with my muffin.

I otherwise deny that conversation existed, but I’m documenting it here now so I can frame Cola one day.  C-O-L-A Cola.

And otherwise, as promised, I’ll be filling people in on everyone’s STRANGE TENDENCIES on occasion.  Since Cola didn’t play, having been sick, I think I’ll make some up for her.  But for now, here are mine:

-I hate the number six for some reason.

-When I’m using the microwave I make the number I’m punching in end in the number seven.  These are the times I often use: 1:47, 2:37, 2:47, :47, :27; then there’s the triple digit times: 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, etc.

-I pick my nose.

-I hate driving around looking for a parking place, so I park far away because I’d rather walk a distance than look for a closer spot.

-I moan when I take a good shit and if it’s a real good one, I will reflect for an hour or longer about how good it felt to take that shit.

-I bite my nails, sometimes after I’ve picked my nose.  But that’s ok, I usually wipe my fingers on my shirt before I put them in my mouth.

-I don’t like to have sex (when I used to have it) or jerk off while Gary Oldman II is in the same room with me.

-When I’m alone and reading, I like to read aloud in an Italian or a Romanian accent.  Sometimes if it’s slow at work and no one’s in the store, I’ll do it then too, until someone comes in.

And I guess that’s it, so until next time, adieu.

My theme song for this journal entry is “The Impossible Dream” by Christopher Lee, of course.

*******

previous Grimm 214: Super Attractive Grimm’s Commentary and Philosophy of Introspection http://wp.me/p41c99-14V

next Grimm 216: Bogart and Ashley http://wp.me/p41c99-15P

 

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

This journal entry features Hasty from https://hastywords.wordpress.com/

 

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 211-235 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 214: Super Attractive Grimm’s Commentary and Philosophy of Introspection

November 30, 2014

I miss you Journal.

It’s been a time of activity and obstacles and just tons of shit going on.  All good though.  And I think it’s really cool that Hasty wrote some pages for me to paste in here.  So I think, as I recommence my journal writing, I’ll begin with my response to everything she wrote.

My name is Wall Grimm, and here is my response to Hasty’s journal entries:

WALL GRIMM’S JOURNAL COMMENTARY AND FOOTNOTES

*I like that she thinks I’m hot.

*I like that she thinks I am “super attractive”.

*It’s cool that she felt comfortable to just show up spontaneously and unannounced at my new place.

*Bogart and the pecans….hmmm.  I don’t have an explanation for that.  I think he threw them out for the squirrels but then changed his mind.  He was in his underwear because he wandered off, I usually don’t like to lose sight of him and this is a good example why.  But yeah, why he was putting the pecans in his underwear is just another Bogartism I can’t explain.

*Bogart is silly as Hasty says, but he is also clinically insane.  He has his moments but mostly he is doing well on his medication.  I think that’s because he’s happy where he’s living, with me, Pete, Cola, and Gary Oldman II, and of course he likes Astrid.

*It was a good moment when we were running around like kids.  I tend to feel so responsible for Bogart at times that I forget to have those moments and let him be.  When the fuck did I become so mature?  But yeah, I didn’t immediately tell him to go put his pants on, despite that Hasty was ogling him.  Hasty you pervert.

*Surprisingly Bogart didn’t punch me in the face while Hasty was around, but he’s getting better about avoiding my face.

*Yes I forbade Hasty from kissing Bogart, because he isn’t the kind of guy that a girl can give a friendly kiss to.  For him that’s implied consent for everything else.

*Playing STRANGE TENDENCIES was cool, I think I’ll include mine, Pete’s, Bogart’s, and Solenne’s in different journal entries at random times.

*Just for the record, I offered for Hasty to sleep in my room while I slept on the couch, because I’m a gentleman like that.  But she wanted to sleep with Pete.  I think that she likes that he is gay and she can go to bed with him without sex being involved.

*It was traumatizing for Pete to fly out of bed across the room, flip around mid-air (not really), and land splat on the floor.  Bogart isn’t usually physically aggressive with him because he thinks he’s delicate.  Pete’s not delicate, but he appreciates that opinion since he wants to avoid Bogart’s affectionate violence that he shows me.

*I told Astrid how Hasty described her and she laughed.  Astrid believes she is uncoordinated and clumsy and also insecure.  But I see what Hasty is saying.  Since Astrid has a bad back, she moves slowly at times, and in nonverbal terms, that indicates precision and confidence.  I think most people are more insecure than they come across anyway.

*Apparently Hasty thinks I don’t trust her because I was kind of a barrier between her and Bogart.  I trust Hasty.  I don’t trust Bogart.  And that’s another story I have to catch you up on, wise old journal.  Bogart’s girlfriend, you need to know what happened with her.  Be patient, journal.  You’ll know in due time.

*I’m sorry that Hasty is prone to depression.  I’ve had my fair share of it myself.  I have my own philosophy about it, in response to Hasty’s introspection.

WALL GRIMM PHILOSOPHIZES ABOUT HASTY’S INTROSPECTION

Depression is irrational, completely.  And it’s self perpetuating, a seemingly impossible cycle to break.  I think we have to recognize our own worth, no one else can do it for us.  And the people who talk and say nice things to help us out, those words are heard and put on reserve and set aside, but never absorbed.  Instead those people are just labeled as good people, kind people, people to trust maybe, people who have good things to say.  And when we begin to break free of the cycle, and begin to recognize self-worth, those ideas can little by little come out of the subconscious and give us a better perspective of ourselves.  So those words can help eventually, or help us to continue along the way, though they’re not necessarily believed at the time.  It really all comes down to our own ability to find truth in it all, opposing the lies of depression.  And if we stop doing for others, then those others will begin to do for us, if they are true friends.  If they don’t, then there’s the revelation which can be painful but also liberating.  And pushing people away is easy not always because people are easily pushed away, but because often people will do what they can to give you space or do whatever it takes to make you happy.  That’s not always the case, but with true friends it is.  Hasty talks about introspection, but there’s no time for introspection when you’re never alone.  Being alone is kind of tricky at times.  It can get you deeper, or it can give you pause and time to reflect.  It’s the reflection that is the key to break you out, but you have to alter the fallacies of depression, and that is extremely challenging.  Also, the course of depression is often directly related to circumstances in life.  If these circumstances are catalysts, then if at all possible they should be changed.  But many times we don’t have control over these external situations that we don’t create, rather they are created for us.  That is an added challenge when we have to ride things out.  Sometimes the circumstances change, or if we have the ability we can change them ourselves, but if they are relatively permanent, we need to find some way to survive, and again the key is thought processes.  We may not be able to alter things outside of ourselves, and therefore we need to focus inward.  Easier said than done of course, but not altogether impossible though it seems to be.

–by Wall Grimm, student of psychology

Ok and back to it…

*That song “A Pocket Full of Sunshine” is not my kind of song, something I’d never sing, but Pete and Hasty had been singing it and listening to it all day so by the time I was on stage I already new the lyrics.  I didn’t play the guitar for that song because I didn’t know the chords but I’ve been getting pretty good at guitar, so I played it for other songs, and my harmonica which I always carry on me.  So I sang that song for Hasty, because I thought it would make her happy.  That was my sacrifice.

*Nothing worse happened with Hasty that night, because we were right on that guy.  Bogart isn’t very perceptive since he lives in his own world, but I got up quick and said something about the guy, what his intentions seemed to be, and as I headed toward him, Bogart charged passed me.  I had to control Bogart or he would have killed the guy.  He doesn’t know when to stop, and that’s true in many circumstances.  Anyway, Hasty was safe, though the guy hit her.  I wanted to prevent that guy from doing anything to any other girl so after we left the bar, I called the police.  They weren’t called while we were there because it ended pretty quickly.  Hasty didn’t want them to come or to go through the ordeal of it all, so I just got us out of there before I called.  Strange thing is that if Bogart hadn’t been there, it would’ve been me that people would’ve had to control.  I wanted to kill that guy as much as Bogart did, well probably more.

And so Hasty was safe, but it sucks that it happened at all.  I wish she hadn’t left before saying goodbye, but I’ll see her again soon.

Lastly, I must reiterate, and this is a vital piece of information which requires further acknowledgement and emphasis:

Hasty thinks I’m hot and super attractive.  Thanks Hasty, you’re not so bad yourself there, sweetheart.

My theme song for this journal entry is “Reach Out, I’ll Be There” by the Four Tops, dedicated to Hasty.

*******

previous Grimm “The Absconded Journal of Wall Grimm as Told by Hasty” 213: Pockets Full of Sunshine and Rohypnol http://wp.me/p41c99-14I

next Grimm 215: Grimm’s HyperSynopsis and Apple Bottom, Served with Eggnog http://wp.me/p41c99-15B

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

This journal entry features Hasty from https://hastywords.wordpress.com/

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 211-235 | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 51 Comments

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