December 29, 2014
Well this has been the week of ladies past. I heard from people who seemed to come out of nowhere to send me holiday greetings.
I’m not sure how some of these people got my address but I received cards from Flower and Bob, Lauren, Megan, Shannon, Snow White, and Sweetheart.
Flower and Bob are still living in the old apartment and they wrote that they want me to move back because the person upstairs from them is annoying. I guess they miss me because I was less annoying, which is hard to believe.
Sweetheart sent a card created from paper she made from some kind of vegetation, and wrote a lot of spiritual blessings on it, with no mention of Valentina. There was no return address, but it was postmarked from Arizona, which confirms my suspicions that she’s on the Native American reservation.
Lauren’s card said that she was going to be 18 in a couple of months and would I like to get together with her. Kinda freaky and weird, but I did send a card back which said that yeah we can go somewhere for a cup of coffee or something, but I casually indicated I have a girlfriend.
Megan, aka the drunken maiden, sent me a card which apologized about her parents, her behavior, and thanked me for being a gentleman.
Shannon, aka tits, wants to get together sometime, but I have no intention of responding to her. First, because she’s kind of a manipulative bitch. Second, because she’s too hot and I’m too horny and I have no temptations whatsoever to cheat on Solenne but I’m afraid I might explode.
Snow White said she’d still like to come up to Boston and visit. We’ve texted on and off and she knows I have a girlfriend. She’s a nice girl so I know it would only be as friends that we’d hang out, so maybe we’ll plan something. She also welcomed me to visit her in Florida, she’d get me passes for Disney World, and she said I could bring Solenne.
Then other than the people I see every day or most days, I saw Iona, Paula, Olivia, and Emma.
Iona, Olivia the avant garde perverted kidnapping crazy photographer, and Paula are stories for another time. For now, I’d like to focus the rest of this journal entry on Emma.
On Christmas, Pete went to his parents’, Cola went to her parents’, and Bogart went to his mother’s (which is also a story in and of itself). I went to my parents and I brought Solenne. As usual, there’s a lot of family there during the holidays. Uncle Dan was there. I tried to ignore him and he was tentative around me since I think it was Easter when I punched him in the face. For good reason, but I’m not going to get into that now. Again, the tension of his presence is a whole other story.
Anyway, I wasn’t expecting Emma, I guess she communicated with my mother and wanted to surprise me. I haven’t heard from her since she left. I figured she was busy or maybe resentful since I rejected her attempt to use me for sexual experience so she could be ready for the guys in Spain. She had returned home for a couple weeks over the holiday and arrived at my parents’ house Christmas night. It was a record breaking warm night, raining on and off, and when Emma arrived, Solenne and I were standing outside on the back patio. Emma went in through the front door, I guess, and was directed out to where we were. When she walked out, Solenne and I were kissing.
I sensed someone there, stopped and looked to see Emma with a combination of shock and embarrassment smeared across her face. She said, “I’m sorry,” and took off back inside.
It was weird but when I saw her, it almost felt to me as if I had been cheating on her or something. I felt guilty as if I had been deceptive. I’ve been wicked into Solenne, pretty much had forgotten about Emma. Mostly I think because I was finally able to let go of the dream. But when I saw her, I got so confused. Then her reaction to my kissing Solenne was perplexing. Emma’s feelings about me have never been clear, except before I revealed how I felt about her. Before that, we were just best friends. Once she knew I was in love with her, things got really complicated. She’s rejected me numerous times, and other times confused me with her motivations. It was painful, but still a relief, when she left for Spain and I finally resolved myself to let her go.
After she ran back into the house, I called to her. Then I said to Solenne, “excuse me,” and I went in after her. I felt like I wanted to be alone with her just to be able to talk without the awkwardness of our history making Solenne uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to be rude or disrespectful to Solenne. I’m with her now, so she needs to be my priority. She actually tells me what she wants and how she feels, not like Emma who plays games. I don’t believe that Emma ever intentionally played games. I think she was just conflicted and unsure because she had big life plans and I was an unexpected opportunity/obstacle/temptation/disruption…
…whatever. I understand that, but I moved on.
When I got to her in the house, I took her by the arm. She turned and said she was sorry and that she should have told me she was coming. I said, “no, it’s a surprise.” Which is a polite way of saying, ‘you made my heart drop when I saw you, I’m still in love with you, and I’m about to pass out because all the blood in my head went to my dick which was already hard enough.’ Then the fleeting last thought, ‘you fucking bitch, don’t distract me from Solenne, I’m happy now.’
Anyway, I took her out to meet Solenne and they got along well, though I never saw Emma exhibit such insecurity before. They spoke some French, which sucked because I didn’t understand much at all, and I knew they were talking about me, and I never found out what they were saying except Solenne later told me it was all “nice things, and some funny things.”
Yeah there’s a lot of reasons to laugh at me. I’m just that kind of guy.
The evening progressed and we all had a good time. I had a guilty satisfaction that Emma seemed hurt and jealous, and a little disoriented that I wasn’t internally pining for her but was rather obviously devoted to Solenne. I don’t ever want to see Emma hurt, of course. It just made me feel good about myself that I could show her that I’m a man who can move on with dignity, and not a hopeless brokenhearted boy clinging to a fantasy.
Emma left before we did, and it was sad to see her go. That was the moment when I realized how much I missed her, and would continue to miss her, and how intensely she causes my heart to beat.
No theme song today, because the silence is a reflection of the part of me that will forever be empty without Emma.
previous Grimm 221: Nothing Else is Salsa http://wp.me/p41c99-17O
next Grimm 223: Iona, Olivia, & Paula http://wp.me/p41c99-18w
For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J
Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.