July 31, 2014
I have a few things to talk about today. My next entry I’ll discuss the tri-couple date. I guess that makes it a triple date. A double date should be called a quadruple date, since there’s four people. Our date should be called a sextuple. But that gives the wrong idea about the date. So I’ll just call it a triple, which has good connotations in baseball anyway, which has its own connotations for sex. I’ll stop myself there.
My name is Wall Grimm and here are a few brief stories:
WALL GRIMM’S RECAP ON THE JOURNAL WRITING INTERLUDE
1. I’m not only supplying Astrid with smokes, wine, and toilet paper, but I’ve also begun to buy her chocolate. She doesn’t want it at her place because she says she’ll eat it… …though that’s the point. It’s at my place and she texts whenever she’s fiending. I’m doing this for two reasons. First, she spilled M&M’s outside of her car one day, and later that night she went out to eat them off the ground. After eating some, she went inside to get a flashlight to find the rest and returned to see they were covered in ants. Protein. Next thing she did was dig through her trash for Dunkin’ Donuts munchkins she’d thrown away. Here’s a woman who takes desperate measures to consume chocolate when she has a craving. I’ve decided to be her supplier to prevent her from armed robbery over an Almond Joy.
2. Astrid, Cola, Pete, Bogart, and I had a fire pit going Monday night. I was in a strange mood and the fire was huge so I stood before everyone with the fire in front of me and declared, “I am the Lizard King! I can do anything!” It’s one of my favorite quotes, and it’s by Jim Morrison, who keeps invading my journal. Anyway, this inspired Bogart. He jumped up, shoved me out of the way, punched me in the face and shouted, “No! I am the Lizard King! An’ I can do anyfing! Ya cunt!” I retaliated by shoving him down to the ground and punching him in the face a couple times, then we had a mini brawl that Astrid yelled for us to stop. But I was annoyed because this was after Bogart and I talked and he had agreed not to hit me in the face anymore because I’m tired of walking around looking beat up all the time. He’s also not supposed to hit me in the stomach unexpectedly because I don’t want any internal damage or to die like Houdini.
3. Saturday before I went to work, we were cleaning because I wanted the place presentable in case anyone came home with us after the date on Sunday. Bogart was vacuuming. He’d never used a vacuum before. At one point he had just the tube to get in a corner or something, and he discovered the suction qualities of the vacuum on his pant leg. He began putting it on other parts of his clothing, then he went at my shirt with it. He was very entertained. Then he undid his pants and pulled them down. I was like, “no, man, don’t put that on your dick.” He said ok, put it on his testicle, and began hollering and panicking when he couldn’t get it off. I unplugged the vacuum. He started whining about how now one of his testicles was “longer” than the other and that they were uneven. He kept asking me to look and confirm it. I didn’t look but I was just like, “no they’re the same.” He plugged the vacuum in, suctioned the other one, then unplugged the vacuum again. He said, “there, ‘at’s be’a!”
Now I’ll describe the Friday beach trip with me, Astrid, and Bogart. First thing I had to do when we got there was take him to the men’s room so he could jerk off. As we were driving around looking for a parking place, the amount of hot girls in bikinis was too much for him. He’s getting better though, since he announced in the car that he needed “a wank” without just doing it. After that I instructed him to keep his sunglasses on and ogle discretely without saying anything, and that he’d probably get more attention himself that way, since he is an attractive guy. Basically I was advising him to not act like such a goofball, but not in those words. As a result he did get attention, and phone numbers. I avoided the women myself for two reasons. 1. Astrid’s cool to hang with. I also didn’t want to be rude. Plus my presence deterred any attention that she didn’t want. 2. I didn’t want distractions from Solenne. I officially met her the day before, and our date was to be on Sunday. I was only thinking of her.
Bogart was good and didn’t grope any of them. He’s a fast learner, and he’s great at mimicking behavior, such as when he sees how I behave with girls. He was talking to about 5 girls at once, at one point. His accent is a magnet. As an experiment I went up to them all and said hello, introducing myself as Valente, in my mock Italian accent, and they were all like “oooh, an Italian man.” They literally said that. One girl even put her hand on my chest and said she loved chest hair it’s so manly. Then I had to go away, since I was in the speedo shorts I got with Hasty, an erection would’ve been obvious.
Later along the boardwalk, we went to the Cascade Café, where Astrid ordered a “penis colada”. That’s actually what she said to the waitress. Bogart thought that was hysterical. He wanted to drink but I wouldn’t let him because of his medication, and he accepted that because I can’t drink either. Astrid was like, “oh yeah!” and told me then I can drive home, since she drove there. We took her convertible.
While we were on the upper patio at the café, Bogart noticed the water slides and wanted to try them. I went down with him and he went on it repeatedly until he threw up because he only ate tons of fried dough the whole day.
Back to the beach, we finally went in the ocean, since Bogart was too busy talking to girls before. It took him a while to get in since the water was cold he said it hurt his bollocks. But it wasn’t long before he was jumping the waves and having fun, yet still distracted by girls. He’s got no concept of age appropriateness, I’ve learned. Some of those girls, who are clearly very young to me, maybe 14ish, they’ve got the bodies of 18+ year olds and Bogart can’t tell the difference, so I had to explain to him to be careful about that.
Two more things:
Bogart joined a group of about 5 kids ages ranging from 5 – 12, and built an elaborate sand castle. At first his approach to the kids kind of freaked the moms out, but I told them he was harmless, he’s never been to the beach before, and since the kids were building the castle near their moms, they were able to supervise, and realize he was essentially like a kid himself.
Bogart almost got a tattoo, but I discouraged him against it until he could pick something meaningful. At the time, his sense of meaningful was an image of a girl with big tits that he saw on the tattoo artists’ wall. I told him that’s not really a good idea.
My theme song is by Flight of the Concords, “We’re Both in Love with a Sexy Lady” because I think, if not for my interest in Solenne, Bogart and I would have the potential to go after the same girls. I’m not used to the competition, which is probably why I don’t even bother. I instantly resign and allow Bogart all the opportunity. Maybe I’m being a good wing man, or maybe my ego is unconsciously concerned that some women would choose Bogart over me and I don’t want to find out if that’s true, so I’d rather not have to face it. Very bizarre in psychological terms once you start getting into the unconsciousness of the ego.
previous Grimm 201: Grimm Meets a Girl http://wp.me/p41c99-11j
next Grimm 203: Master of Stating the Obvious & Grimm in Love http://wp.me/p41c99-11R
For a list with links to all the previous journal entries go to: http://wp.me/P41c99-J
Check out the Character Directory Pages to learn about characters mentioned in each post.