December 6, 2014
I miss Gary Oldman. So I’m going to do a Gary Oldmanism today. But right now I’d like to list Astrid’s strange tendencies. She didn’t play the game that night, but she’s got some tendencies worth documenting, so I’m going to do that here and now.
WALL GRIMM’S LIST OF ASTRID’S STRANGE TENDENCIES
*She’s always talking about shit, as in bowel movements. She talks about when she has to go, when she doesn’t have to go, what the consistency is, what the experience of going was like, and she will even want to have you come look at her accomplishment in the toilet. She has IBS so it’s a huge part of her life that she will share freely. I guess I’m getting to know her inside and out.
*She will eat Burger King and McDonald’s even though she’ll suffer for it later. (see above)
*She drinks only one kind of wine, from a box. She drinks it with an ice cube even though she keeps the box in the fridge. She never finishes a glass, or cup, or mug (see tendency about dishes below). Instead she sips and the ice cube melts and then she tops off the glass and adds another cube. So as she’s walking around with a glass, or cup, or mug…it seems like she’s drinking a lot, but she isn’t really, especially since it’s watered down. She never gets drunk or even buzzed.
*She doesn’t have many dishes, or glasses, or mugs, or silverware. What she has is always in her sink. She hates doing dishes. I don’t blame her there. She cleans them out when she wants to use them, and now and then she does everything that’s in the sink. Sometimes I do them for her. Now and then she’ll throw it all away just to empty the sink. Somehow she accumulates more. She doesn’t own any coffee mugs. I bring her coffee every morning and she always returns the mug I bring the coffee in, mostly I think just to get it out of her sink. Sometimes she uses it for a couple days to drink wine out of before she returns it.
*She likes a clean house though whenever she does housework, especially laundry, it hurts her back. Her decorations are always symmetrical. She’s an organized person yet somehow she loses everything.
*Her car however is a mess. But I imagine it would be hard for her to clean it out, since bending and leaning like that would aggravate her back. I should clean it out for her sometime.
*She is an extremely generous and kind hearted person occasionally to a fault. Some people take advantage or deceive her. She is often hurt by other people, trusting in the goodness of people, or caring about them too much to worry about the consequences of being so invested in helping them.
*When she paints her nails, it takes her an entire day, or days. She constantly adds new coats, then when it’s not perfect, she takes it all off and starts over. Then she complains for days after that it looks bad.
*She’s always running out of toilet paper. (see shit tendency above) I supply her with a roll about every other day. When she buys toilet paper, for some reason she will only buy one roll at a time, instead of buying a whole package. And though it’s an item she needs so much, she will often forget to buy it when she goes to the store. I buy more toilet paper than we need, as I account for supplying some to Astrid.
There’s more, but I’m done with Astrid for now. It’s time for a Gary Oldmanism.
WALL GRIMM’S LORD GARY OLDMANISM
Lord Gary Oldman said:
“There’s 99% crap across pretty much everything. And then there’s that one plateau where I want to be.”
Ok, so that makes sense, but I’m going to analyze it a little.
The definition of crap is:
Shit as in excrement, the act of taking a shit. Then there’s the bullshit aspect of it: nonsense, falsehood, exaggeration. Then I was intrigued by this next definition (because yes I looked up the definition of crap): propaganda. And last but not least, it means trash or junk.
Then I had to look up the definition of propaganda, not because I didn’t know what it is, but in order to thoroughly apply meaning to my Gary Oldmanism. According to dictionary.com, propaganda is:
According to dictionary.com, the definition of plateau is:
Unless if that were the case, and crap were to mean propaganda, I could rephrase what he said and it would go something like this:
“There’s 99% of information which is deliberately intended to harm people across pretty much everything. And then there’s that one period with no growth where I want to be.” Which would mean he is self deprecating. (yes I mean deprecating, not defecating, this version of his statement has nothing to do with excrement)
Or he could have said:
“There’s 99% people shitting across pretty much everything. And then there’s that one land area where I want to be.” If he wanted to avoid getting shit all over himself, or maybe he’s talking about the land area where there’s the most shit and that’s why it’s elevated, if he had a fetish or something.
But obviously Lord Gary Oldman meant:
“There’s 99% bullshit across pretty much everything. And then there’s that one place risen above all that where I want to be.”
Which is pretty cool. I try to take my Gary Oldmanisms and apply them to my life, so we’re going with the latter one here, since it’s reflective of what I believe to be his intended meaning. Lord Gary Oldman is right. There’s so much fucking bullshit in the world, and I also want to be above all that. Of course, it’s different for him being famous and having to deal with media and Hollywood and all that crap, shit, bullshit, junk, nonsense… But for me, I feel I’ve done a pretty good job. The hardest thing for me has been rising above my own bullshit. I’ve bullshit myself, I’ve bullshit other people, my actions have at times stemmed from pure bullshit motivated by bullshit. That’s a lot of bullshit. I’ve had to grow up a lot. I grew up very young, too young, but all that did was make me more immature, if that makes any sense. I was more reckless, fearless, unconcerned about consequence, and self absorbed as a result. I think if you’re forced to grow up early because of family and having to take on an adult role, you mature sooner. But if you are forced to grow up as the result of trauma and circumstances beyond your control at a young age, then you just are sooner aware of the adult world and as a child you’re not equipped to handle it so you think you’re real mature, but you’re just kind of a dangerous monster, mostly to yourself, and you’re set on a path of one bad choice after another since you don’t really care about anything, because it all becomes bullshit. So there’s that kind of bullshit to rise above too, which is more a matter of perspective.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
My theme song for this journal entry is “My Name is Mud” by Primus, because it seems oddly relevant and Astrid likes Primus, as do I.
previous Grimm 216: Bogart and Ashley http://wp.me/p41c99-15P
next Grimm 218: Valentina, Internal Battles, and the Distraction of Jessica Lange http://wp.me/p41c99-16N
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