December 24, 2014
It is time now for the saga of being enstoned with Astrid to come to an end. These are the things I have yet to describe:
1. Astrid making up words insisting they’re in the dictionary with me puppet show two asses hiding or thinking so from behind couch what was she thinking Astrid didn’t know we were seen but I did daughter said her name is Shayte spelled s h a y t e but that was my mistake she really said Shaye
2. Salsa sauce
3. Elf on a shelf
4. Tin foil wrapped around itself with a sock on its head and a joint
All right, well the first part is self-explanatory. Astrid was making up words which were clearly not words, but she insisted they were and told us to look in the dictionary, which we didn’t bother doing. We weren’t even curious to find out if maybe we were wrong, because those words were definitely not real. I wish I could remember the words but they were multisyllabic.
The one about her daughter’s name is also obvious. I had known her name was Shaye, though asked her how to spell it. I thought she said, “Shayte, spelled s h a y t e.” But she really said “Shaye, spelled s h a y e.” The interesting thing about that is, since it’s a monosyllabic name (speaking of syllables) it’s easy to see how I might misunderstand her saying her name was Shayte as opposed to Shaye, but in her spelling, how did I hear her throw in a ‘t’?
My subconscious filled in the letter I guess, since I was thinking she was creatively altering her name to be a variant pronunciation of the word shit, or shite. I don’t know why. Hey, I was stoned what can I say.
Salsa sauce is just something that I was teasing Astrid about. She was asking if I had any snacks to bring down because she got the munchies. She asked if I had tortilla chips and salsa sauce. I had never heard anyone call it salsa sauce before. I was like, that’s fucking redundant. Salsa just is. The word salsa defines itself, nothing else is salsa. You don’t need to include the word sauce. Like rice pilaf basically means rice rice and shrimp scampi means shrimp shrimp. You don’t say spaghetti pasta or squid calamari or bagel bread. But I still don’t think I was able to convince her that all she needs to say is salsa.
The puppet show. Here is when things get ridiculous. My name is Wall Grimm and I was forced to do a puppet show.
WALL GRIMM’S MUTE PUPPET
After one of Shaye’s friends left, she went upstairs to her room with her other friend that had arrived, Zack. Astrid wanted to mess with them somehow, and mentioned something about puppets talking to them at their door. My first thought was that we should do a puppet show, we’d hide behind the couch and when they’d come downstairs they’d only see the puppets which would be…I guess putting on a show for them. My second thought was, “don’t fucking say this idea aloud.” But the next thing I did was say it aloud. Apparently I don’t even listen to me when I’m stoned, but at least I understand myself.
It was a joke idea, I didn’t mean for it to actually happen. Yet Astrid thought it was a great idea and got all excited about doing it and forced me to do it. I say forced because she can be very persistent. Also, when she gets excited about something, it’s difficult to say no, since she’s the kind of person you want to make happy. Plus, I was high, so…yeah.
Her enthusiasm dominated my reluctance.
We put socks on our hands and got behind the couch in child’s pose, which is a yoga name for kneeling down with your ass on your feet, your abdomen and chest down over your thighs and knees, and your face to the floor. If Shaye and her friend would’ve come to the bottom of the stairs, they wouldn’t have seen us, but we would’ve raised our hands and put on a glorious show. Not really glorious, but how else do you describe a puppet show?
Astrid was calling Shaye down, who wasn’t responding at first but then she came down to get something from the kitchen. The dining area of the kitchen and the living room is one large room separated only by the line between carpet and flooring. Once Shaye went into the kitchen, she could see us, our ass ends. I knew she could see us, but Astrid was convinced she couldn’t and remained tucked down. I followed her lead and remained that way too, unsure of what to do next. Yeah it was my idea to do a puppet show, but I didn’t want to do it, and I had no plan as to how to execute it, or how to accommodate for mishaps with ‘the show must go on’ mentality. So I stayed tucked down, and Shaye was directly behind us in the dining area. And since I was behind Astrid, my face was pretty much in Astrid’s ass. Shaye was like, “what the fuck are you guys doing?” We didn’t respond, we just continued to pretend we weren’t there and remained ‘hidden’.
Then Shaye went back upstairs. Astrid wasn’t ready to give up and shouted up for Zack. He comes down and stands at the bottom of the stairs and Astrid’s puppet comes to life and begins talking. I was confused and amused and horrified. I have no clue what her puppet was saying, but she was like “come on, Grimm” so I raised my hand up with my puppet sock. My puppet looked pretty cool though, I have to say. It was one of those slipper type socks with the rubbery circle things on the bottom to prevent slipping. I had those circles on the top of my hand so it looked like my puppet had like 12 eyes. I was impressed with myself.
Anyway, I raised my puppet, but he got stage fright and couldn’t speak. Astrid said, “say hi to Zack.” I paused for a moment before saying, “hi Zack” in a stupid puppet voice, and then I was done. I laughed quietly out of embarrassment. Meanwhile, my hand dropped, in effect causing my puppet to hang his head low in shame.
Zack politely said hi to my puppet. He stood there smiling unsure of what to do or how to respond. I got up on my knees and said, “she made me do it.”
Astrid told him he could go back upstairs. He laughed and said ok and was gone.
Ok, and the last thing about this evening that I have to describe and then I’m done is the tin foil wrapped around itself with a sock on its head and a joint. I bought the tin foil for Shaye as a joke Christmas gift because she’s always looking for some, of course to fashion into homemade paraphernalia, implements of pot smoking. Astrid decided she wanted to do the Elf on a Shelf thing with Shaye because they’d never done that, and somehow we decided to do it with the tin foil. We wrapped the tin foil around itself. We gave it a sock hat. I made a cone shaped nose out of wrapping paper. Astrid put tin fringe hair on it and eyes. I rolled a mini joint from the papers Shaye discarded after her failed attempts to roll a proper joint. I burnt the end of it to give it the effect of being lit.
And this was our masterpiece:
We wanted to come up with a name for it and decided it looked like Bob Marley. We came up with tons of names but none of them were suitable.
I said Bob Aluminarley or Alumarley. Since Astrid’s obsessed with the Illuminati for some reason, she said, Bob Aluminati.
Finally, I decided on Tin Marley, though I’m not sure if she’s aware of that. I was trying to think of a way to say it like Elf on a Shelf and thought of Tin Marley on the Scene or Tin Marley in the House.
Tin Marley in da house.
Don’t worry about a tin, ’cause every little tin’s gonna be all right.
I don’t plan on getting high again anytime too soon.
All right, and since it’s Christmas Eve, my theme song for this journal entry is not going to be anything by Bob Marley, but my two favorite Christmas songs. “Merry XMas (War is Over)” by John Lennon, and “The Little Drummer Boy”, the Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band version. Merry Christmas Invisible Journal Reading People.
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