December 4, 2014
It’s time to tell the Grimm tale of Bogart and Ashley. Things were going fine, but largely based on sex. Problems began as Ashley gradually realized that Bogart was not capable of taking her out on his own. I had to play chauffeur/chaperone a lot of times. Once, I took them to the movies and dropped them off, but waited outside in the parking lot. I had given Bogart money so he could pay for tickets and get snacks. This was a test to see how independent he could be.
Apparently, at one point during the movie, Bogart left the theatre to go to concession for more popcorn. While he was getting popcorn, he decided to spend the rest of the money, which was meant for dinner afterwards, on candy. He never returned to the theatre. Who knows what he was doing, but she finally came out and he was playing a video game with a twelve-year-old.
She was annoyed and they came out early before the movie ended. Good thing I was waiting in the parking lot. She wanted to go home, and on the way to her house, I had to pull over for Bogart to puke since he ate so much candy.
There were a few instances like that, when she was beginning to feel like their time alone together, when not involving sex, was more like she was babysitting him, than dating him.
The last straw was when she was over to watch the 4th season of the “Walking Dead” with us, before the 5th began. She hated that show, but I got the feeling she wanted to spend time with me rather than Bogart. Bogart was getting the same feeling.
So we were watching the show and she was disgusted by the gore, but asking me lots of questions about the characters and plots and stuff. “…Things…stuff…” (credit Rick Grimes). Bogart was getting jealous and told her to go in his bedroom so they could have sex. She said no, she’s watching the show. He began to pace, very agitated, and got more insistent that she go in his room with him. I knew he was feeling jealous so I didn’t want to defend her by telling him to leave her alone, since he could easily get into one of his delusional and paranoid states and I’d rather not turn him against me. Pete felt the same way about it as he remained quiet. But Cola, who Bogart actually does treat like a woman, even though he’s baffled that she’s physiologically a man, has a different rapport with him, and is kind of motherly to him. She told him that a lady has the right to choose what she wants to do.
This stunted him briefly, but it was kinda too late, since his agitation already got him in an irreversible state. He said, “no! she’s mine!” and he grabbed Ashley roughly by the arm, pulled her up off the couch to take her to his room.
That’s when it was time for me to step in, once he got physical with her like that. So I broke her free from his grip and stood in front of her, facing him and said, “you can’t force her to do what she doesn’t want to do and you should never lay your hands on a woman like that,” trying to be as diplomatic as I could be. But he lost it.
He walked away then paced for a second, then walked in circles, in this rage. Meanwhile, Cola got Ashley and told her she was going to take her home. Once they left, Bogart turned and punched me so hard, I flew off my feet, bounced off the coffee table and hit the floor. He broke my nose and aggravated my already damaged brain from the Gangsta. I was completely dazed. Plus hitting the table like that hurt my back.
Bogart went in for more while I was on the ground, but Pete stepped in, even though Bogart terrifies him at times, and said, “Bogart, no one here ever wants to do anything to hurt you. Ever. We’re all on your side.” This seemed to catch Bogart off guard. It’s not something anyone has probably ever said to him in the past when he was raging. He’s never raged on me or any of us, so it was brilliant that that’s what Pete came up with to say. I’m sure in the past others might have said things like, “calm down, stop, don’t do that, he didn’t do anything wrong.” Essentially those words would just be trying to control him, when he’s in an uncontrollable and irrational state, or they would be defending the other person he’s attacking, and that defense would feel to him like a personal attack.
Rather, what Pete said was just a statement of truth that Bogart could recognize and believe, so long as he wasn’t hearing any voices contradicting that. But Pete’s words stunted him, confused him for a minute, then he stormed into his room and slammed the door.
Once Cola got back from driving Ashley home, Pete took me to the hospital just for x-rays but my back was ok, as was my brain which was what I was worried about. I was just very dazed, with a broken nose but there’s nothing you can do about that except clean up the blood. Bogart never came out of his room the few hours that I was at the ER. But Cola had checked on him, speaking through the door to make sure he was ok.
When Pete and I returned home, Bogart must have heard us because he came out immediately. He trotted out stating that Ashley was a “cow” and a “slag” anyway and that I’m a tough bastard but I looked like a “git” because of the bruising around my eyes and nose and the split across the bridge. Then he wanted to watch the “zombie program” some more and basically behaved like nothing happened.
Ashley has never come back and he never mentions her, he only says he wishes he was still having sex and that he wants another girl to have sex with all the time. He’s definitely not heartbroken.
And so that’s the story. Bogart is not cruel or selfish. He’s just kind of like a 2 year-old. The world revolves around him, he applies “mine” to things he wants, people become obstacles when they get in his way and they’re no longer people to him, just walls to break down. His medication seems to keep the voices and delusions away for the most part, or strengthens his ability to ignore them and separate them from himself. But with the 2 year-old mentality and the delusions at work…well the combination can be dangerous. But he’d never hurt someone out of cruelty, he’s not a sociopath, he’s just an innocent. Which is why it’s good he trusts me, then he doesn’t get paranoid. I don’t think he ever had to deal with jealousy over a girl or that possessiveness. It’s something we all feel at times. He just couldn’t handle it.
I didn’t get mad that he hit me, because I understood what he was going through, and I was just an obstacle and a cause as far as he was concerned. So I didn’t feel mad, I felt bad. Bad for Bogart. But I also feel that in the end it was a good experience for him. It was real life bull shit, real life emotions, shit he needs to experience in order to know how to exist in the world. And we talked about it afterwards. I try to address stuff when I know he’s in the right frame of mind to take in important subject matter. I reiterated what Pete said, that none of us would ever do anything purposely to hurt him, but I also told him he needs to respect other people, mostly women, who seem to always be objects in his eyes. Women to Bogart seem to be like some kind of foreign species he can’t figure out but that doesn’t matter to him anyway since he only wants to fuck them. That’s kind of a pubescent mentality. He’s a whole range of ages, none of which are mature. But I’m not one to talk about maturity.
Anyway, my theme song for this journal entry is “Take Me to Church” by Hozier, just because it’s a fucking awesome song.
previous Grimm 215: Grimm’s HyperSynopsis and Apple Bottom, Served with Eggnog http://wp.me/p41c99-15B
next Grimm 217: A Sh*tload About A Lot of Sh*t http://wp.me/p41c99-16b
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