September 4, 2014
Well it’s been almost a month since I journaled and I don’t have an excuse, but I’ll offer some up anyway. There were birthdays, which I never mention birthdays, but yeah, Pete’s, my mom’s, and Sharly’s birthdays are all in September. Solenne came back, but I’ve only seen her once since she returned from England, because I just went camping for a week, which is what I’m going to write about today. Also, I registered for classes, I’ll document that another day, classes start today, and I bought the books, and…yeah, I guess I just haven’t felt like journaling any of that. I never finished part II of my story about the drunken maiden either, but I’ll get to that sometime. It’s not like this amazing tale or anything, nothing to anticipate.
All right, anyway…my name is Wall Grimm and I went camping.
WALL GRIMM’S OUTDOOR ADVENTURE
I wanted to take Bogart camping because he’s never been. He pretty much has never done anything in his life. Obviously I figured it would be best if I didn’t camp alone with him, so I tried to think of who could join. I didn’t want to take girl friends because he’d just sexually harass them and/or fuck them. I didn’t want to take my friends that are guys because I figured Bogart would drive them nuts. So it came down to Cola and Pete, since they’re roomies, they’re used to him. Pete’s been camping with me before so he was all right. Cola, however, has never been and was reluctant to go, insisting she was an indoor girl. But Pete, Bogart, and I coerced her into going. Gary Oldman (II) came too, of course. She’s my sidekick.
We had two tents, since we only got one campsite, that’s all that usually fits on a campsite. I have an eight person tent which really fits about 4 people comfortably. I think by an eight person tent they mean that eight people can stand in there. Yeah, they can stand. A tent you can stand in is pretty cool. Anyway, none of us wanted to all squeeze into one tent, especially Cola who said it would be “really smelly because men smell.” That comment baffled Bogart, he said, “wot?…but ya…but…ya…but….wot??” He is irreparably confused about Cola. C-O-L-A Cola.
This was how we decided tent mates:
1. Cola wanted to sleep with me because she said I’m the only one who wouldn’t try to fuck her.
2. Pete wanted to sleep with me because he said I’m the only one who wouldn’t try to fuck him.
3. Bogart didn’t care who he slept with, but he would probably try to fuck any one of us.
4. I wanted my own tent.
5. Pete denied Cola’s comment.
6. Cola denied Pete’s comment.
7. Bogart denied none of it.
8. I wanted my own tent.
9. Cola wanted to sleep with me because she wanted a man to protect her while we slept in the middle of the woods.
10. Bogart got confused.
11. Pete wanted to sleep with me because…well, because he’s gay.
12. Bogart got even more confused. He either didn’t know that Pete’s gay, or he forgot.
13. I said I’d just sleep under the stars.
But in the end I slept with Bogart, leaving Pete and Cola as tent mates. And there was no sex, because…
1. Pete and Cola aren’t each other’s types. They just give each other shit.
2. Bogart’s not gay, but makes exceptions when he’s horny enough, though he’s too insane for Pete, and too young and insane for Cola.
3. I’m straight, ’nuff said.
So that was the situation once we got to the campsite, then we set up the tents. Pete was teaching Cola, and I taught Bogart. Bogart’s not really a good student. He’s impulsive and he doesn’t listen. The tent was kind of being tossed all over the place, while Gary Oldman (II) sat on the sidelines, dumbfounded and shaking her head. Then Bogart accidentally snapped one of the poles. I didn’t have a tent repair kit with me because I was stupid and forgot, however I did have an essential camping item: DUCT TAPE. No not that duck shit with all the colors and patterns that everyone’s making flower pots and neckties out of. I’m talking the real deal, the stuff real men use, the hardcore adhesive used by the military in World War II. You can build a fall out shelter or a jet liner with that shit, not just a wallet or a prom dress. So I fixed the pole with that, but yeah, the pole was no longer pliable so we had a kind of abstract version of a dome tent. Cola said it looked bigger than it should and it was leaning and crooked. Bogart said, “like me willy! bwahahahaahahahaaaa!” Cola said that maybe she would be his tent mate after all. C-O-L-A Cola.
Nobody ‘raised’ the subject of ‘tenting’, in a colloquial sense, though it would have ‘fit in nicely’ at that point, so I’m sure we all thought it. I’m pointing out innuendo because I’m juvenile.
But yeah…that was just setting up. We were there for a week. Needless to say, it wasn’t my typical commune with nature kind of camping trip. But we had a good time. Bogart had a great time, so for me that was rewarding. It feels good to be able to give him the opportunity to live a normal life, and not feel like a criminal or a patient, and not be considered a nuisance or a hopeless cause. I’m sure I’m not the only one in the world who could be that person for Bogart. There’s got to be others. But so far, I’m the first one who has stepped up to the task and took it on. And Pete and Cola help a lot. We make a great team on behalf of him. I feel pretty good about myself because of that. And I like my collection of allies. I tend to be a loner mostly. I have a lot of friends that I never see or I only see sporadically. I’ve always had one or two people that I focused on at a time and saw regularly, balanced with a lot of solitude.
And usually I get that sense of solitude in nature as well. But not so much this trip, though Bogart had us laughing a lot. One night we just did burgers and dogs for supper. Mine were veggie, since I’m vegetarian, as I’ve said before. Keep with the program, Invisible Journal Reading People, do I have to spell everything out for you? That’s both a rhetorical and an ironic question, as well as it implies delusions of grandeur that I imagine invisible people are invested in the details of my life. Anyway…
We were cooking dogs and burgers over the fire, when Bogart’s hot dog caught fire. And since he seemed to have only recently learned that Pete’s gay, he said that the wiener was flaming, “like Pete’s willy! bwahahahahahahahaahahaaahaa!”
I think I’ll just end there.
My theme song for this entry is “Oi Oi Oi” by the Cockney Rejects. Just fucking because. Oi.
previous Grimm 205: Teetotaling Grimm and the Drunken Maiden http://wp.me/p41c99-12o
next Grimm 207: Brief Boringness, Undulating Brain Waves, and Grimm’s Philosophy of Attraction http://wp.me/p41c99-13m
For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J
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