Posts Tagged With: gary oldman

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 225: Random Stew

January 19, 2015

Well last week, after Blues Monday, I called Sharly to recommend a gynecologist, and Solenne made me call to schedule the appointment for her.  Solenne is not usually so unassertive.  It’s a reflection of her shame and discomfort with admitting what was done to her.  We have an appointment for next week.

On Tuesday, classes started up, and incidentally, I got Dean’s List again last semester, so that’s good.  I’ll get into what I’m taking this semester another time, maybe…if I feel like it.

I’ll also maybe tell you another time about today.  It’s Blues Monday, but it’s also Martin Luther King Jr. Day and The Convoy are going to play a gig, which is cool.  We rarely do gigs, but a celebration of  Martin Luther King Jr. is being held at a local hotel throughout the day and evening.  A bunch of Jazz, Blues, and R&B bands are performing, including us.  Solenne has been wanting to come to Blues Monday, but I’ve known about this event for a while and I wanted the first time she’d hear me play to be this performance, the real deal, and not just practice or jamming.  Howard is even going to let me sing again.  The best part is that we’re towards the end of the lineup, which is a compliment to the band, means we’re that good.  Not the major headliner, but we’re up there.

Anyway, for now, I will present to you, Invisible Journal Reading People, a series of random things.  My name is Wall Grimm and here are some random things I feel like mentioning.

WALL GRIMM’S ARBITRARY OCCURENCES AND PENSIVENESS

*One morning, the day after it was my turn to do the dishes, a task which I failed to do because I was remiss, I went to have my coffee and saw that there was a limited selection of clean cups to choose from.  (I did do the dishes later in the day.  I’m not that remiss).  The only thing available was this thing of Cola’s.  It was a cup with a teapot on top, so the shape of the two pieces together looked like a tea pot.  I took the cup, which was more like something you’d have soup in, or café au lait rather than just your standard morning cup of coffee.  So as I take a sip, it spills down my chest, and underwear, which is no fun way to wake up.  Later that same day, Hasty stopped by to bring me a present.  It was a coffee mug, with a picture of me and her on it.  She’s very sweet.  Now when I use it, I text her and say, “I’m drinking out of your mug,” as mug is a pun for her face.

*American Horror Story season finale this week.  Is it just me or does Jessica Lange get more beautiful every episode?  She distracts me while I’m watching the show.

*I was taking Bogart to his counselor appointment, and he noticed the sign that said: “No Parking / No Estacionarse”.  He laughed and exclaimed, “No estacionarse, no stationin’ your arse! bwaaahahaaaaa.”

*As a personal philosophy, I like to think there are more good people in the world than there are bad people, because if the opposite were true, then the world would be truly fucked.

*I’m going through this thing lately, and I’m not sure how I feel about it, but I guess there’s some kind of hippie body snatcher that’s taking over, and I think I’m beginning to love… …everyone.

*Another mention of Hasty.  Every now and then we’ll text each other and ask, “what are you wearing?”  She texted me this, and I began my reply with “I’m” but then in the word options I accidentally hit the word “stew” after it.  “I’m stew.”  Strange, I don’t ever remember using the word “stew” before so why it would be in my personal options is beyond me.  I went to delete that word, but my little touch keypad froze up on me, and instead of deleting, it returned to the next line.  I continued to try to back space, but then it unfroze and I hit the “m” by mistake and typed “Mmm.”  Fortunately I didn’t send that, I just restarted my phone and replied normally.  It was funny, but that can’t be explained in a text.  It’s also one of those things that no one ever thinks is as funny as you do.  I avoid trying to describe such things to people.

I’m stew
Mmm

*I’ve said this before, in different ways, but I enjoy when I catch someone doing something stupid when it doesn’t involve me and I’m just an observer.  Most times this happens with other drivers, since I’m the only one who seems to know how to freakin’ drive.  I know this isn’t nice, and it’s the part of me that the hippie hasn’t snatched, but I like it when people are stupid and I witness it, because I know they’re doing something I’d never do and therefore I am validated as to how smart I am.

*I like the word villain.  No one ever uses that word anymore except in super hero movies.

*I didn’t do the dishes yesterday either.

And I’m going to end this journal entry with a Lord Gary Oldmanism:

According to some source online, with no reference point, Lord Gary Oldman said, “You ever go into a house, see a light switch, and it’s slightly crooked?  Drives me crazy.”

No Gary, I never have.  Must be something that only happens in England.

I have two theme songs for this journal entry.  I watched “Ishtar” with Pete, Cola, and Bogart the other day, Cola’s recommendation.  It was pretty funny.  So I’m picking “Oh Little Darlin'” and “Dangerous Business” by Rogers and Clarke aka Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman.

*******

***The two incidences above involving Hasty are true.  I did try to have coffee one day and the dishes hadn’t been done, so I used one of those teapot cups and spilled the coffee all over myself.  Later that day I received a package in the mail, a gift from Hasty:

IMG_1602    IMG_1604

Thank you Hasty, you’re a true sweetheart!

Then the texting thing “what are you wearing” is real, we do that, and the thing with “I’m Stew Mmm” was real, and I truly didn’t tell her about it, but maybe she’ll appreciate it when she reads about it here.

previous Grimm 224: Solenne http://wp.me/p41c99-191

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

Hasty is based on herself from http://hastywords.wordpress.com/

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Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 211-235 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 104 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 217: A Sh*tload About A Lot of Sh*t

December 6, 2014

I miss Gary Oldman.  So I’m going to do a Gary Oldmanism today.  But right now I’d like to list Astrid’s strange tendencies.  She didn’t play the game that night, but she’s got some tendencies worth documenting, so I’m going to do that here and now.

WALL GRIMM’S LIST OF ASTRID’S STRANGE TENDENCIES

*She’s always talking about shit, as in bowel movements.  She talks about when she has to go, when she doesn’t have to go, what the consistency is, what the experience of going was like, and she will even want to have you come look at her accomplishment in the toilet.  She has IBS so it’s a huge part of her life that she will share freely.  I guess I’m getting to know her inside and out.

*She will eat Burger King and McDonald’s even though she’ll suffer for it later.  (see above)

*She drinks only one kind of wine, from a box.  She drinks it with an ice cube even though she keeps the box in the fridge.  She never finishes a glass, or cup, or mug (see tendency about dishes below).  Instead she sips and the ice cube melts and then she tops off the glass and adds another cube.  So as she’s walking around with a glass, or cup, or mug…it seems like she’s drinking a lot, but she isn’t really, especially since it’s watered down.  She never gets drunk or even buzzed.

*She doesn’t have many dishes, or glasses, or mugs, or silverware.  What she has is always in her sink.  She hates doing dishes.  I don’t blame her there.  She cleans them out when she wants to use them, and now and then she does everything that’s in the sink.  Sometimes I do them for her.  Now and then she’ll throw it all away just to empty the sink.  Somehow she accumulates more.  She doesn’t own any coffee mugs.  I bring her coffee every morning and she always returns the mug I bring the coffee in, mostly I think just to get it out of her sink.  Sometimes she uses it for a couple days to drink wine out of before she returns it.

*She likes a clean house though whenever she does housework, especially laundry, it hurts her back.  Her decorations are always symmetrical.  She’s an organized person yet somehow she loses everything.

*Her car however is a mess.  But I imagine it would be hard for her to clean it out, since bending and leaning like that would aggravate her back.  I should clean it out for her sometime.

*She is an extremely generous and kind hearted person occasionally to a fault.  Some people take advantage or deceive her.  She is often hurt by other people, trusting in the goodness of people, or caring about them too much to worry about the consequences of being so invested in helping them.

*When she paints her nails, it takes her an entire day, or days.  She constantly adds new coats, then when it’s not perfect, she takes it all off and starts over.  Then she complains for days after that it looks bad.

*She’s always running out of toilet paper.  (see shit tendency above)  I supply her with a roll about every other day.  When she buys toilet paper, for some reason she will only buy one roll at a time, instead of buying a whole package.  And though it’s an item she needs so much, she will often forget to buy it when she goes to the store.  I buy more toilet paper than we need, as I account for supplying some to Astrid.

There’s more, but I’m done with Astrid for now.  It’s time for a Gary Oldmanism.

WALL GRIMM’S LORD GARY OLDMANISM

Lord Gary Oldman said:

“There’s 99% crap across pretty much everything.  And then there’s that one plateau where I want to be.”

Ok, so that makes sense, but I’m going to analyze it a little.

The definition of crap is:

Shit as in excrement, the act of taking a shit.  Then there’s the bullshit aspect of it: nonsense, falsehood, exaggeration. Then I was intrigued by this next definition (because yes I looked up the definition of crap): propaganda.  And last but not least, it means trash or junk.

Then I had to look up the definition of propaganda, not because I didn’t know what it is, but in order to thoroughly apply meaning to my Gary Oldmanism.  According to dictionary.com, propaganda is:

“Information, ideas, or rumors deliberately spread widely to help or harm a person, group, movement, institution, nation, etc.”

According to dictionary.com, the definition of plateau is:

“A land area having a relatively level surface considerably raised above adjoining land on at least one side, and often cut by deep canyons.”  Which I’m sure is the definition he meant in a metaphorical sense.

He certainly did not mean: “A period or state of little or no growth or decline.”

Unless if that were the case, and crap were to mean propaganda, I could rephrase what he said and it would go something like this:

“There’s 99% of information which is deliberately intended to harm people across pretty much everything.  And then there’s that one period with no growth where I want to be.”  Which would mean he is self deprecating. (yes I mean deprecating, not defecating, this version of his statement has nothing to do with excrement)

 Or he could have said:

 “There’s 99% people shitting across pretty much everything.  And then there’s that one land area where I want to be.”  If he wanted to avoid getting shit all over himself, or maybe he’s talking about the land area where there’s the most shit and that’s why it’s elevated, if he had a fetish or something.

But obviously Lord Gary Oldman meant:

“There’s 99% bullshit across pretty much everything.  And then there’s that one place risen above all that where I want to be.”

Which is pretty cool.  I try to take my Gary Oldmanisms and apply them to my life, so we’re going with the latter one here, since it’s reflective of what I believe to be his intended meaning.  Lord Gary Oldman is right.  There’s so much fucking bullshit in the world, and I also want to be above all that.  Of course, it’s different for him being famous and having to deal with media and Hollywood and all that crap, shit, bullshit, junk, nonsense…  But for me, I feel I’ve done a pretty good job.  The hardest thing for me has been rising above my own bullshit.  I’ve bullshit myself, I’ve bullshit other people, my actions have at times stemmed from pure bullshit motivated by bullshit.  That’s a lot of bullshit.  I’ve had to grow up a lot.  I grew up very young, too young, but all that did was make me more immature, if that makes any sense.  I was more reckless, fearless, unconcerned about consequence, and self absorbed as a result.  I think if you’re forced to grow up early because of family and having to take on an adult role, you mature sooner.  But if you are forced to grow up as the result of trauma and circumstances beyond your control at a young age, then you just are sooner aware of the adult world and as a child you’re not equipped to handle it so you think you’re real mature, but you’re just kind of a dangerous monster, mostly to yourself, and you’re set on a path of one bad choice after another since you don’t really care about anything, because it all becomes bullshit.  So there’s that kind of bullshit to rise above too, which is more a matter of perspective.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

My theme song for this journal entry is “My Name is Mud” by Primus, because it seems oddly relevant and Astrid likes Primus, as do I.

*******

previous Grimm 216: Bogart and Ashley http://wp.me/p41c99-15P

next Grimm 218: Valentina, Internal Battles, and the Distraction of Jessica Lange http://wp.me/p41c99-16N

 

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

 
Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 211-235 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 215: Grimm’s HyperSynopsis and Apple Bottom, Served with Eggnog

December 2, 2014

Ok here’s the speediest overview of everything that’s gone on since I stopped writing in my journal:

WALL GRIMM’S HYPERSYNOPSIS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

sex before getting the girlfriend, lack of sex after getting the girlfriend, need for sex, masturbation, girlfriends (me with Solenne and Bogart with Ashley), loss of girlfriend (Bogart), school, studying, homework, Blues Monday, work, “Walking Dead”, “American Horror Story”, Halloween, Bogart’s birthday (he is now 23), unusually hot weather, snow, Thanksgiving, I quit smoking, exercise, Pete got a boyfriend, “The Lego Movie”, singing “Everything is Awesome” nonstop for a week after seeing “The Lego Movie”, buying Bogart Legos after seeing the movie, ordering a Wubble Bubble Ball off the “tele”, causing household damage with the Wubble Bubble Ball, Wubble Bubble Ball explodes, getting sick (me and Cola), Hasty visited (as you know, journal, just adding it in for consistency), computer issues, discovering that Christopher Lee has a heavy metal band (he’s 90-fucking-2!), missing Gary Oldman, missing my journal (don’t get all sappy on me), Bogart recently completed a Peer to Peer class at NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) which helped him learn strategies of living with mental illness, I attended the NAMI annual convention which helped me a lot with regards to supporting Bogart, this list is getting longer than I planned I’ll finish quickly: foliage, hiking, lack of sex, running, need for sex, daylight savings, masturbation, lack of sex (this lack includes hand jobs and blow jobs), lots of kissing, masturbation, blueballs, cold showers don’t help, I hate cold showers, perpetual erection, the need for sex, Wubble Bubble Ball explodes (there’s no connection between the need for sex and the Wubble Bubble Ball exploding, Invisible Journal Reading People have sick minds).

I guess that kind of sums things up a little.  I missed a few things, but whatever, I’ll get to important stuff eventually if I feel like it.

But yeah…getting back into the flow of it…here’s some more stuff with slightly more elaboration:

I’ve been aiming to get healthier so I decided to get a juicer figuring that would be a good thing to do or a way to get started, but I didn’t know where to find one.  I called Job Lot and asked the girl on the phone if they had juicers.  This was the conversation:

“Do you have juicers?”

“What kind of juicers?”

“…….The kind you put fruits and vegetables in and make juice.”

“No we don’t, but we have juice already made.”

(too baffled to respond or even laugh) “……ok, thanks.”

hang up

wtf

Ok so after procuring myself a juicer at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, I decided I needed new running shoes, so I went to Bob’s where I bought myself a pair with memory foam.  Putting those sneakers on is the closest thing I can get to sex these days.  They make me moan and go mmmmmm, man that feels so good.

Contrary to juicing, quitting smoking, running and exercising more, and making a bunch of other healthy choices, I decided that I love eggnog, which is kinda like liquid sex for me lately, and so I’ve been having it in everything.  Coffee, cereal, oatmeal, and other random stuff.

Speaking of lack of sex, Bogart hasn’t had sex since Ashley left him, which is another story for another time, and he’s been looking at me funny lately.  He’s not gay or bi but he accommodates for his own needs.  As he’s said in the past, if he were to close his eyes and do a “bloke” from behind without any extra touching, he wouldn’t know the difference.  I get the idea, but I’m never that desperate.  So one morning during breakfast, I’m in my bikini briefs as I often am while in my own apartment, toasting a muffin, a homemade eggnog muffin, and I get this creepy vibe so I turn to see Bogart with a warped glare in his eyes as he looks me up and down.

“Get that out of your fucking mind, Bogart.”

Cola, who was seated at the table said, “It’s always on my mind, Caballero, but you never stop me.”

“Well I didn’t know that, and you don’t look at me like that.”

“I’m more discrete, of course.  But you should know these things.  What about your psychicisms?”

“I tune them out with daily distractions.”

“You’re a daily distraction.”

Then Pete walked in apparently having heard the entire conversation, “I concur.”

I poignantly expressed, “wtf” then turned around to ignore the presence of these people while I buttered my muffin.

Cola added, “Well you parade around in your tiny little underpants showcasing that nice round Italian apple bottom of yours.”

Pete did a spit take with his coffee.

I left the room with my muffin.

I otherwise deny that conversation existed, but I’m documenting it here now so I can frame Cola one day.  C-O-L-A Cola.

And otherwise, as promised, I’ll be filling people in on everyone’s STRANGE TENDENCIES on occasion.  Since Cola didn’t play, having been sick, I think I’ll make some up for her.  But for now, here are mine:

-I hate the number six for some reason.

-When I’m using the microwave I make the number I’m punching in end in the number seven.  These are the times I often use: 1:47, 2:37, 2:47, :47, :27; then there’s the triple digit times: 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, etc.

-I pick my nose.

-I hate driving around looking for a parking place, so I park far away because I’d rather walk a distance than look for a closer spot.

-I moan when I take a good shit and if it’s a real good one, I will reflect for an hour or longer about how good it felt to take that shit.

-I bite my nails, sometimes after I’ve picked my nose.  But that’s ok, I usually wipe my fingers on my shirt before I put them in my mouth.

-I don’t like to have sex (when I used to have it) or jerk off while Gary Oldman II is in the same room with me.

-When I’m alone and reading, I like to read aloud in an Italian or a Romanian accent.  Sometimes if it’s slow at work and no one’s in the store, I’ll do it then too, until someone comes in.

And I guess that’s it, so until next time, adieu.

My theme song for this journal entry is “The Impossible Dream” by Christopher Lee, of course.

*******

previous Grimm 214: Super Attractive Grimm’s Commentary and Philosophy of Introspection http://wp.me/p41c99-14V

next Grimm 216: Bogart and Ashley http://wp.me/p41c99-15P

 

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

This journal entry features Hasty from https://hastywords.wordpress.com/

 

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 211-235 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

The Birthday Tale of Gary Oldman’s Amazing Journey

Today is Gary Oldman’s birthday.  He turns 56 today.  Happy Birthday Lord Gary Oldman.

My name is Wall Grimm and I wrote a birthday tale for Gary Oldman, which is a congruent yet oxymoronically disconnected conundrum describing why I dubbed him a Lord, even though the tale addresses that in no way whatsoever.

WALL GRIMM’S BIRTHDAY TALE OF GARY OLDMAN’S AMAZING JOURNEY

Once upon a time there was a man named Gary who was kind of a punk, but he decided to take up the piano in order to clean himself up.  However, his own playing made him start to go deaf, so he left the concert hall to go to a magical school.  But he got in trouble and was sent to prison.  He eventually escaped from Alcatraz.  Make that Azkaban.  Disguising himself as a little person, he became involved in the world of street art and the avant garde, but David Bowie was too bizarre, even though later they would make a video together.  His next career choice was that of a playwright, but Alfred Molina was insane.  Molina had recently hunted down imposters on a cruise after his performance of Hamlet.  This impressed Gary, so he went back to Hogwarts to find David Tennant so he could get a time machine.  Since Gary was temporarily a police commissioner, he was able to use the police box, then he went back in time to hang out in Denmark with Pumpkin, who was yet to find his Honey Bunny.

Gary and Pumpkin were set to be hung so Gary moved on in search of another time machine.  The Player only had a boat, but he needed a bigger one, so he was able to set him up with a flying saucer which only brought him back to his punk days with Nancy.  Gary hadn’t realized at the time that Nancy was having an affair with Louis De Palma who happened to be the twin brother of the Terminator.  Gary wanted nothing to do with the Terminator even though he was also capable of time travel.  Instead he approached Reverend Jim who gave him a ride in his Delorean.  This was a better option than anything else McMurphy could provide, despite his offer to put Gary up in a hotel.  Jim took him once again to Hogwarts where Cedric Diggory turned him into a vampire.  He remained there briefly while becoming comrades with a werewolf who would in the near future get naked, hang out on an island of mutants with the Godfather, have sex with Leonardo DiCaprio, and meet Brad Pitt in Tibet.  This was before Brad met his wife who was in the psych ward with Mina Murray, who would eventual become Gary’s lover.  Mina was kind of a strange girl who hung out with ghosts and at one time was in love with a barber who was good at pet grooming, hedge trimming, and making meat pies.

Before leaving Hogwarts, he befriended Gilderoy Lockhart who knew this guy named Marcellus.  Marcellus was a cross dresser who hung out with a show girl.  The show girl was wooed by Van Helsing.  This was not the same Van Helsing Gary knew during his excellent adventure with Neo.  Yet Gary recognized Monica Bellucci from both worlds.  Gary was more familiar with Hannibal Lecter, who would eventually convince Gary to cut his face off.  Discouraged and disfigured, Gary assassinated John F. Kennedy and condemned Jesus Christ to crucifixion.

Gary was so remorseful, he got plastic surgery and dreadlocks.  He met Christian Slater who also knew Mina and Brad Pitt.  Involvement with them became tedious, so soon after, Gary decided to opt out of that existence in order to establish a more positive lifestyle.  But then he began stalking and trying to kill a 12 year old girl, who would one day be the mother of Princess Leia after a stint as a psychotic ballerina.  Gary regretted these actions, became small again and called himself Tim.  Fortunately an animated Jim Carey was able to save his life by not being such a greedy curmudgeon.

Frustrated with his failed attempts at soul searching, Gary, in the end, chose to live out the rest of his life as Elvis…

…until one day, he slipped through a veil and the world no longer had anything to do with him.  Along his journey to find his own realm, he momentarily found it when he ended up in a city with a robotic cop.  There, Gary approached a Bad Mother Fucker, who also knew Pumpkin.  BMF introduced Gary to Obi, and this is where he once again was diverted from his own path.  All thanks to Obi.  Obi was an effeminate rocker drug addict in a kilt on a motorcycle.  Obi took Gary to an Island where he met a girl with a pearl earring who liked zoo animals and Bill Murray, no relation to Mina.  On the Island, Gary also met a chameleon who abducted a car salesman’s wife, only to later be cremated by the Dude.  The most significant person he met was a hitchhiker who was part of the fellowship.  He introduced Gary to an illiterate taxi driver who was really good at driving in the opposite direction on a European freeway.  This ex-mafia don turned boxer brought him to Vietnam to meet a prisoner of war who later became a high end underground lord held captive by Eliot.  Eliot had a sister who’s real father went into a psychological chamber and turned into a monkey.  This caused nostalgia for Gary, remembering his days when he socialized with talking apes.  Gary’s memories transported him back through to his personal realm.

The monkey man referred to Gary as Doctor while they travelled around in space together for quite some time, getting lost on occasion.  Gary was glad to have returned to his own veil of existence, but he became weary of travel.  So he decided to return to his own time, quit drinking, and settle down as a family man.  And he lived happily every after.

103985-gary-oldman-as-shen[1]

Oh, and he likes bow ties.  Bow ties are cool.

The End

Happy Birthday Gary Oldman!

 

 

Categories: RANDOM GRIMM-NESS | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 166: The Actors, the Disney Princess, the Egyptian God, & Uncle Dan

March 3, 2014

BLUES MONDAY

Today I want to talk about five people specifically:  Bogart, Snow White, my Character Amon-Re, Gary Oldman, and Uncle Dan.

BOGART:  I went to see Bogart on Saturday and he hasn’t changed much apart from being less manic, which I guess is the point of the electroconvulsive therapy.  Still no idea when he’s getting out, and though I’d like to see him and I originally wanted him to move in with me, I’m not sure if that’s even possible.  I take him as the kind of person who can’t be left alone to his own devices.  This guy would get in trouble.  And he has no qualms about sexually assaulting people, or being randomly violent or aggressive.  When I first got there I didn’t see him, he wasn’t in the common room yet, but he came up behind me and grabbed my balls and squeezed, which was agonizing and I had to repeatedly ask him to let go, through the pain and trying not to beg or be at his mercy.  Normally, I’d have punched him in the fucking face for that, but with Bogart, I’m trying not to encourage violence, since it’s too much of a game to him.  When we were eventually sitting down and talking, a girl walked by and he just grabbed her, pulled her on his lap, and started groping her all over.  He even tried to put his hands down her pants.  She was struggling so I stood up and freed her from him.  She was upset and he was just laughing.  He finds amusement in everything inappropriate.  It’s like he doesn’t have the area in his brain that allows him to understand right and wrong or to acknowledge when he hurts someone.  Everything’s a big joke.  So I freed this girl and she wrapped her arms around me, starting kissing my neck and telling me she loves me.  Bogart was telling me I should fuck her.  He’s so clueless at times.  Anyway, it was impossible to get rid of her so the visit was cut short.  I’m not sure if I can have Bogart living with me while I’m going to school, working, or living with Howard.  I’ll have to rethink this.  He’ll probably sexually assault all my girl friends.  A couple of them though, I don’t think they’d mind since he has that cockney accent and I’ll admit he’s an attractive guy.  Also, he is pretty funny most of the time.  But still.  I was in a different place when I was there with him, I’m in a new phase of life now.

SNOW WHITE:  Speaking of sex, I heard from Snow White.  It’s been a long time.  She said she’s coming up to Boston this Summer and wants to get together.  That’d be great, she’s sweet.  But I had vowed to myself not to fuck her, since she is so sweet and virginesque, she’s a really nice girl.  It’s a challenge being around girls when there’s no chance to fuck them.  There are the girls, like Snow White, that you decide you shouldn’t fuck for moralistic reasons, and then the entire time you’re with them, your mind is saying, “fuck her, just fuck her, fuck her, you know you want to fuck her, just do it, fuck her, fuck her now”.  Then there are the girls who made it clear they don’t want to, and your mind says, “try to fuck her, change her mind, you need to fuck her, you have to try, try and fuck her”.  Then there are the girls that you shouldn’t even think of in that way like your friend’s girlfriends, your girlfriend’s friends, other guy’s wives, and your mind says, “you can fuck her, go on and do it, nobody needs to know, just fuck her”.  Then there are lesbians, and your mind just says more of the same shit.  Lastly, there are the girls you don’t even want to fuck because they kind of turn you off, but your mind tells you to “fuck her anyway”.  Well, I guess it isn’t the mind, it’s the second mind that resides in the crotch.  Anyway, she’ll come up to visit and this is what will be going on internally for me.  Sorry, but it’s true.  That’s just the way it is.  And on top of all that, you have to pay attention to what the girls are saying and pretend like this shit isn’t going on inside.  Should it be taken as an insult or a compliment?  Well, best to take it as a compliment and leave it at that.  It’s not that profound of a thing and doesn’t need further analysis.

AMON-RE:  I’m liking my novel so far.  It’s kind of therapeutic.  He’s kind of a more fucked up version of me.  So, it makes me feel better about myself that I’m not that fucked up, and it also makes me feel proud to be creating this whole world.  What’s interesting is that he is with me everywhere.  My mind is circulating with events and experiences that he could have and I’ve imagined things that happened in his past that I haven’t written yet.  It’s like he’s a real person.  It’s pretty intense.  I don’t even know how I’m going to end his story yet, but I’m liking the process so much, maybe I’ll just keep writing until it ends itself.  I guess it needs an end though.

GARY OLDMAN:  I haven’t done a Gary Oldmanism in a long time, or mentioned him in a while, so this is just gratuitous.  Hi Gary Oldman.  Hey man, how’s it going?

UNCLE DAN:  Uncle Dan is my mother’s brother.  His name is Dangelo, but he’s called Dan.  Now, being Italian, you get the whole greaseball insult thing and kind of blow it off.  But Uncle Dan is definitely a big smelly greaseball.  He’s always sweaty and he always looks greasy.  I don’t see him anymore much.  He comes and goes, doesn’t live around here.  Though he used to live around here when I was a kid and I saw him a lot.  I don’t know why I even put him on my list or felt like talking about him.  I guess there’s shit I want to say, but I don’t want to even say it here in my journal even though no one will read this.  Maybe I just don’t want the words out in the world.  Maybe I don’t want them made concrete.  Maybe I don’t want to formulate the thoughts in my head and create the words and then see them on the paper.  Yeah, maybe Uncle Dan is a subject for another time.

Anyway, I’m done with Winter.  I haven’t done much of the outdoor stuff that I usually like to do.  Skiing, hiking, snowball fights, building snowmen and snow forts.  I always liked to be like a kid in the Winter and play in the snow.  I’ve waterproofed my Stepping Wolves, but it’s too easy to slip on the ice with them, and most days are too windy for my Eastwood.  One thing I’ve always wanted to try was snowshoeing however, which I have done this Winter, since Howard has snow shoes.  It’s pretty awesome.  But otherwise it even sucks to go running since there aren’t enough sidewalks and there’s ice everywhere.  I’m not complaining though, I’m just looking forward to Spring.  So is Gary Oldman  (II).  She’s not liking the idea of going out into the cold anymore.  She gets this expression in her eyes like, “you’re fucking kidding me.”  I give her a look back that says, “tell me about it.”  We communicate telepathically like that.

My theme song for today is “Bitter Sweet Symphony” by The Verve, because that’s kind of the mood I’m in.  Also, it reminds me of Amon-Re and if my novel is ever made into a movie, I want that song in the sound track.

*******

previous Grimm 165: Gender, Psychicisms, & Grimm Morrison the Lizard King http://wp.me/p41c99-Bi

next Grimm 167:  Mixed Emotions and Undefined Philosophies http://wp.me/p41c99-Ew

For a chronological list of links to all the journal entries, refer to the Journal Entries Index Page http://wp.me/P41c99-J

For posts that aren’t journal entries, feel free to explore the Categories in the left side bar or the other pages above, including the Character Directories which list the posts each character is mentioned in.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 156-170 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Emma’s Love Song & Other Blog Stuff

This is an update regarding:

EMMA’S LOVE SONG

BLOG SCHEDULE

JOURNAL POSTS

PAGES

EMMA’S LOVE SONG Some of you may have read my post “In Need of a Singer/Songwriter for Wall Grimm’s Love Song to Emma”.  In that post, I state the deadline for submission to be March 15, 2014.  However, though I did receive responses in the beginning, it has been about 2 weeks since anyone else has expressed interest.  I’m choosing not to reblog or pursue it because I found someone I believe can capture the essence and mood I’m looking for.  Thanks to everyone who emailed me!  There’s a lot of talent out there, you’re proof of that.

I have selected Kev at http://kevs-domain.net/  I will write the lyrics, then send them off to Kev and he will write the music, then perform the piece.  His performance will be a sound recording and/or video (whatever he chooses) which I will include in the post when Grimm performs the song for Emma.  I’m looking forward to this, so thank you Kev for being involved and bringing Wall Grimm to life that much more.

BLOG SCHEDULE Currently my blog schedule consists of daily posts in this cycle:  “The Journal of Wall Grimm“, Amon-Re (which is the novel that Wall Grimm is writing), and a poem.  I’ve been reblogging Grimm and Amon-Re on my Sage Doyle blog, and I’ll continue to do that for a while.  I’ll give a heads up if I plan to stop reblogging.  I never reblog my poems here.  Anyway, I like this schedule, but I just want to throw something in the mix.

One day per week, any random day, I will plan to do something different.  Some possibilities are: updates like this post, some posts for my RANDOM GRIMMNESS category, fellow writer promos, reblogs, etc. etc.  Or, I may take one day to not post at all in order to work on writing projects that don’t pertain to the blogs, such as querying agents, preparing submission packets, or eventually beginning a new novel.

After the one day of something different or nothing at all, the cycle will just resume where I left off.  I’ve kind of been doing this, but now I’m making it official, especially now that I realize I do need a day to devote to my writing apart from the blogs.

JOURNAL POSTS I often have people express to me that they need to “catch up” with Grimm.  But I know how little time we all have as artists.  So I just want everyone to know that, rather than having to go back and read older posts, and this includes Amon-Re, if at any point you have questions about plot, situations, references, or characters, just ask whatever you want, and I’ll fill you in, no problem.  I can even refer you to posts if you want.  This is especially true for some new followers who maybe don’t want to go back to the beginning.  This offer will always be in place.

PAGES I just want to mention some of my blog pages.  On my Sage Doyle blog, I created a POETRY page where all my poems are archived and categorized, in order to simplify the process for anyone who might want to go back to older poems.  On my Wall Grimm Blog, there is a page devoted to AMON-RE, with a little history behind the novel, and links to each post.  The CHARACTER pages list the characters by name, and links each post the characters are mentioned in.  Those pages are broken down alphabetically by character name.  There is the JOURNAL ENTRIES INDEX page which lists the titles and links of each journal entry.  There are also pages devoted to EMMA, WALL GRIMM, GRIMM’S EASTWOOD & STEPPING WOLVES, and GARY OLDMAN.  If you don’t understand the Gary Oldman thing, maybe you should check out that page.  I will occasionally add to and update those pages.  Lastly, there’s the DIALOGUE WITH GRIMM page, if you want to talk to “Grimm” (aka me as Grimm) personally.  A couple people have done it and it’s kind of challenging and sometimes awkward to stay in character, but very interesting at least for me.  The Wall Grimm on that page is kind of hovering somewhere in cyberspace and doesn’t know people are reading his journal on a blog.

That’s all for now.  If at any time you have questions or concerns that you don’t want to address here, you are free to email me sagedoyle@yahoo.com

Thanks so much for your readership!

Peace,

Sage

 

…damn self promotion, sorry:

@sagedoyle

https://www.facebook.com/sage.doyle

author page: https://www.facebook.com/1sagedoyle

Categories: NOTES FROM SAGE DOYLE | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 158: Instincts, Sex, An Oldmanism, and Grimm’s First Ever Steve Martinism

January 29, 2014

Bogart’s mother called me.  She got my number from the institution since I had given it to staff to put with his personal stuff that’s locked up.  She wanted to know who I was and why I wanted anything to do with her son.  I told her we had met in the institution and became friends and that I was hoping I could help him out whenever he’s released.  She said that Bogart, or Neil as she calls him, doesn’t have any friends and when he does, they don’t last long, and what makes me think I could help him, and why would she want him hanging around another “mental.”  I replied that I’m kind of a loyal friend, through thick and thin unless someone fucks me over, and that just being his friend could help him, and that I’m not a mental, I put myself there because I was depressed that my baby died.

Then I asked if he was getting out soon.  She said she didn’t know, but anytime soon would be too soon. She asked if he ever told me about the most recent event in his life that put him in there, because he’s too insane for prison.  I told her no.  Basically he doesn’t seem to be very clear about it himself.  He thinks he might have committed a crime but he’s uncertain and confused and offered me no details.  Her response was, of course, that’s because he’s insane and delusional, and that when he’s expected to get out, she’d call and tell me what he did, and then I can decide if I still want to help him.  I asked why she couldn’t tell me now, but she refused and only said that he’s dangerous, and I wouldn’t be able to control him unless I was with him for 24 hours per day.

We ended the conversation, and though I felt she was very negative about her own son, I had to assume that she knew what she was talking about.  Instinctively I had a strange sense that controlling him meant protecting other people from him.  I mean, if he punches me in the face and slams me against the wall by my throat because I’m his favorite person in the world, as he says…well, that doesn’t seem safe for the people he likes less than me, or those who piss him off.  I’ve seen him attack the people who piss him off, and either I or staff had to break it up, otherwise he wouldn’t have stopped until the people he attacked were just mounds of blood and bone.

But anyway, onto other things.  On Sunday I went for coffee with Iona and went back to her place and we fucked all night and I ended up staying over.  When I got back home on Monday morning, shortly before I was supposed to leave with Howard for Blues Monday, he was wicked pissed at me.  He was saying shit like he didn’t know where I was or when I was coming home and he and Daisy were worried when they didn’t hear from me and when I never returned.  I was like wtf Howard, really?  I explained that I kinda come and go and wander randomly.  I’m going to school and work and I have a social life and I get laid, I need sex, a lot of sex, especially since that medication has been completely out of my system, and I’m not going to bring a girl back to his house and fuck under his roof, that’s just awkward.  Basically he knows I’m prone to trouble, so he even worried about me before I was living with him.  But I assured him I’m not drinking and drugging or anything bad.  Damn, might as well have moved in with my freakin’ parents.  Though I guess it’s nice to know he cares.

Last thing I feel like commenting on that’s been going on recently is my abilities.  I got a lot of exercise with them in the institution, being able to block and filter, but not a lot of practice with opening them up, which I’ve begun to work on once again.  At least I think I can read Gary Oldman (II)’s mind and she can read mine.  But if I look her in the eye too long, she’ll pounce on my face.  She’s good though, she doesn’t use her claws.

And now that I’m on it, here’s a Lord Gary Oldmanism.

WALL GRIMM’S SECOND JANUARY LORD GARY OLDMANISM

According to the internet, which is like a modern day Confucius to a shitload of idiots, sometimes including myself, Lord Gary Oldman said:

“I was quiet, a loner. I was one of those children where, if you put me in a room and gave me some crayons and pencils, you wouldn’t hear from me for nine straight hours. And I was always drawing racing cars and rockets and spaceships and planes, things that were very fast that would take me away.”

And I don’t really have much to say about that except it kind of reminds me of me as a kid.  And I’m still kind of the same way, except with a journal now, and my harmonica, and Gary Oldman (II).  And that’s all I need.  Ok now I have to include a Steve Martinism.

WALL GRIMM’S FIRST EVER STEVE MARTINISM

From the film “The Jerk”:

“I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray… And this paddle game.  The ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need… And this remote control.  The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need… And these matches.  The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control, and the paddle ball… And this lamp.  The ashtray, this paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp, and that’s all I need.  And that’s all I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one… I need this….”

I love that fucking film.  And my dick is sometimes my special purpose too.  Now obviously, the theme song for today’s journal entry has to be “The Thermos Song” by Steve Martin, from “The Jerk”.

*******

previous Grimm 157: Bogart the Shelter Dog and Ernie & Burt http://wp.me/p41c99-vv

next Grimm 159: Wall Grimm’s List of Identities http://wp.me/p41c99-x0

For a chronological list of links to all the journal entries, refer to the Journal Entries Index Page http://wp.me/P41c99-J

For posts that aren’t journal entries, feel free to explore the Categories in the left side bar or the other pages above, including the Character Directories which list the posts each character is mentioned in.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 156-170 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 133: Reservation Birth, The Blues Feel, Gary Oldmanisms, & Lord Gary Oldman

November 4, 2103

I haven’t been writing so much because I try to spend as much time with the baby as possible.  Once DCF is out of the picture, I have no doubt that Sweetheart will take off on me.  One thing I forgot to write is that Sweetheart and I had to get tested to see if we were the biological parents of Valentina.  The reason we had to do this is because Sweetheart gave birth on a reservation.  There was no hospital involved so Valentina has neither a birth certificate nor a social security number.  There’s no evidence of her existence or that we’re the parents.  We have to prove it otherwise the baby will be taken from us since there would be no way to avoid the speculation of abduction, though I know Sweetheart isn’t like that.  She’s a freak, but not nuts.  We haven’t gotten the results yet.

I’m going to Blues Monday today since Edie wasn’t there last week.  That was just awkward getting caught by Howard as I was trying to kiss his granddaughter.  The worse part was that she was shocked and rejected me.  I mean she was flirting with me wicked bad, wtf was I supposed to think?  She was all but grabbing at my balls.  I hate that.  Girls give you all the signals like they want to fuck you, then you make a move and they’re horrified.  It rarely happens to me, and honestly I think if we hadn’t been with her grandfather, she’d probably have kissed me.  Anyway, I hope she doesn’t come back.  She ruins the blues feel, distracts me from really feeling it.  Sex distracts me.  That’s just the way it is.

Ok so now I’m going to write about shit other than the day to day.  I think I’ll talk about Gary Oldman.

When you see Gary Oldman these days, this is pretty much what he looks like:

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He looks so happy.  And that’s good.  This guy deserves to be happy.  I say that because he’s fucking awesome.  People ask me why I named my cat Gary Oldman, and I say because Gary Oldman is fucking awesome.  In polite company, I say because Gary Oldman is awesome.  He’s a top notch guy, there doesn’t need to be an explanation.

Honestly, I don’t know much about him or his personal life.  I can just tell.  And even though he’s huge, I still think he’s both underrated and underutilized.  He’s had a career that didn’t lay him out with a series of typecasts, there is that.  His roles have been diverse.  But still.  I think he needs even more recognition.  He needs to be Sir Gary Oldman.  Or Lord Gary Oldman.  Yeah, Lord Gary Oldman.  That’s what I’m going to call him from now on.

Ok, so here’s my Gary Oldmanism:

WALL GRIMM’S LORD GARY OLDMANISM

This is a quote I pulled from IMDB so who knows how legit it is, but I fucking love it:

“I had this idea of myself as a shy, kind, sweet chap. I was working with Winona Ryder and she turned to me and said, ‘Fuck, man, you’re really intense!’ I was so shocked, I went, ‘What do you mean? I’m not intense, I’m sweet!’ My passion and energy get mistaken for anger.”

I’ll explain in a minute why I like this quote, but first I have to say that obviously this is from “Dracula.”  I watched the movie again recently and the first thing I want to say is that Lord Gary Oldman is such a good actor that even his shadow can act.  He really looks the part of the time, and when he’s wearing those colored shades, he’s like the John Lennon of Vampires.  And Keanu Reeves, that guy is stupid.  Or his character is.  As he’s shaving and Lord Gary Oldman just levitates into the room like someone pushed him on a freakin’ skateboard, in a graceful kind of way, then he gets all freaked out when Keanu Reeves cuts himself shaving and the mirror smashes.  Then he levitates out and the door closes by itself.  Then Keanu sees him crawling around like fucking Spiderman.  Why doesn’t Keanu just get the fuck out of there at that point?  Well, maybe he plans to in the morning, but then the orgy vampires lead by the one and only Monica Bellucci, my personal Italian goddess, come along and yeah, I think I’d stay, even though they eat a baby after.  Whatever.  The movie had a campy kind of 70′s feel which made some of the really bad acting seem intentional, though it probably wasn’t.  Of course, Lord Gary Oldman was not in that realm of bad acting.  He’s the element that made the movie.  And the visuals were amazing.  But what the fuck am I doing, writing a review?

Grimm shuts up.

Ok why do I like that quote…

I like that quote because I kind of feel the same way.  I’m quiet and people think I’m so intense and I’ve been told I make people nervous.  But I’m quiet because I’m kind of shy, though I’m a friendly, polite kind of shy.  Until you piss me off.  I don’t know if I’m sweet, maybe, who knows.  And maybe I’m more private than shy.  I just don’t like to talk about myself.

Anyway, then he said this about being an alcoholic:

LORD GARY OLDMANISM:

“I did a lot of stupid things. When you’re drunk, you think you can pull any bird in the room and they’ll just love the idea of it. You also think you can say anything you like to anybody without them taking offense. Actually, you need the sauce to fill whatever hole that’s there in yourself.”

And yeah, I relate to that for obvious reasons.  But it’s weird because I never put much of it into words before.  This makes so much sense, and it’s simple, but so perfectly articulated, that it’s really profound and reaches me more than anything I heard in detox.

Thank you Lord Gary Oldman, you’re the chap.

*******

previous Grimm 132: The Cops, Grimm the Cop, & Xena the Warrior Princess http://wp.me/p41c99-kE

next Grimm 134: A Very Special Grimm http://wp.me/p41c99-kO

LORD GARY OLDMAN:

For a chronological list of links to all the journal entries, refer to the Journal Entries Index Page http://wp.me/P41c99-J

For posts that aren’t journal entries, feel free to explore the Categories in the left side bar or the other pages above, including the Character Directories which list the posts each character is mentioned in.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 116-140 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 115: Wall Grimm’s Priority Shit & Aromatherashit

September 16, 2013

Ok I’m going to recap on my priorities.  My name is Wall Grimm and this is a self check in on getting my shit together.

WALL GRIMM’S PRIORITY SHIT

1.  I need to square things with Paula, and make a choice that reflects what’s best for both of us:

Well, we’re done, I moved out and I’m living with Pete.  Though Paula calls and texts me often.  She wants me back, but I’m kind of with Iona, but we’re not in a committed relationship.  So I guess this priority is taken care of.

2.  Work more and be responsible for Sharly:

Done.  This week I begin my 12-8 shift, M-F.  And she’s leaving me alone in the store again as well as giving me more responsibility.  She says she may have me train for some managerial work, which says a lot.

3.  Look for a career, not just a job:

I have almost two years of college done, but I’ve begun to look into programs so I can at least work towards my B.A.  I’d have to start next semester.  I also have to consider whether or not I want to go full time or part time, and what my major would be.  I’m thinking psychology or writing.

4.  Quit smoking:

Still down to 5, more if I have the urge to drink.  Smoking at this time is keeping me in line.  This is a longer term goal.

5.  Start working out again:

Running 3-5 miles in the mornings before work and on the weekends.  Still doing 300 sit ups and 100 push ups, give or take.  Maybe I’ll increase if I have the time.

6.  Get a regular sleep schedule:

This one I’m doing because I find myself going to bed earlier most nights in order to avoid the temptation of going out and drinking and drugging.

7.  Take good care of Gary Oldman:

Definitely doing this, especially now that she’s my Emotional Support Service Animal.  I just don’t take her anywhere that might not be the best environment for her, like the bar the other night.  Though I don’t do so much bad shit these days, so she is with me 99% of the time.

8.  Start referring to Gary Oldman in my journal as Gary Oldman II or just Oldman so I don’t get confused, even though it makes me laugh to write Gary Oldman in certain sentences such as “Gary Oldman likes to bite.” :

Knocking this one of my list, because I don’t really give a shit anymore.

9.  Read more:

Ok what the fuck, this is a hard one.  I haven’t gotten very far with Steppenwolf because of my brain issues from the Gangsta.  But even before that, I was so fucked up all the time, I didn’t read much.  I haven’t read a book in about a year and that just sucks.  I like reading.  I guess I’ll have to set the time aside to do it.

10.  I suppose I’m expected to make ammends to people I’ve wronged, based on the 12 step programs I was involved in, but I haven’t been really doing any of that.  And yeah, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I should go to AA or something so I’ll put that on the list:

Go to AA meetings:

Um, oops.

Ok so that’s where I’m at.  I guess there are two priorities there that I can take off my list.  That’s my shit.  Speaking of shit, I love when I eat papaya because later when I take a shit it smells like papaya.  Last night I had a papaya shit.  It is now what I refer to as aromatherashit.  I was like, “hey Pete come here and smell this.”  He didn’t know what I was talking about, so he came to the bathroom.  He was like, “wtf you’re asking me to smell your shit??”  I said no it smells like papaya.  He said, “no it smells like shit.”  But yeah, I was pretty impressed with it, so whatever.

So I had this great shit, felt like I dumped about five pounds of it into the toilet, then I went to bed.  And when I hit the bed I was like ohhhhh yeahhhh because sometimes your body just feels so awesome once you hit the sheets.  Mine felt extra good because of the emptiness from my aromatherashit.  I love that feeling.

I guess that’s it.  I think the last thing is that I am going to try to make one last effort with Emma.  But I’m going to wait until I’m enrolled in school.  I don’t know when she will finish school, but she wants to move to Spain or Italy.  I would go anywhere with her, if she’d have me.

*******

previous Grimm 114: Special Agent Hasty McPudding and the Microchip http://wp.me/p41c99-ja

next Grimm 116: The Temptress http://wp.me/p41c99-je

For a chronological list of links to all the journal entries, refer to the Journal Entries Index Page http://wp.me/P41c99-J

For posts that aren’t journal entries, feel free to explore the Categories in the left side bar or the other pages above, including the Character Directories which list the posts each character is mentioned in.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 94-115 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 112: Gary Oldman (II)’s Important Job

September 9, 2013

Every now and then I go somewhere and they won’t let me bring Gary Oldman (II) in, which pisses me off, but I understand.  So on Friday, my mother registered her as an Emotional Support Service Animal for me because I told my mom that Oldman helps to keep me out of bars.  She also helps to keep me responsible, because I have to prioritize her and make choices based on what’s best for her environment.  This is especially true if she comes with me every where.  I didn’t take her to the Zombie Picnic though because I thought it’d be too scary for her.  I did take her for ice cream, so she went viral with me.  The Kilted Cowboy with a Kitten on his shoulder.

Anyway, Oldman is going to be getting a tiny service animal vest which is awesome.  I don’t think I’ll have her wear it unless I’m going somewhere that wouldn’t otherwise allow her in.  I might carry it with me sometimes if the day is unplanned.  She is already wearing a leash but the vest is more material and she might not like it.  She’ll also have an ID card in case she refuses to wear the vest.

One thing my mother needed was a note from my psychiatrist that I haven’t seen in a long, long, long time.  He was just someone I saw rarely but I saw a regular counselor but I don’t anymore.  I have to be diagnosed with a significant mental illness in order to qualify so he needed to talk to me, since it’s been a long time.  He squeezed me in for an appointment on Friday, which is rare in the psychiatric world, but my mother has amazing persuasive powers.  I kind of take after her in that way.

So yeah I went in there and decided to talk more than I ever have before to any professional.  My objective was to be able to get Gary Oldman (II) to be with me whenever, and wherever.  This means that even when I’m in an establishment, she can be walking around on her leash, and not always have to be on my shoulder.  I put her up there to keep her safe though, and also because she does like it.  And yeah so after talking with me, the psychiatrist diagnoses me with PTSD.

When we were leaving the office, my mother was like “PTSD?  What do you have PTSD from?”  I said “nevermind.”  But she stopped walking and I kept walking, so she said “Grimm, stop.”  I did and she approached and said, “What happened?  What happened to give you PTSD?”  I told her I had already talked about it once today and I didn’t want to talk about it anymore, then I walked away towards the exit of the building.  When I turned back she was wiping away tears and fighting back more.  And she wonders why I tell her nothing, even from when I was a kid, I never told her anything.  Why would I want to hurt my mother and make her cry?  That’s what would happen if I told her half the shit I should be saying.  But it ain’t happening, no way.

I had to turn back and hug her and say, “It’s ok mom, I’m ok.”  And she apologized for not being a good enough mother to keep me emotionally healthy.  I told her I’m my own person, she’s not responsible for bad choices I make.  Then she said that she was sure I didn’t choose to be a victim.  “Mom, why would you say that?  What makes you think I was a victim?”

She replied, “I feel it.”

And I know what she’s talking about because I feel things too, we’ve got the Romani blood, and we have special abilities, which I think is a part of my problem sometimes.  I constantly need to block other people’s energies from breaking in my spiritual shield and affecting me negatively.  It’s weird but yeah, very valid.  She has that too.  However, I said, “I’m no fucking victim, I can tell you that much.”

Then Gary Oldman (II) as she was sitting on my shoulder gave me this look like she was so confused by my mood shift.  And she has these funny little eyes that don’t always line up so she looks confused half the time.  So I laughed because she’s fucking cute as hell.  My mother laughed when I did and said, “see that, she does emotionally help you.”

“Well no shit mom that’s why we’re doing this right? ….sorry.”  I hate when I talk to her like that, but sometimes she doesn’t make any sense.  My mother’s a strong woman, so telling her shit wouldn’t break her.  But she’s this intense, passionate Sicilian, so it’s just kind of overboard, with the “Oh my God, my God” and “Mama mia” and the arms flailing.  When my mom’s upset it’s like being in an opera.  And she’s an awesome mom, but I just don’t want to make her cry, that’s all it comes down to.  Even when I was a little kid, there were things I just couldn’t tell her because I didn’t want to make her cry.  And now I have Gary Oldman (II), my Emotional Support Service Kitten.

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Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 94-115 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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