“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 215: Grimm’s HyperSynopsis and Apple Bottom, Served with Eggnog

December 2, 2014

Ok here’s the speediest overview of everything that’s gone on since I stopped writing in my journal:

WALL GRIMM’S HYPERSYNOPSIS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

sex before getting the girlfriend, lack of sex after getting the girlfriend, need for sex, masturbation, girlfriends (me with Solenne and Bogart with Ashley), loss of girlfriend (Bogart), school, studying, homework, Blues Monday, work, “Walking Dead”, “American Horror Story”, Halloween, Bogart’s birthday (he is now 23), unusually hot weather, snow, Thanksgiving, I quit smoking, exercise, Pete got a boyfriend, “The Lego Movie”, singing “Everything is Awesome” nonstop for a week after seeing “The Lego Movie”, buying Bogart Legos after seeing the movie, ordering a Wubble Bubble Ball off the “tele”, causing household damage with the Wubble Bubble Ball, Wubble Bubble Ball explodes, getting sick (me and Cola), Hasty visited (as you know, journal, just adding it in for consistency), computer issues, discovering that Christopher Lee has a heavy metal band (he’s 90-fucking-2!), missing Gary Oldman, missing my journal (don’t get all sappy on me), Bogart recently completed a Peer to Peer class at NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) which helped him learn strategies of living with mental illness, I attended the NAMI annual convention which helped me a lot with regards to supporting Bogart, this list is getting longer than I planned I’ll finish quickly: foliage, hiking, lack of sex, running, need for sex, daylight savings, masturbation, lack of sex (this lack includes hand jobs and blow jobs), lots of kissing, masturbation, blueballs, cold showers don’t help, I hate cold showers, perpetual erection, the need for sex, Wubble Bubble Ball explodes (there’s no connection between the need for sex and the Wubble Bubble Ball exploding, Invisible Journal Reading People have sick minds).

I guess that kind of sums things up a little.  I missed a few things, but whatever, I’ll get to important stuff eventually if I feel like it.

But yeah…getting back into the flow of it…here’s some more stuff with slightly more elaboration:

I’ve been aiming to get healthier so I decided to get a juicer figuring that would be a good thing to do or a way to get started, but I didn’t know where to find one.  I called Job Lot and asked the girl on the phone if they had juicers.  This was the conversation:

“Do you have juicers?”

“What kind of juicers?”

“…….The kind you put fruits and vegetables in and make juice.”

“No we don’t, but we have juice already made.”

(too baffled to respond or even laugh) “……ok, thanks.”

hang up

wtf

Ok so after procuring myself a juicer at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, I decided I needed new running shoes, so I went to Bob’s where I bought myself a pair with memory foam.  Putting those sneakers on is the closest thing I can get to sex these days.  They make me moan and go mmmmmm, man that feels so good.

Contrary to juicing, quitting smoking, running and exercising more, and making a bunch of other healthy choices, I decided that I love eggnog, which is kinda like liquid sex for me lately, and so I’ve been having it in everything.  Coffee, cereal, oatmeal, and other random stuff.

Speaking of lack of sex, Bogart hasn’t had sex since Ashley left him, which is another story for another time, and he’s been looking at me funny lately.  He’s not gay or bi but he accommodates for his own needs.  As he’s said in the past, if he were to close his eyes and do a “bloke” from behind without any extra touching, he wouldn’t know the difference.  I get the idea, but I’m never that desperate.  So one morning during breakfast, I’m in my bikini briefs as I often am while in my own apartment, toasting a muffin, a homemade eggnog muffin, and I get this creepy vibe so I turn to see Bogart with a warped glare in his eyes as he looks me up and down.

“Get that out of your fucking mind, Bogart.”

Cola, who was seated at the table said, “It’s always on my mind, Caballero, but you never stop me.”

“Well I didn’t know that, and you don’t look at me like that.”

“I’m more discrete, of course.  But you should know these things.  What about your psychicisms?”

“I tune them out with daily distractions.”

“You’re a daily distraction.”

Then Pete walked in apparently having heard the entire conversation, “I concur.”

I poignantly expressed, “wtf” then turned around to ignore the presence of these people while I buttered my muffin.

Cola added, “Well you parade around in your tiny little underpants showcasing that nice round Italian apple bottom of yours.”

Pete did a spit take with his coffee.

I left the room with my muffin.

I otherwise deny that conversation existed, but I’m documenting it here now so I can frame Cola one day.  C-O-L-A Cola.

And otherwise, as promised, I’ll be filling people in on everyone’s STRANGE TENDENCIES on occasion.  Since Cola didn’t play, having been sick, I think I’ll make some up for her.  But for now, here are mine:

-I hate the number six for some reason.

-When I’m using the microwave I make the number I’m punching in end in the number seven.  These are the times I often use: 1:47, 2:37, 2:47, :47, :27; then there’s the triple digit times: 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, etc.

-I pick my nose.

-I hate driving around looking for a parking place, so I park far away because I’d rather walk a distance than look for a closer spot.

-I moan when I take a good shit and if it’s a real good one, I will reflect for an hour or longer about how good it felt to take that shit.

-I bite my nails, sometimes after I’ve picked my nose.  But that’s ok, I usually wipe my fingers on my shirt before I put them in my mouth.

-I don’t like to have sex (when I used to have it) or jerk off while Gary Oldman II is in the same room with me.

-When I’m alone and reading, I like to read aloud in an Italian or a Romanian accent.  Sometimes if it’s slow at work and no one’s in the store, I’ll do it then too, until someone comes in.

And I guess that’s it, so until next time, adieu.

My theme song for this journal entry is “The Impossible Dream” by Christopher Lee, of course.

*******

previous Grimm 214: Super Attractive Grimm’s Commentary and Philosophy of Introspection http://wp.me/p41c99-14V

next Grimm 216: Bogart and Ashley http://wp.me/p41c99-15P

 

For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J

Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.

This journal entry features Hasty from https://hastywords.wordpress.com/

 

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Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 211-235 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

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23 thoughts on ““The Journal of Wall Grimm” 215: Grimm’s HyperSynopsis and Apple Bottom, Served with Eggnog

  1. Reblogged this on SageDoyle.

  2. well, I will never get over the image of eggnog being like liquid sex to you… thanks for ruining eggnog for all of us… this is the most subtle of all the attacks made in the war on Christmas…

  3. That conversation about eggnog makes me extremely glad I’ve never liked it…hahaha.

  4. love it!

  5. OK first….eggnog in oatmeal sounds freaking amazing.
    second…PMAO ewww…drooling is never sexy…NEVER…no…
    third… I am laughing at Sage being speechless lol

    • lol a lot of this post is real. Recently I ran out of soymilk and milk, and used eggnog in my stuff, but I didn’t make muffins out of them, though that sounds yummy too. I actually had that exact conversation btw when calling job lot. But I will say, as much as a slob as I can be when I eat or drink, I’ve never drooled and spilled eggnog down my hairy chest ;)

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