For easier access to individual posts, you can refer to the Journal Entries Index Page where the posts are numbered/titled chronologically with the links to each post.

“The Absconded Journal of Wall Grimm as Told by Hasty” 210: Grade School Cooties and Face Lickers

I like to be silly and have fun.  I don’t much care what other people think about me or the things I do because I really try to do all things with a kind heart.  I feel like this is why Grimm and I get each other because he has a very kind heart.  Sometimes silly likes to masquerade as crazy and if you didn’t know a person is just silly you might think  they are crazy.  Or maybe that’s just me trying to rationalize why so many say I am crazy.

My point is, I think, that many times silly gets misinterpreted.  I’ve had a lot of people think I’m crazy so I’m not going to jump to any conclusions with Bogart.  Grimm told me about Bogart but I guess I’m more inclined to treat him as silly more than crazy.  Ok, I am rambling so I will get back to yesterday when I met Bogart for the first time.


After what seemed like a whole minute of Bogart bending over with his butt in my face eyeing me over his shoulder, he jumped up to face me like a sumo wrestler ready to wrangle. “oi! bwahahahahahaaaaa you’re a cheeky one!”  Then another minute passed while I stood there with a bemused smile on my face as he pondered who I was. He had that look like it was mating season,“ ‘o might you be then?”  I assumed the same sumo stance he had and responded in a high pitched voice, “I’m a squirrel and I came to fight you for your nuts!”

Just then, out of my periphery, I saw Grimm walk around the edge of the house where he froze seeing us in our Gorilla stances. “Hasty?” I didn’t divert my eyes from Bogart and maintained my stance, “Oh hey Grimm, I was just introducing myself to Bogart.” At this point Bogart and I were in a staring contest and neither one of us was going to blink first. “ ‘oi constable, is she for me?” he said without moving, “ cause I think this un ‘ere is crazy.” Grimm was still watching as he started to sing, “People are strange when you’re a stranger…” and when he realized neither of us knew he was singing the doors he replied, “No, she isn’t yours but you might be hers from the looks of it.”

Just then I laughed and charged Bogart as he took off running like we were playing a game of grade school cooties. I strolled closer to Grimm “Nice green kilt! Hope you’re wearing underwear this time ’cause tag you’re it” As Grimm started running after me, Pete had just innocently came out of the house so he got tagged instead of me. Pete stood there a moment taking us all in.  Bogart was at the far corner of the yard in his skivvy’s, Grimm was still running in my direction to hide behind a big tree, and I was on the ground laughing uncontrollably.   Then, without any facial indication he knew what we were doing, he strolled into the yard a few feet before he started chasing Bogart with a big goofy smile on his face.  Pete was kind of slow so Bogart was teasing him with a “come on and show me what ya got” dance as he ran backwards.

Bogart is pretty agile. He was jumping back and forth and ducking and dodging like a boxer.  I like boxers.  I slowly made my way to stand next to Grimm when I nearly tripped over my own two feet watching Bogart.  I made a mental note to be careful as I noticed I was also drooling.  Grimm seemed to notice, “Oh no Hasty, don’t you dare!” he said, “I have a hard enough time calming him down without you riling him up.” I smiled so big I could feel air on my gums.  Grimm always made me happy, he just had a way about him.  “I’ve missed you” I said and we were hugging when Bogart and Pete leaped around the tree and surprised us.

“Hasty!  I didn’t know you were coming.  I am so happy to see you.” I turned to give Pete a hug and noticed that Bogart was watching so I licked Pete’s face. “Yumm… you are still as tasty as you were last time I saw you!”   He laughed and licked my cheek back and said, “You are tastier!” and we both broke down laughing.

Finally, I stood and faced Bogart again and held out my hand to shake his, “Hi!  I’m Hasty!”


This journal entry was guest written by Hasty at

previous Grimm “The Absconded Journal of Wall Grimm as Told by Hasty” 209: Bogart and His Man Panties Full of Nuts

next Grimm “The Absconded Journal of Wall Grimm as Told by Hasty” 211: Strange Tendencies and Burnt Marshmallows

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to:

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 186-210 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

“The Absconded Journal of Wall Grimm as Told by Hasty” 209: Bogart And His Man Panties Full Of Nuts

Grimm has been so busy with school, mentoring Bogart, and being a good boyfriend to his new girlfriend that he has been struggling to find time to write. Last night he also confessed how much he missed writing in his journal and I knew I wanted to help him out. My name is Hasty and since he doesn’t have time to write I thought I would write a few journal entries for him.

Grimm and I met a year and a half ago at a gay bar. We both had blue hair and we were both flirty but not in a naughty way. He doesn’t realize how much I needed to have a good night that night and how he probably saved my life. Some things are better left in the past but needless to say I love Grimm. He is one of those friends I know will always be in my life.

I love hanging out with Grimm because he makes me feel young and I love the looks we get when we are together. People always assume I snagged myself a hot young boyfriend because we seem so close but this makes us both laugh because other than one quick short kiss the night I met him we have never been inappropriate. He is super attractive and exactly my type but I am married and he is much too young. I love the way we are because it feels so easy to just be us.

I haven’t seen Grimm or his roommate Pete in what seems like forever. Two days ago my husband and daughter left to go on a cruise without me for a week because I couldn’t get off work, so I decided to take a mini vacation to surprise Grimm. I never just show up places unannounced but I felt comfortable enough with them to do it. Since I had never been to their new house and I am terrible at following directions it took me some time to find the right house.

At one point, I pulled off the highway because I was running low on gas. I have never driven so many miles trying to find a gas station before in my life. In fact, I was fairly certain I had just been thrown into an episode of the living dead because there were a bunch of people out just wandering the streets as if they had nowhere special to go. Two of the people I passed were in wheelchairs. One of them was a man with a beard in a wedding dress just wheeling himself down the road and the other was in a blue bath robe at the end of a driveway drinking out of a bottle wrapped in a plastic grocery bag. I also may or may not have seen a few young kids wearing Spongebob footie pajamas carrying Uzis.

I finally stopped at an old mechanic’s shop to ask for directions. If you are picturing this like a horror movie then you understand how fast my heart was beating. The man, who looked like an older and more wrinkly version of Lurch from The Addams Family, seemed nice enough but didn’t speak English.  I determined, by the way his eyes kept darting, that I needed to go right.  My car began to sputter as I asked Siri to locate the closest station. Twelve minutes away was the best she could do. Luckily, I went right and ran into one that Siri didn’t know about.

I finally arrived in front of a nice Victorian house with a very good-looking man standing in the front yard with his back to me wearing only his briefs. I smiled because I had never met Bogart but I definitely had heard a lot about him and THIS was definitely Bogart. He was collecting nuts off the ground and sticking them in his briefs so he didn’t notice me when I pulled up and got out of my car.

“You know you probably don’t need to stuff your man panties full of nuts because the two you have are probably sufficient!” I casually said as he was basically mooning me to get a few more nuts.

He stopped in stooped position and looked back over his shoulder.


This journal entry was guest written by Hasty at

previous Grimm 208: The Drunken Maiden’s Morning After

next Grimm “The Absconded Journal of Wall Grimm as Told by Hasty” 210: Grade School Cooties and Face Lickers

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to:

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 186-210 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 208: The Drunken Maiden’s Morning After

October 2, 2014


I realize I never finished my story about the drunken maiden.  It’s not a big deal or an amazing story, I just want to finish it because it includes an important message I want to convey to myself.  I guess I left off with how I stayed up all night with her while she was puking.  Then we both fell asleep on the bathroom floor.  When I woke I carried her to my room and put her in my bed, then I went to sleep in Pete’s room because he was getting up.  The story continues with the next day.

So Pete had gone off for the day and Cola was in her room/studio painting, sculpting, whatever piece of art she was working on.  It was a Sunday so I had to work later, but once Bogart and I were up, we went out back.  I was hanging out with Astrid while Bogart was jumping on the trampoline.  He can jump for hours.  That’s an exaggeration, but it doesn’t seem like it.  You’d think he’d get tired, but it gets him more energetic.  His medication is supposed to make him sleepy, but it only does briefly after taking it, or sometimes he just crashes.  And then it’s quiet.  And then I remember what quiet sounds like…

Anyway, Megan didn’t remember anything about the night before, so when she met Cola the next morning, Cola explained why I brought her home with me.  When Cola mentioned my name, Cola told me later, Megan said, “Oh my god, I left the bar with someone named Grimm??”

When Cola brought her out back, I stood and shook her hand, since she didn’t remember me and Cola had to introduce us.  Megan said, “Oh thank god you’re Grimm.”

I was perplexed.

She said, “I was worried you might be some kind of slimy creep.”

“I’m not?”


I took that as a compliment. I’m hardly some kind of slimy creep.  That’s good.

At that point, Bogart leaped off the trampoline and came running over, looked at me while pointing at Megan, and said, “‘At’s a girl.”  I imagined if the scene had been filmed you’d see Astrid seated while Cola, Megan and I were standing.  Then off in the distance you see Bogart flipping around on the trampoline, then while he’s up in the air, arms and legs spread out, you’d see those lines like in cartoons coming out of his head or maybe an exclamation point.  Then the camera would focus on us from an angle without Bogart in the back and you’d hear the sound of rapid cartoon running and he’d seemingly appear out of no where. Or you wouldn’t hear the running at all and he’d just suddenly be there saying, “‘At’s a girl.”  Bogart is very much like a cartoon character at times.  I think he sees the world in animation anyway so that makes sense.

We introduced her to Bogart and he said, “Wot’s she doin’ ‘ere?  Is she for me?”

Hmmmm sometimes I wish I could be inside his head.  Just for a day.

Then he had to point out yet again that Cola was “a bloke in a dress.”  And once again we told him “no masterstating.”  “bwahahahahaaahahaa spot on!”

Megan really liked Bogart, to the extent that I was a little annoyed, since I was the one who brought her home, I guess there was that territorial thing going on, even though I didn’t want her.  I was in the wings with Solenne and not in a relationship.  I was free to be with anyone, but focused on Solenne.  That is still our status, by the way.

Megan was feeling pretty sick, so I went to the store to buy her Coke and crackers, getting Astrid butts, wine, toilet paper, and cat food while I was out.  I also bought Astrid a candle that smells like cookies because she burns candles all the time.  She is so happy when you give her a candle.  It’s the simplest way I’ve ever known to make someone that happy.  I like to do that for her.

When I got back from the store, Megan’s interest in Bogart had diminished, but I think that was due to her hangover.  He’s the last person you want to be around when you have a hangover.  He’s loud, he never stops talking, he bounces around you like a dog-sized puppy, and your headache and nausea are aggravated when you strain to understand him through his accent.  He had been pestering her to either jump on the trampoline with him, or go have sex with him, or at least give him a blow job.  He told her that I have a blowjob girlfriend and he wants one too.  Ah, the ironically innocent honesty.

After she ate crackers and drank Coke and took more Tylenol, she showered and freshened up, borrowing some of Cola’s makeup.  Then I took her home on the way to work.  In the car she asked if we could go out together sometime.  And I guess this is why I wanted to tell this story, because I said no.  Typically I’d have said yes, if only to get laid or something.  I take her as an easy fuck.  But I said no because she also seems to be too much in party mode and kinda careless.  I’m done that phase in my life and I don’t want it back even if it’s someone else’s world.  And I don’t want to have to take care of her.  I want someone who can take care of themselves.  I like taking care of people, that’s not the issue, it’s just I guess I need someone who is kind of where I’m at in life, the phase I’m going through now.  I don’t want to step backwards.  Also, I struggle with my own ability to be responsible, and I often rebel against people, situations, and myself.  This means that if I am forced into responsibility by external things, like other people, and it’s not my own choosing or at my own pace, it could set me back.  I’m using psychology on myself.  Saying no to her was the result of self preservation, even if it was based on my superficial judgment of what she’s all about.  Of course, the superficial judgment was validated by my Gypsy psychicisms.  I didn’t say any of that to her, but I explained that I was interested in someone else.  She took it well, so I guess it’s not that big of a disappointment that she didn’t have a chance with me, even though I’m hardly some kind of slimy creep.

When I walked her to her door, her parents came out.  I didn’t like them.  In fact, they wicked sucked.  They shouted at her that she never called, and they shouted at me, saying, “what did you do to her?”  They blamed me still even after she described what happened.  They accused me of getting her drunk and taking advantage of her.  She said I didn’t, but they insisted she couldn’t know that if she was unconscious or blacked out.  I was sure they were going to call the police until they finally calmed down.  But they told me that if they find out anything happened, I’d better look out.  They also threatened that if I ever went there again or tried to contact her, I’d regret it.  Geesh, and I was feeling good about myself for being a nice guy.  After that I felt like an asshole even though I did nothing wrong.

And that’s the story of the drunken maiden that I haven’t seen since, and have no intentions of seeing again.  Bogart’s asked about her, wants her to come around to give him a blow job, even after he told her to her face that Megan was a stupid name.  I know that you Invisible Journal Reading People are probably wondering whatever happened with Bogart’s girl Ashley, but again, those details will come later.

My theme song for today is “Sunday Morning Coming Down” performed by Johnny Cash and written by Kris Kristofferson, because it reminds me how I used to be, just like the situation with Megan did.  I need these reminders to keep me from getting that way again.



previous Grimm 207: Brief Boringness, Undulating Brain Waves, and Grimm’s Philosophy of Attraction

next Grimm “The Absconded Journal of Wall Grimm as Told by Hasty” 209: Bogart and His Man Panties Full of Nuts

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to:

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 186-210 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 207: Brief Boringness, Undulating Brain Waves, and Grimm’s Philosophy of Attraction

September 27, 2014


Yeah I’ve been a neglectful journal guardian. That’s just the way it is. Been busy. This is my college schedule for my second semester back:

Research Design and Analysis I Tues and Thurs 8 – 9:15

Cognition Tues and Thurs 2 – 3:15

Psych Testing Tues and Thurs 12 – 1:15

Psych of Personality Mon and Fri 8 – 9:15

Group Dynamics SAT 8 – 4

As you can see, Tuesdays and Thursdays are my full days. Monday and Friday I only have the one early class, so I work and I can still go to Blues Monday. I have Wednesdays off, so I don’t work either, that way I have one day off per week. Saturday is my biggest day, but group dynamics is pretty interesting. So that’s my school schedule, then I have Blues Monday, then I work Tues, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun. And I am supervising or in a less degrading way of saying it, hanging out with, Bogart the rest of the time, unless I’m doing homework. Then Pete, Cola, or even Astrid spends time with him. When I’m at school or work, one of them spends time with him then too. He still can’t be alone. I get a lot of homework done at work as well so that helps. Sharly lets me. She understands I’m occupied by Bogart in much of my spare time and don’t often have a quiet place. I go into work, fulfill all my responsibilities immediately, unless it’s busy, then once it’s quiet I do my work behind the counter. The coffee house days are not conducive to that though, but I’m doing all right. I also get my work done in between classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Anyway, that’s all boring content and I can hear you snoring ol’ journal o’ mine. Like I did last semester, I’m not going to do a lot of school talk, even though it’s on my mind. Because college isn’t my life, it’s a path to creating my life, and here with you is where I document the real stuff.

Right now I’m going to address random things. My name is Wall Grimm, and here is my journal segment of randomness.


1. When a man is embarrassed or his ego is shattered, it makes him feel like less of a man. When that happens to a woman, she doesn’t feel like less of a woman, she feels like more of a person who has met yet another challenge to survive and make her stronger.

2. I often think of Bogart as the Master of Stating the Obvious. So I’ve begun to refer to that as “masterstating” which makes him laugh. It’s a good way to point out when he’s maybe saying too much or saying something he shouldn’t say without insulting him. So long as he’s laughing, everything’s ok.

3. People always say live each day like it’s the last, and they think they are, but they’re not. Because I ask myself, if this was my last day on Earth, what would I do? Of course, the reality is you can’t just walk away from your responsibilities, so you fulfill those, but during those moments, how are you spending your thoughts? What can you get from those moments, the interactions with strangers, people you work for and with, and in your spare time, what do you do then? So yeah, if you can’t walk away from your responsibilities because it’s not truly your last day on Earth…well, if it was for me, I know for sure I wouldn’t work. But since I have to, I’d glean–glean is a good word–I’d glean from every experience and moment. Then, at the end of the day, if I wasn’t able to have sex or something, I’d go out with a bang after having myself a big wank.

4. The best way to get your point across when you want to say something that would otherwise piss someone off, but it’s important to be honest and confront an issue, is to compliment them or say something nice first. That’s called tact, and it can also sometimes prevent a punch in the face.

5. I was thinking of the various conjugations of the word fuck. Here is my list, which includes many but not all the conjugations:

Fuck, fucking, fucked, fucker, fuck you, fuck off, fuck all, fucks, fucksome, fuckerino, fucken, fuckism, fuckdom, fuckkkk, fucking asshole, fucking stupid, fucking idiot, fuckwad, fuckhead, fucktool, fuckisimo, fuckology, fuckologist, fucky, fuckasm, fuckation, fuckinterim, fucktastic, fucksome, fucktorious, fuckaholic, fuckaphobic, fuckment, fuckable, fuckagogy, fuckade, fuckility, fuckance, fuckard, fucktard, fuckary, fuckarchy, fuckatholon, fuckathon, fuckeneer, fuckcycle, fuckectomy, fuckence, fuckency, fuckeous, fuckhood, fucketic, fuckagon, fuckify, fuckillion, fuckion, fuckish, fuckitive, fuckization, fuckist, fuckive, fuckless, fuckography, fuckship, fuckster, fuckshire, fucktuary, fuckulent, fuckwise, fuckesque, adfuck, afuck, ambifuck, antefuck, antifuck, befuck, bifuck, circumfuck, contrafuck, defuck, demifuck, disfuck, disfucktional, exfuck, extrafuck, hyperfuck, hypofuck, interfuck, intrafuck, introfuck, multifuck, minifuck, prefuck, surfuck, infrafuck, retrofuck, superfuck, semifuck, subfuck, domfuck, subparfuck, obfuck, transfuck, ultrafuck, postfuck, nonfuck, perfuck, unfuck, refuck, epifuck, cofuck, confuck, confucktion, and last but not least, my favorite, veni vidi fucki.

And to end my journal entry today, I’m going to close with a philosophy. I’ve been seeing Solenne a lot lately, though we haven’t had sex or done much more than kiss. Cola told me that I’m afraid of virgins and she thinks that’s cute. I’m not afraid, I just….I don’t know. I won’t get into it right now. That was an accidental pun. Anyway, so I’ve been seeing her and it has made me realize the thing that makes me most attracted to women. So it’s a personal philosophy. My name is Wall Grimm and I have a philosophy that pertains directly to me.


This is something I’ve alluded to before but never formulated it specifically in my thoughts. But what attracts me most to women is confidence. Emma has always been very confident, one of the most confident women I’ve ever known. I thought Paula was confident, but once she started to reveal a little insecurity, and imposing it upon me, in an unspoken sense, to ensure her self-assurance, I responded by pulling away. I tend to be a confident person with random insecurities. But those things about me that make me unsure are not about who I am as a person or what I look like, they are more based upon my choices and actions and the expectations I have of myself to be a responsible, reliable, and efficient man. I don’t need anyone else to enable me to have that confidence. It’s something I get from myself and self-evaluation. Since I’m able to do that, I suppose I unconsciously expect the same from any woman I’d be involved with. I shouldn’t have to be responsible for how someone feels about themselves. I’m not that important. No one is. Of course, it’s nice to tell a woman she’s smart or beautiful, or whatever you think about her that would make her feel good. But that’s just a gesture and it shouldn’t be necessary for her self-validation.

And that’s all I guess I have to say today.

My theme song for today is “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley, which isn’t relevant to anything I’ve written, so it goes along with the randomness I’ve documented. Plus I love this song.


previous Grimm 206: Grimm, Bogart, Pete, Cola, & Gary Oldman (II) Go Camping

next Grimm 208: The Drunken Maiden’s Morning After


For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to:

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 186-210 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 206: Grimm, Bogart, Pete, Cola, & Gary Oldman (II) Go Camping

September 4, 2014


Well it’s been almost a month since I journaled and I don’t have an excuse, but I’ll offer some up anyway. There were birthdays, which I never mention birthdays, but yeah, Pete’s, my mom’s, and Sharly’s birthdays are all in September.  Solenne came back, but I’ve only seen her once since she returned from England, because I just went camping for a week, which is what I’m going to write about today.  Also, I registered for classes, I’ll document that another day, classes start today, and I bought the books, and…yeah, I guess I just haven’t felt like journaling any of that. I never finished part II of my story about the drunken maiden either, but I’ll get to that sometime.  It’s not like this amazing tale or anything, nothing to anticipate.

All right, anyway…my name is Wall Grimm and I went camping.


I wanted to take Bogart camping because he’s never been.  He pretty much has never done anything in his life. Obviously I figured it would be best if I didn’t camp alone with him, so I tried to think of who could join. I didn’t want to take girl friends because he’d just sexually harass them and/or fuck them.  I didn’t want to take my friends that are guys because I figured Bogart would drive them nuts.  So it came down to Cola and Pete, since they’re roomies, they’re used to him.  Pete’s been camping with me before so he was all right.  Cola, however, has never been and was reluctant to go, insisting she was an indoor girl.  But Pete, Bogart, and I coerced her into going.  Gary Oldman (II) came too, of course.  She’s my sidekick.

We had two tents, since we only got one campsite, that’s all that usually fits on a campsite.  I have an eight person tent which really fits about 4 people comfortably.  I think by an eight person tent they mean that eight people can stand in there.  Yeah, they can stand.  A tent you can stand in is pretty cool.  Anyway, none of us wanted to all squeeze into one tent, especially Cola who said it would be “really smelly because men smell.”  That comment baffled Bogart, he said, “wot?…but ya…but…ya…but….wot??”  He is irreparably confused about Cola.  C-O-L-A Cola.

This was how we decided tent mates:

1. Cola wanted to sleep with me because she said I’m the only one who wouldn’t try to fuck her.

2. Pete wanted to sleep with me because he said I’m the only one who wouldn’t try to fuck him.

3. Bogart didn’t care who he slept with, but he would probably try to fuck any one of us.

4. I wanted my own tent.

5. Pete denied Cola’s comment.

6. Cola denied Pete’s comment.

7. Bogart denied none of it.

8. I wanted my own tent.

9. Cola wanted to sleep with me because she wanted a man to protect her while we slept in the middle of the woods.

10. Bogart got confused.

11. Pete wanted to sleep with me because…well, because he’s gay.

12. Bogart got even more confused.  He either didn’t know that Pete’s gay, or he forgot.

13. I said I’d just sleep under the stars.

But in the end I slept with Bogart, leaving Pete and Cola as tent mates.  And there was no sex, because…

1.  Pete and Cola aren’t each other’s types.  They just give each other shit.

2.  Bogart’s not gay, but makes exceptions when he’s horny enough, though he’s too insane for Pete, and too young and insane for Cola.

3.  I’m straight, ’nuff said.

So that was the situation once we got to the campsite, then we set up the tents.  Pete was teaching Cola, and I taught Bogart.  Bogart’s not really a good student.  He’s impulsive and he doesn’t listen.  The tent was kind of being tossed all over the place, while Gary Oldman (II) sat on the sidelines, dumbfounded and shaking her head.  Then Bogart accidentally snapped one of the poles.  I didn’t have a tent repair kit with me because I was stupid and forgot, however I did have an essential camping item: DUCT TAPE.  No not that duck shit with all the colors and patterns that everyone’s making flower pots and neckties out of.  I’m talking the real deal, the stuff real men use, the hardcore adhesive used by the military in World War II.  You can build a fall out shelter or a jet liner with that shit, not just a wallet or a prom dress.  So I fixed the pole with that, but yeah, the pole was no longer pliable so we had a kind of abstract version of a dome tent.  Cola said it looked bigger than it should and it was leaning and crooked.  Bogart said, “like me willy! bwahahahaahahahaaaa!”  Cola said that maybe she would be his tent mate after all. C-O-L-A Cola.

Nobody ‘raised’ the subject of ‘tenting’, in a colloquial sense, though it would have ‘fit in nicely’ at that point, so I’m sure we all thought it.  I’m pointing out innuendo because I’m juvenile.

But yeah…that was just setting up.  We were there for a week.  Needless to say, it wasn’t my typical commune with nature kind of camping trip.  But we had a good time.  Bogart had a great time, so for me that was rewarding.  It feels good to be able to give him the opportunity to live a normal life, and not feel like a criminal or a patient, and not be considered a nuisance or a hopeless cause.  I’m sure I’m not the only one in the world who could be that person for Bogart.  There’s got to be others.  But so far, I’m the first one who has stepped up to the task and took it on.  And Pete and Cola help a lot.  We make a great team on behalf of him.  I feel pretty good about myself because of that.  And I like my collection of allies.  I tend to be a loner mostly.  I have a lot of friends that I never see or I only see sporadically.  I’ve always had one or two people that I focused on at a time and saw regularly, balanced with a lot of solitude.

And usually I get that sense of solitude in nature as well.  But not so much this trip, though Bogart had us laughing a lot.  One night we just did burgers and dogs for supper.  Mine were veggie, since I’m vegetarian, as I’ve said before.  Keep with the program, Invisible Journal Reading People, do I have to spell everything out for you?  That’s both a rhetorical and an ironic question, as well as it implies delusions of grandeur that I imagine invisible people are invested in the details of my life.  Anyway…

I digress.

We were cooking dogs and burgers over the fire, when Bogart’s hot dog caught fire.  And since he seemed to have only recently learned that Pete’s gay, he said that the wiener was flaming, “like Pete’s willy! bwahahahahahahahaahahaaahaa!”

I think I’ll just end there.

My theme song for this entry is “Oi Oi Oi” by the Cockney Rejects.  Just fucking because.  Oi.



previous Grimm 205: Teetotaling Grimm and the Drunken Maiden

next Grimm 207: Brief Boringness, Undulating Brain Waves, and Grimm’s Philosophy of Attraction



For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to:

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.






Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 186-210 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 205: Teetotaling Grimm and the Drunken Maiden

August 12, 2014


So Saturday was my birthday and people got me some presents, but they respected my wishes and didn’t do anything big.  I went out for lunch with my parents because if I didn’t see my mom on my birthday, then she’d get upset.  My aunt tagged along because she was visiting from out of town.  She kept pointing out steak and pork and chicken dishes for me and I had to keep saying that I’m vegetarian.  Finally it sunk in and she said, sounding very Italian, “what’s wrong with you, you don’t eat meat, a man should eat meat, you need meat.”

“I don’t need meat.”

“Maybe you should have some meat, Valente.”  My mom out of nowhere decided to reconsider my vegetarianess.

“I don’t need meat, Mama.”

I decided on pasta primavera, because at least it was Italian and that satisfied my aunt.  For dessert, they had the staff of the restaurant come over and sing to me.  There’s the center of attention thing that I don’t like, but it was a thoughtful gesture.

Other than that, I got Gary Oldman (II) some new toys and treats because it was her birthday too, and I took the night off from work to spend the day and evening alone.  It feels like it’s been a long time since I’ve had solitude of any quantity and/or quality.  I was feeling pretty good about myself, confident, assured in my accomplishments and responsibility, so I believed I was capable of going into a bar and not drinking.  I just wanted the bar scene, it’s been so long.  There’s something comforting about it, being surrounded by people who are having a good time, some of them acquaintances, many of them strangers, and myself alone seated at the bar watching them all, getting perspective on things.  Yet usually I’d be drinking whiskey or beer or both and I’d end up shitfaced and my perspective only involved being able or unable to present myself sober, while others probably saw me as drunk off my ass.  Perspective.

Anyway, I was good, I didn’t drink, and that was awesome.  I sat at the bar and I got apple juice and tonic water on ice, which is as close to whiskey as I could think to have.  More tonic water than apple juice though because otherwise it would be too sweet.  I didn’t want nonalcoholic beer because it’s too close to the real thing, and like I said before, there’s an element of dissatisfaction with it.  Since it’s so close, there’s the anticipation of the alcohol in your blood which just isn’t there.  Being in a bar with that lack of gratification wouldn’t be a good idea.  But yeah, I was good, I didn’t drink, I was teetotaling Grimm.

Then this girl came up to the bar beside me to order a drink.  She was pretty cute and while she was waiting for her Sex on the Beach, no pun intended, she glanced at me.  At first it was one of those passive looks that girls give to guys in bars, which suggests they’re acknowledging a presence, but it’s more of a looking-right-through-you kind of notice.  But I nodded a subtle greeting and then her eyes allowed her to see me and she kind of lit up and said, “hi!”  I turned to be sure she wasn’t talking to someone behind me because it seemed she was addressing someone familiar, but no, she meant me.

She stayed and talked to me for the rest of the night.  At first I gave her my stool, then I sat when the one beside her was available.  We talked and flirted, and she drank, and I didn’t.  Her name was Megan.  She seemed ok for a while, as in holding her liquor.  I didn’t notice how much she was drinking.  Then she stood because I said I wanted to go out for a smoke.  She stood and it all hit her and she was instantly and intensely intoxicated.  Before I had a chance to stand, she fell over into my arms, only because I had to catch her.  She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her body into mine, then whispered in my ear that she wanted to fuck me.  Of course I was tempted, because how can that not make a guy horny?  But she was really drunk and I was completely sober, so that didn’t seem right.  I had her sit back down, but her drunkenness kind of made her an instant slut.  She began rubbing my legs and said, “you work out, I can tell, your thighs are rock hard.”  I mumbled so she couldn’t hear, “that’s not all that’s rock hard.”  But she heard me, oops.  She laughed and was like, “ooooh” and she started groping me and trying to undo my pants, so I had to move her hands away.  She said in that very loud drunk voice people get when they’re saying something no one else around them should hear, “you are sooo hard!”  Then she was feeling my arms and she made me stand up.  At first, I was like no, I’m not standing, but she wouldn’t let up so I did.  She lifted my shirt and began feeling my stomach.  All the while I was just kind of taking it but at the same time deterring it from becoming too excessive.  But then she stopped two girls passing by and insisted they feel my abdomen.  I had three girls feeling my abs, it was like a freakin’ porn, so I pulled away because I was really hard and I didn’t want to lose myself.

The girls finally left when Megan said, “ok now stop touching him, he’s mine.”  Then she proceeded to wrap her arms around me and feel my ass.  She was like, “you can tell how good a guy is in bed by his ass.  I can tell you’re a good fuck.”

That’s when I was like, all right let’s find your friends.  We searched the bar and asked around and it seemed her friends left.  I told her to call or text them, but apparently they had her purse with her cell in it.  I had walked there, it was over an hour walk, and I was planning to take a taxi home, so I couldn’t drive her anywhere.  But I said I’d get a taxi to get her home, and I’d ride with her to be sure she got there safely.  She said she didn’t want to go home.  I suggested a friend’s.  She said, “no, let’s go to your place.”

I had the bartender call for a taxi and we had a smoke outside while we waited for it.  At first she took her shoes off and she shrunk about 5 inches.  She only went up to my armpit.  But she still had a hard time standing so I sat on the pavement beside her, leaning against the building.  I figured once we’d get in the cab we could drive a little and I could get her address out of her.  But she passed out while we were driving.  Out fucking cold.  So we went to my place, I picked her up over my shoulder since I still couldn’t wake her, and carried her upstairs to my apartment.

I laid her on my bed with a bucket in case she had to puke and a glass of ginger ale, then I went out on the couch to jerk off and crash as soon as possible.  All the roomies were in bed since it was nearly 3am by then.  About an hour later, she started puking, and she puked for a few hours until she fell asleep and stayed asleep.  We were in the bathroom at that point, both sleeping on the floor.  I had dozed off after her.  About 8am I woke and carried her back to my bed, then went back on the couch, but Pete and Cola were getting up.  I told them what was going on and I went in Pete’s room to sleep.  And that day, the day after, is another story altogether.  Until next time…

My theme song for this journal entry is “Last Nite” by The Strokes.


previous Grimm 205: Grimm’s Birthday, Harmonica, and Underwear

next Grimm  206: Grimm, Bogart, Pete, Cola, & Gary Oldman (II) Go Camping

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to:

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 186-210 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 204: Grimm’s Birthday, Harmonica, and Underwear

August 9, 2014


Today’s my birthday, I’m 25.  I don’t have anything specifically planned to celebrate and I requested that everyone I know ignore it and treat it like any other day.  I’m not sure if that will happen, but one can hope.  Last year was when I burned the scrapbook Emma gave me.  I never really liked being the center of attention.  I’m not insecure, but I kind of exist in my own world and when I’m excessively acknowledged and focused in on, it penetrates that private realm.  I’m also really bad at remembering birthdays, so I guess I kind of feel guilty when other people remember mine even though I forget theirs.  Today is also Gary Oldman (II)’s birthday.  She’s a year old.  I estimated her age when I found her.  She was a kitten, but I found her around this time, so I gave her my birthday in order to remember.  I realize now that I never acknowledged Valentina’s birthday.  And now I feel horrible.  She would’ve been a year old.  Maybe I unconsciously sabotaged my memory of it because it has the potential to destroy me.

Ok, on to other things.  I haven’t seen Solenne since our date.  She went to England with her uncle not long after, and they’ve been gone all this time.  They’re visiting other family, then she’ll be returning home and starting college.  We’re actually going to attend the same college, which is cool.

Other than that, the rest of this journal entry will be about my harmonica and my underwear.

I like to hang out in my underwear, bikini briefs usually, that’s just the way it is, I’ve said this before.  I also like to clean that way, while listening to music and dancing to it.  Recently, I was doing such and listening to the radio rather than cd’s.  Pete was out with Bogart, taking him clothes shopping, because Bogart barely has any clothes and he likes a lot of the shit I wear, so Pete thought he could help him expand his wardrobe.  That’s more of a Pete thing to do.  I hate shopping.  Cola was home and helping to clean.  So we’re listening to the radio and “Love is Like Oxygen” by Sweet came on and I’m dancing and cleaning and Cola was like, “why do you clean in your underwear, Wall Grimm?”  I was like, “I dunno.”  She said, “dancing to disco in your bikini underwear is kind of effeminate, you know.”  I said, “no it isn’t.” “Whatever you say, Caballero.”

At one point I took a break to have a smoke but instead I started to play my harmonica.  I’ve been trying to quit and I find that the harp is a good way of distracting me from smoking.  I get sucked into the notes and separate from the world around me, like I just go off to another plane of existence and get lost, as if I’m channeling the spirit of a master harpist and the music that results is like nothing I could create otherwise.  It comes from a source I tap into that I just can’t explain.  So I went out on the balcony and was playing.  Astrid was below and she told me to come down and play there and have a smoke with her.  I told her I was in my underwear, she said that’s ok, so was she.

I went down and she was like wtf, saying I was practically naked, she figured I was in boxers and a t-shirt or something.  I said, “well, I don’t care if you don’t care.”  She said she didn’t care.  But she wasn’t in her underwear and when I pointed that out, she said she went in and put on some shorts.  I said I figured she wouldn’t care if I was in my underwear because I heard her conversation with her friend Matt when she said it would be disgusting to fuck me.  She explained that I’m not disgusting, it’s just that she’s old enough to be my mother.  I knew that’s what she meant.  I told her that a couple years ago I was involved with Paula, who was 50.  She asked my age again and I said my birthday was coming up, I was going to be 25.  She expressed that it was wrong that Paula got involved with me.  She asked what I thought about a 50 year old man getting involved with a 23 year old girl.  I admitted that I’d think he was a pervert.  But I think it’s different for some reason.  We kind of ended the conversation there and had a smoke.  But then she told me to put something on, she changed her mind.  So I went up and put on my Eastwood and Stepping Wolves.  She thought that was pretty funny.  I started on the harp and soon after, her friend Matt showed up.  He seemed appalled that I was sitting there in my bikini briefs in front of the woman he’s obsessed with.  I stopped playing, took off my Eastwood and covered my crotch.  I said that I had to put something on anyway because for some reason when I play it gets me hard, so I went up to put some pants on.  I heard Matt’s voice saying shit, and I know it was about me by the tone, but I couldn’t discern what he was saying.  The tone in Astrid’s voice was defensive, of both herself and of me.  That’s the sense I got.

Anyway, there was another day after that I was home alone, hanging out in my underwear and playing on the harp.  I didn’t hear the texts I was getting.  A couple were from Ayla who wanted to come by since she hadn’t seen the new place yet.  The roomies were all out together.  Cola wanted to get some art supplies, and then they were going grocery shopping.  We take turns teaching Bogart day to day type responsibilities.  But he’s kind of a challenge from time to time and it’s better if there’s two of us with him.  Unless it’s me.  I can handle him on my own, but it can be exhausting.

So Ayla shows up, knocks on the door and I answered it.  I could hear Cola’s voice in my head, “why do you answer the door in your underwear, Wall Grimm?”  And since I’ve only been on one date with Solenne and she’s not my girlfriend, I decided to accept a blowjob from Ayla.  I figured that when and if Solenne becomes my girlfriend, it may be a long time that I’ll have to go without sex.  I’ve been without for about 2 weeks now, or more, I lost track, since Iona is taking time away from me.  Not long after she decided to do that, I met Solenne and haven’t pursued sex since she’s my focus.  But when opportunity knocks, as Ayla did, it helps.

I was on the couch and she was kneeling on some cushions on the floor, and it was just as I was cumming that the roomies returned home.  I came hard and I was pretty loud and when I was done, I opened my eyes and all three of them were standing there.  They had just come in at the end, I imagine, since Cola would more likely guide the others away and allow me some privacy.  But as I said before, Pete’s a closet pervert.  So I said, “Pete, you pervert.”  He said, “Me??  They’re here too.”  “by default.”  “What’s that even mean?”  I shrugged.

Cola said, “it’s good to see you weren’t lonely in our absence, Wall Grimm.”


Bogart just stood looking astounded for a moment before he went off, “Blimey!!!  I wan’ one!”  He approached us, pulled his pants and underwear down to his knees.  “I wan’ one, come on now, love, give us one, let’s ‘ave a go, crack on then,” or something very British like that, a raunchy request sounding proper somehow.

I wanted to say, no Bogart she’s mine, but Ayla spoke up.  First she gawked at his junk and said, “Nice!  That’s some equipment you’ve got there.”  Then she added, “but no, thank you.  I only do this for Grimm.”

I said, “what, really?”



“I don’t know.  What the hell do you think of me?  You think I give everyone blowjobs?  Nope, just you.”

I never thought of it, but I guess I assumed that she did, that she enjoyed giving blowjobs.  I had no idea it was just me.  What the fuck does someone say to that?  I said, “…thank you…. …?”

“You’re welcome.”

Now I wonder if I’m the only one she fucks too.  And I’m thinking back to something Sharly said to me way back when.  She said girls want more from me than sex, but I usually only want sex and that’s clear from the start, so they do it just to have me at least in some way.  Sharly said it, not me, and she phrased it better.  It feels vain to find validity in that, and makes me feel like an asshole, though it’s not how I purposely go about my way or anything.  I never thought that Ayla might be one of those girls.  My psychicisms have failed me in terms of Ayla.  Sex kind of puts a wall up against my intuition.  Ironically, a wall.  I am a man of many walls.  I am Wall.  I am Wall Grimm.

And my theme song of course is “Love is Like Oxygen”, by Sweet.



previous Grimm 203: Master of Stating the Obvious & Grimm in Love

next Grimm 205: Teetotaling Grimm and the Drunken Maiden

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to:

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.


Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 186-210 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 203: Master of Stating the Obvious & Grimm in Love

August 2, 2014


So last Sunday I went on the sextuple date, triple date.  First, as Solenne had requested, I went to her house to pick her up.  She wanted it like a real official date, so I brought her flowers.  Her uncle is a nice guy but pretty intense.  When I first got there and he opened the door, the solid, brisk movement of the opening door created an air current that went through me like a ghost.  And the motion was so sudden, I was startled, especially once he was standing there gazing down at me.  The entire few seconds of this experience nearly caused me to shit my pants or maybe have a heart attack.  But in the end, he and I were laughing together and I think he trusts me with his niece.

We went back to my place first, where I introduced her to Astrid, Pete, Bogart, and Cola.  They were sitting out back, so I brought her out there.  I introduced them in order of how they were seated, which began with Pete, who stood and shook her hand.  Bogart observed that and followed suit, but then he said to her, “you’re black, really black, you’re a very dark black.”  Then I nearly shit myself again, this time from embarrassment.  Solenne just smiled graciously and said, “yes, I am.”  I added, “she’s beautiful” then took her hand and kissed the back of it.  I introduced Astrid next, then Cola, at which point, Bogart, Master of Stating the Obvious says, “‘e’s a bloke, ‘e’s a bloke in a dress, ‘e wears ladies’ knickers, wants to be a lady.”

Cola said, “no Bogart, I don’t want to be a lady, I’m very happy with myself the way I am.  Well, maybe sometimes I do.”  She laughed, then said, “but I like having a male body, but living as a woman.  Most times.”

Then while we waited for Bogart’s date and her friends, I took Solenne upstairs to see the apartment.  I forgot to mention that I had Gary Oldman (II) with me the entire time, even when I picked Solenne up.  Gary didn’t like the greyhounds very much but they seemed to like her.  Anyway, I wanted to avoid the awkwardness when you show someone your place and end with your bedroom, so I started with my bedroom and ended with the kitchen.  Then it got awkward in the kitchen.  I told her I’d like to have her seated at my table sometime eating a meal I prepare just for her.  She said she’d like that.  Then I had to kiss her, but I had to make it a brief one because I don’t want to overwhelm her with my constantly touching and kissing her.  It’s hard for me to keep my hands to myself around her.

Anyway, the others showed up, the girl Bogart met when we went running, Ashley, and her friends that are a couple, Douchebag and Fuckingbitch.  (I don’t like them).  Bogart, being a good mimic once again, introduced everyone as I did.  This time he didn’t state the obvious and I suspect that once I went inside with Solenne, he was advised not to say those kinds of things.  It was probably Astrid who told him not to.  She has a very un-insulting and gentle way of correcting his behavior which he’s responsive to.

So after all that, the six of us loaded up in Douchebag’s SUV and went to Willard Brook.  I took a bunch of pictures on my phone.

This is the bridge over the river.


This is a wall.  I had to take it.  Because it’s a wall.  A cool one.  And that’s my name.

wall pic

Speaking of my name being Wall.  I saw this graffiti on the bridge.

I love Wall 2

Nice.  Someone loves me.

Speaking of graffiti, I saw this, which kind of made me laugh, but I hate when people write shit like this at family places.

grafitti 1

But there was some nice graffiti too, which was cool, and Solenne liked it.

grafitti 2

grafitti 3

I took a picture of this tree, which was pretty much symbolic of how I was feeling all day around Solenne.


But the fire kind of freaked me out because there were demons in it.


We had a great time.  We swam in the lake, walked through and along the river.  Went down the path to a private area by the river and swam there.  It had a natural water slide which was cool.  We hiked, found a bunch of blueberries that we picked.  We ate a picnic lunch, including stuff we cooked over the fire, and ended of course with s’mores.

Ashley’s friends were all right at first, but they kept making faces about Bogart.  It was wicked fucking pissing me off, but I didn’t want to cause a scene.  I just kind of didn’t interact with them at all.  I was the aloof, cold shoulder Grimm.  I didn’t look them in the eye if they tried to talk to me, but when they’d be making faces or mocking Bogart, I’d look at them then.  I’d give them my Siciliani Romani Gypsy curse look, without actually cursing them, but it made them uncomfortable.  At least they weren’t being so open about their mockery.  Bogart had no idea.  I figured I let him enjoy his date with Ashley and it only mattered how she felt about him, not what they thought.  He’s just boisterous and talkative when he’s excited, and the whole day for him was a new adventure so of course he was really excited.  I mean, being in the river and hiking and shit like that was all so new to him that he completely forgot about sex.  He just reverted back to a healthy version of childhood.

Ashley seemed to like Bogart a lot.  She was laughing all the time, not at him, but just amused by him.  He is pretty funny.  He kinda of comes off as unintelligent sometimes, but he’s far from it.  He’s actually very smart and like I’ve said before, he’s a fast learner, which is impressing me.  I think he really wants to fit in, not just with the people around him, but in life.  He’s invested in making a sincere effort to be a “real person”.  So I was glad to see that Ashley appreciated him for who he is, because there’s no disguising his personality.

The day ended with Solenne and Ashley coming back to our place.  Douchebag and Fuckingbitch left in the SUV, so Bogart and I were going to take the girls home later.  But as we were sitting outside just hanging out, Bogart came out with, “blimey I wan’a fuck the ‘ell ou’a ya.”  Which she laughed at, then stood up and started to run up the stairs toward our balcony and the door to our apartment.  She said to him, “come on!”  So he followed, and they disappeared for the night in his bedroom.  On and off throughout the night they could be heard in there, especially him.

After they ran off, it felt awkward around Solenne.  I wanted the same but I wasn’t about to indicate that because I was still unsure how to go about doing everything right in order to keep her interested.  I was thinking long term, which often conflicts with immediate gratification.  Instead I asked her to go for a walk, that way we’d finally have time alone together.  We talked a lot and kissed a lot, and held hands when we walked.  And I brought her home at a decent time because I not only want to respect her, I want to respect her uncle, who is very protective.  I’m not sure where they stand on premarital sex.  It’s very high on my list of agreeable activities, but that’s not the case for everyone.  So I took her home and kissed her goodnight and walked away feeling sick to my stomach.  Yeah, I’m fucking in love with her.  That wasn’t supposed to happen.  Love doesn’t ever seem to be convenient.

My theme song for this entry is Your favorite love song, Invisible Journal Reading People.



next Grimm 204: Grimm’s Birthday, Harmonica, and Underwear

previous Grimm 202: Supplying Chocolate, Vacuuming Private Parts, the Beach, & Lizard King Competition

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to:

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.


Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 186-210 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 202: Supplying Chocolate, Vacuuming Private Parts, the Beach, & Lizard King Competition

July 31, 2014


I have a few things to talk about today.  My next entry I’ll discuss the tri-couple date.  I guess that makes it a triple date.  A double date should be called a quadruple date, since there’s four people.  Our date should be called a sextuple.  But that gives the wrong idea about the date.  So I’ll just call it a triple, which has good connotations in baseball anyway, which has its own connotations for sex.  I’ll stop myself there.

My name is Wall Grimm and here are a few brief stories:


1.  I’m not only supplying Astrid with smokes, wine, and toilet paper, but I’ve also begun to buy her chocolate.  She doesn’t want it at her place because she says she’ll eat it… …though that’s the point.  It’s at my place and she texts whenever she’s fiending.  I’m doing this for two reasons.  First, she spilled M&M’s outside of her car one day, and later that night she went out to eat them off the ground.  After eating some, she went inside to get a flashlight to find the rest and returned to see they were covered in ants.  Protein.  Next thing she did was dig through her trash for Dunkin’ Donuts munchkins she’d thrown away.  Here’s a woman who takes desperate measures to consume chocolate when she has a craving.  I’ve decided to be her supplier to prevent her from armed robbery over an Almond Joy.

2.  Astrid, Cola, Pete, Bogart, and I had a fire pit going Monday night.  I was in a strange mood and the fire was huge so I stood before everyone with the fire in front of me and declared, “I am the Lizard King!  I can do anything!”  It’s one of my favorite quotes, and it’s by Jim Morrison, who keeps invading my journal.  Anyway, this inspired Bogart.  He jumped up, shoved me out of the way, punched me in the face and shouted, “No!  I am the Lizard King!  An’ I can do anyfing!  Ya cunt!”  I retaliated by shoving him down to the ground and punching him in the face a couple times, then we had a mini brawl that Astrid yelled for us to stop.  But I was annoyed because this was after Bogart and I talked and he had agreed not to hit me in the face anymore because I’m tired of walking around looking beat up all the time.  He’s also not supposed to hit me in the stomach unexpectedly because I don’t want any internal damage or to die like Houdini.

3.  Saturday before I went to work, we were cleaning because I wanted the place presentable in case anyone came home with us after the date on Sunday.  Bogart was vacuuming.  He’d never used a vacuum before.  At one point he had just the tube to get in a corner or something, and he discovered the suction qualities of the vacuum on his pant leg.  He began putting it on other parts of his clothing, then he went at my shirt with it.  He was very entertained.  Then he undid his pants and pulled them down.  I was like, “no, man, don’t put that on your dick.”  He said ok, put it on his testicle, and began hollering and panicking when he couldn’t get it off.  I unplugged the vacuum.  He started whining about how now one of his testicles was “longer” than the other and that they were uneven.  He kept asking me to look and confirm it.  I didn’t look but I was just like, “no they’re the same.”  He plugged the vacuum in, suctioned the other one, then unplugged the vacuum again.  He said, “there, ‘at’s be’a!”

Now I’ll describe the Friday beach trip with me, Astrid, and Bogart.  First thing I had to do when we got there was take him to the men’s room so he could jerk off.  As we were driving around looking for a parking place, the amount of hot girls in bikinis was too much for him.  He’s getting better though, since he announced in the car that he needed “a wank” without just doing it.  After that I instructed him to keep his sunglasses on and ogle discretely without saying anything, and that he’d probably get more attention himself that way, since he is an attractive guy.  Basically I was advising him to not act like such a goofball, but not in those words.  As a result he did get attention, and phone numbers.  I avoided the women myself for two reasons.  1.  Astrid’s cool to hang with.  I also didn’t want to be rude.  Plus my presence deterred any attention that she didn’t want.  2.  I didn’t want distractions from Solenne.  I officially met her the day before, and our date was to be on Sunday.  I was only thinking of her.

Bogart was good and didn’t grope any of them.  He’s a fast learner, and he’s great at mimicking behavior, such as when he sees how I behave with girls.  He was talking to about 5 girls at once, at one point.  His accent is a magnet.  As an experiment I went up to them all and said hello, introducing myself as Valente, in my mock Italian accent, and they were all like “oooh, an Italian man.”  They literally said that.  One girl even put her hand on my chest and said she loved chest hair it’s so manly.  Then I had to go away, since I was in the speedo shorts I got with Hasty, an erection would’ve been obvious.

Later along the boardwalk, we went to the Cascade Café, where Astrid ordered a “penis colada”.  That’s actually what she said to the waitress.  Bogart thought that was hysterical.  He wanted to drink but I wouldn’t let him because of his medication, and he accepted that because I can’t drink either.  Astrid was like, “oh yeah!” and told me then I can drive home, since she drove there.  We took her convertible.

While we were on the upper patio at the café, Bogart noticed the water slides and wanted to try them.  I went down with him and he went on it repeatedly until he threw up because he only ate tons of fried dough the whole day.

Back to the beach, we finally went in the ocean, since Bogart was too busy talking to girls before.  It took him a while to get in since the water was cold he said it hurt his bollocks.  But it wasn’t long before he was jumping the waves and having fun, yet still distracted by girls.  He’s got no concept of age appropriateness, I’ve learned.  Some of those girls, who are clearly very young to me, maybe 14ish, they’ve got the bodies of 18+ year olds and Bogart can’t tell the difference, so I had to explain to him to be careful about that.

Two more things:

Bogart joined a group of about 5 kids ages ranging from 5 – 12, and built an elaborate sand castle.  At first his approach to the kids kind of freaked the moms out, but I told them he was harmless, he’s never been to the beach before, and since the kids were building the castle near their moms, they were able to supervise, and realize he was essentially like a kid himself.

Bogart almost got a tattoo, but I discouraged him against it until he could pick something meaningful.  At the time, his sense of meaningful was an image of a girl with big tits that he saw on the tattoo artists’ wall.  I told him that’s not really a good idea.

My theme song is by Flight of the Concords, “We’re Both in Love with a Sexy Lady” because I think, if not for my interest in Solenne, Bogart and I would have the potential to go after the same girls.  I’m not used to the competition, which is probably why I don’t even bother.  I instantly resign and allow Bogart all the opportunity.  Maybe I’m being a good wing man, or maybe my ego is unconsciously concerned that some women would choose Bogart over me and I don’t want to find out if that’s true, so I’d rather not have to face it.  Very bizarre in psychological terms once you start getting into the unconsciousness of the ego.



previous Grimm 201: Grimm Meets a Girl

next Grimm 203: Master of Stating the Obvious & Grimm in Love

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to:

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 186-210 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 201: Grimm Meets a Girl

July 29, 2014


I have a lot to catch up with yet again, Wise Old Journal, including Bogart’s first date, which was on Sunday; our beach day, which was on Friday; and incidents including ants, M&Ms, the fire pit, and a vacuum.  But for now I will focus on when I met HER.

I was sitting in Barnes & Noble for most of the day in order to try and meet someone that I could take on a date and join Bogart for moral support, as I described in my previous entry.  Anyway, I was beginning to get discouraged when SHE walked in.  I saw her walk up to the counter and order a coffee.  I figured that she would sit or browse around the store, then I’d make my way to her and strike up some conversation.  But she left.  She ordered her coffee and walked back out the door.  I was like, shit wtf damnit mother fuck.  Because what the hell was I supposed to do, stalk her?

Well, this gaping hole birthed and began to expand in the pit of my stomach once she walked out, so after my wtf moment, I decided to go out after her.  I grabbed my own coffee and my book and ran out.  I stood in front of the store and saw her walking in the direction of the other stores in the plaza.  She wasn’t headed toward the parking lot.

In the midst of my dilemma about how to make this happen, I ran up to her, about ten feet away, and said, “excuse me.”

She turned, “yes?”

She was so beautiful, tall and black.  She was like a couple inches shorter than me maybe, and her skin was the dark black that almost seemed blue.  I lost my breath for a second and I thought I’d just get dizzy and pass out.  I just stared at her.  I’ve always kind of done that though, I get the impulse to approach a girl, say hi, then have no idea what to say next.  While I’m thinking of it, I just stare, and somehow, this has inadvertently become my manner of picking up girls.  It would seem they’d think I was kinda creepy, but nope, somehow they get intrigued.  This girl just smiled, “do you have something you want to say?”

She had a French accent.  We were still about ten feet away from each other and stationary, so I walked up to her and said, “umm I…I just…I wanted…ummm…hi, I’m Grimm.”  I decided to just introduce myself before I began to speak in tongues, and I put out my hand to shake hers.


“It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yes, but…why?”

“Because…ummm…” and since I had nothing else to say and no other cause for accosting her, I was honest, “you’re beautiful.  I saw you buy your coffee and I wanted to talk to you, but then you left, so I didn’t have much time to think about how to approach you.”

“That’s romantic.  Are you romantic?”

“I can be.”

“I remember you.”

“You remember me?  What do you mean?”

And then she described the day last year when I went to Barnes & Noble with my mother for mother’s day.  Solenne was apparently the girl who caught me with my hand down my pants scratching my balls.  Hardly a good first impression, but it was an impression enough for her to remember me.  She said I made her laugh and she thought I was cute.  Ok, I’ll take cute.  I’d prefer to be called hot and handsome, but cute’s not bad.

She then said that she had somewhere she needed to go, but had one more stop to make first, and she invited me to walk with her.  I asked if she minded if I smoked.  I figured I’d expose the bad habit right away and get it over with, but I still told her I was trying to quit.  She smoked with me though she’s not a smoker, it’s only social for her.  As we were walking she said we were going to Petco because she has three greyhounds that she adopted.  Their names are Marcy, Daisy, and Brad.  She changed their names from their race dog names, because she believed their original names carried bad associations for them.  Brad is named after Brad Pitt.  I said, funny I have a cat named Gary Oldman.  She said she’d like to meet “him”.  I said, “her”.  She said, “oh that is funny.”

So she likes animals, and I found out that she runs, which is awesome, and she goes with her dogs, because they need lots of exercise or their muscles will atrophy.  I accompanied her during her shopping, purchasing, and I helped her load up her car.  She told me that she’s from the Ivory Coast, and about five years ago she came to the states to live with an uncle because there was too much violence.  She didn’t want to go into detail, but she said she “lost” her family.  Since she’s come here, she’s caught up on her education, including learning to read and speaking English.  Her first language is French.  Since she’s been here, another civil war has broken out there.  She’s only nineteen years old, but for her I will make an exception to my age restrictions.  Solenne has been through a lot, so she’s wise and mature.  But she is extremely positive and loves life and values every minute of it because she says you never know what’s going to happen next, good or bad.  She believes she is very lucky to be here in the states and she’s excited that she will begin college this year, majoring in sociology because she wants to help people on a global level, but she’s not sure where to begin.  Sociology seemed fitting.

Anyway, I could no longer deny that I was in love with her.  Every word I spoke came out with a bunch of breath because I could barely breathe.  The exhales came out in my words, my inhales were kinda shaky.  I don’t think I was breathing at all when I wasn’t speaking.  But after we loaded her car, I told her about the date and explained that the girl Bogart is taking is bringing along a couple she knows, in order for her to feel safe.  Solenne said she won’t do that.  She said she feels safe and senses safety from me, so she wanted me to pick her up at her house like a real date, because she’s never been on a real date either.  She added that I will then also meet her uncle who will hunt me down and mutilate me if I should harm her in any way, then she laughed.  I said I wasn’t concerned about that, because I’d never hurt her.  I told her I’d call her on Saturday to confirm what we’re doing.

Then as she was saying goodbye, I said, “wait a minute.”  I wasn’t ready for her to go yet.

She was at her car door, standing inside the open door and I was facing her, very close to her.  I wanted to kiss her but I thought it might not be appropriate since we only just met, so after I said “wait” I just stood there again, staring at her.  She smiled and said, “what?”

I leaned in slowly to kiss her, slow enough for her to know what I was doing, and slow enough for her to turn away or refuse it if she wanted.  But she didn’t.  She took it and kissed me back.  Then she told me I was definitely a romantic.  She said goodbye and drove away.

I watched her drive away, and couldn’t move at first as I was captured by the remnants of her presence, but once I broke out of the time warp, I was eventually able to get on with my day.

And my theme song for this entry is “Hello, I Love You” by The Doors, because is there another more appropriate song?



previous Grimm 200: Grimm on the Hunt

next Grimm 202: Supplying Chocolate, Vacuuming Private Parts, the Beach, & Lizard King Competition

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to:

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 186-210 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

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