July 18, 2014
Last night I went to dinner with Iona, then went back to her place. We fucked and while we were lying in bed after, we had a conversation about Bogart, because I decided that I need to try and get him laid. His sex drive is so built up he’s going to explode if he doesn’t get some release.
I don’t usually document entire conversations in my journal because it’s impossible to write verbatim what was said, but I’ll do it today, with the suspension of disbelief in terms of accuracy, because the gist is legit. And here it is:
“I need to get Bogart laid.”
“Shouldn’t be difficult.”
“Well, he’s aggressive. A girl can’t change her mind. Not with him.”
“You can make sure she’s safe.”
“What am I supposed to do, sit and watch?”
“You’d like that wouldn’t you.”
“No but you would.”
“Pervert. So do you have any friends who’d go with him?”
“How come I never meet any of your friends?”
“Yeah, not since Shannon.”
“Shannon. You don’t know Shannon. Seriously?”
I said nothing.
“You only had sex with her.”
“You don’t even know her name?”
“Did you have her name in your contacts?”
“How did you identify her?”
I bit my lip. Literally. I opened my mouth to speak then I bit down on my lip because it was a better idea not to answer.
“You added her to your contacts as ‘tits’.”
She glared at me.
“Well I didn’t know her name.”
“You could’ve put, ‘Iona’s friend’.”
“Yeah, I didn’t think of that.”
“Because you were thinking of her boobs.”
“It was just a way to identify her.”
“You’re the pervert.”
“She’s the pervert. I told you about it, and I don’t know, I do my best to be honest and respect you.”
“Well, how about I have sex with Bogart?”
“Seriously? Wtf are you joking?”
“No I’m serious.”
“But…but that’s not cool.”
“Why not, you had sex with one of my friends.”
“But it was a mistake and she tormented me to do it. She came onto me and was being all provocative and shit. I didn’t invite her over. I didn’t initiate that. She instigated it. And I told you about it.”
“I know. I’m just messing with you. But, I mean, I’m not your girlfriend. We can sleep with other people. We agreed.”
“I know that’s your argument, but friends are crossing boundaries. Shannon manipulated me. I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. She was like walking around half naked and…you know what she did. Sex is kinda one of my addictions.”
“You’re so defensive. You must be guilty.”
“So now you don’t trust me around your friends.”
“No, I don’t trust my friends around you.”
“What’s the difference?”
“They might get all provocative and shit.”
I didn’t say anything. I was getting pissed off.
I got up to put my pants on.
“You’re not leaving are you?”
“I need a smoke.”
I put on my jeans and Eastwood and she threw on a little dress without putting on her bra or underwear underneath, which was sexy and I was tempted to fuck her again right then and there, but I was annoyed so I needed a smoke first. We went outside with Gary Oldman (II) because I still take her just about everywhere with me, and I lit a cigarette.
“Why don’t you just let Bogart do you up the backside.”
“You’d like if he did, wouldn’t you.”
“Man on man is sexy.”
“Change of subject.”
“Like ‘Brokeback Mountain’, Cowboy.”
I shook my head.
“You said he offered.”
“Yeah I don’t want to talk about that.”
“You said he said that if he bent you over, he wouldn’t know the difference.”
“He doesn’t know how hairy your ass is.”
“It’s not that hairy.”
“How do you know? You look at your ass in the mirror??”
“I’m just gonna shut up.”
“Nope. No I don’t.”
“Show me an Italian man and I’ll show you a hairy ass.”
“You have a hairy ass too?”
“Omg shut up.” She laughed, embarrassed.
“What, you do? Really?”
“Nooo, shut up. You should know I don’t, you’ve seen it.”
“Yeah that’s right. But I don’t know if you shave your ass.”
“Shut up.” Laughing more.
“You shave your ass, don’t you.”
“Shut up.” She laughed and pushed me.
“All right, back on track, any friends for Bogart? It’s got to be someone who knows from the start that it’s going to end in sex, and would be ok with that.”
“I don’t know any escorts or anything.”
“Come on be serious.”
“Get him a hooker.”
“No fucking way.”
“I want him to have a nice girl.”
“Nice girls don’t go on dates specifically for sex.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, unfortunately I do.”
“Because it’s jaded.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because I’m thinking like a man.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing, never mind. What about your friend Ayla?”
“Because you don’t want to share her.”
I didn’t respond.
“That hurts you know.”
“No, it’s just that, say she comes over, he’s going to expect to be with her, and…I don’t know.”
“Then you won’t get to have her.”
“No. It’s hard to explain.”
“What, you don’t think she can make her own choice? She can’t go over and choose either you or him, depending on her mood? Or choose not to have sex at all? She has to go with Bogart because you’re giving her to him like a gift?”
“No, no, that’s not what I mean. And she definitely makes her own choices. I never initiate that either.”
“You’re afraid she’ll choose Bogart over you.”
“Nope. Stop twisting things.”
“You want to keep me all to yourself, and Ayla all to yourself, and we’re expected to not have our own opinions on that.”
“Wtf Iona, I just said…it’s not like that…are you fucking with me?”
“Partly. But I kind of feel that way now.”
“I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t do anything purposely to hurt you.”
“So did you have sex with Ayla when you went camping? Did she give you one of her famous blow jobs?”
I didn’t answer.
“Iona…you know I sleep with her sometimes. You and I are not in a relationship like that. You were ok with that.”
“I think suddenly I’m not ok with it anymore.”
“So what does that mean.”
“I don’t know.”
“We don’t have to have sex you know.”
“I didn’t want to after we broke up. I didn’t want this.”
“We can just be friends.”
“I don’t even remember when I changed my mind.”
“We can be strictly friends, no sex, if you think sex is making things difficult.”
“What’s the matter?” I put my hand on her back.
“I want you. I want you all to myself. I don’t want to share anymore.”
Then she fell into my arms and began to cry. And I felt like an asshole. I didn’t do anything wrong, but I felt like an asshole. I’m not her boyfriend, we have no commitment, we’re both free to sleep with other people. And since I don’t go out drinking, and I’m working all the time, then there’s school, and now I’m kind of a guardian to Bogart, it’s pretty rare that I sleep with anyone besides Iona. I don’t even see Ayla that much.
Explaining myself seemed impossible without misinterpretation. She threw in all this subtext and hidden meaning. It got all twisted around. Casual sex sucks when it’s not a one night stand. I think it’s impossible to have an open relationship. Except for Ayla. But if I saw Ayla as much as I see Iona, and slept with her as much, I think Ayla would probably begin to think these things too.
While Iona was crying, I brought her inside. We lied down on her bed and I held her until she stopped crying. I didn’t know what to say. It’s hard to console someone when you feel like the enemy. She cried for like at least a half an hour, but once she stopped she said she didn’t want to talk about it anymore that night, so we just stayed in bed quietly until we fell asleep.
My theme song is “It’s Been A While” by Staind.
previous Grimm 196: Confusing People and New Flatmates http://wp.me/p41c99-Zu
next Grimm 198: Bogart the Psychotic Acrobat http://wp.me/p41c99-104
For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J
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