March 7, 2013
Howard’s granddaughter Edie came to visit Howard and Daisy the other day. She came with her mom. At the time, Howard and I were sitting in his living room and having one of our conversations. He’s a great guy to talk to, but sometimes it’s annoying because he tries to give me advice. I know he’s got age and experience over me, but I kind of like to figure things out for myself. Also, most of the things he says I’ve already thought of, maybe I just haven’t put them into action. No matter what, I like our conversations, that usually start of silently, then a word or two gets thrown in, then words gradually get added, until we’re actually saying shit.
When Edie and her mom arrived, Howard and I had just started talking about him and his life for once, which was really interesting. He usually asks me questions about mine and I’m kind of vague. Needless to say, I was disappointed when the conversation had to end. They arrived and I went outside for a smoke, then went downstairs to my place. Not long after that, Edie came knocking on my door.
She asked why I left and I told her that it’s a family thing going on up there. She said that Howard, whom she referred to as Grampa, considered me to be family. Well that’s cool. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if Howard even likes me. Then I said that I bet he doesn’t want me talking to her though. She laughed and kissed me. When she stopped, she gave me this smile that I translated as “let’s fuck” but yeah, I could’ve been wrong about that. I started kissing her more and she began rubbing my dick and squeezing my balls over my pants. I got really hard. Then she stopped and said, “I should go back upstairs. See you later.” I wanted to say hey wait a minute, get back here, but then I figured if it went further, Howard would either come down and catch us or find out somehow. Then he’d kick me out. Plus, I don’t beg. I think she just wanted to tease me though. She wanted me to believe something was going to happen so I’d get all hot and bothered. wtf. wtf about Edie and wtf about Howard. I have no philosophies about that, but I’m going to try and figure it out.
My name is Wall Grimm and these are my unformed philosophies:
WALL GRIMM’S PHILOSOPHIES ABOUT GIRLS WHO TEASE AND WHY HOWARD LIKES ME BUT DOESN’T LIKE ME.
I think girls like when they get a guy all ready to go and then stop because then the guy becomes debilitated in many ways and is transformed into this mass of mindless jelly and sexually induced brainlessness. Then the girl has the ability to dictate the situation, with any decent guy that is. Non-decent guys will not be able to control themselves. But I think most girls have a sense of which guys are safe to use this power against. I’m one of those guys. So they get the guy to the point that there’s a fine line between remaining in control and pure Neanderthal. There is a fraction of thought left which keeps control on one side. On the other side, the mindlessness is all about physiological gratification. So they leave you on the brink of that, and then the only words you can say are “but, wait, hey, but, but, but, hey, b-b-bblll-blbblbbbb”. And they laugh because they’ve metamorphosed a once cool and confident guy into an erect penis which just stands there like an idiot with one goal in mind, and completely incapable of charming his way in her pants or making any sense. The girls like that, I think, because it makes them either feel good about themselves, or they’re just amused by it. In Edie’s case I think it amused her. That makes me think she’s a bitch. Because it’s not funny. Not nice. And the thing about it in my case in particular is that once sex comes into play, or the prospects of it, there goes all my psychicisms and intuitions. I’m like a piece of wood in more ways than one.
My thoughts on Howard are that he likes me, sees himself in me, but maybe too much for him to want me near his granddaughter. He doesn’t want to think of her getting involved with a guy like me, who doesn’t completely have his shit together yet, and who also has his intentions for another girl in the end. Simple as that.
And yeah those are lame philosophies, but whatever.
So she left me down there, almost too horny to jerk off if that makes any sense. But I had to do it. And I hate jerking off around Gary Oldman (II) because she jumps on the bed and gets fascinated by the whole process. If I have the blankets covering me, she tries to attack whatever’s moving beneath the blanket. Then I have to go finish in the bathroom because that’s just weird and distracting.
But this day she was occupied with one of my socks that she was pouncing on and running around with in her mouth, so I stayed on the bed and of all people Emma called during it. There’s no way I’m ignoring a call from Emma. She reminded me that her birthday’s coming up and she wanted to invite me to go to her family’s house for cake. This amazed me. I mean, I always saw Emma on her birthday, except for last year, I was so fucked up at this time last year, and that was after the Valentine demolition and everything. But anyway, so I was just like “ohh yeah” as in both surprise and in ecstasy as I couldn’t help but continue what I was doing somewhat while hearing Emma’s voice. She was like, “are you ok?” “yeah why?” “you sound out of breath. were you working out?” “yeah, that’s what I’m doing” yeah I’m working it real hard Emma.
Not my fault so shut up invisible people.
I slowed down though, and waited until we hung up for me to cum. See, I have respect.
Anyway, so this journal entry is about mixed emotions I guess: pissed off, annoyed, and sexually frustrated because of Edie; annoyed, offended, and disparaged by Howard, (disparaged, good word); and sexually frustrated, disparaged, and yet encouraged because of Emma. Encouraged because maybe we’ll be friends like we used to be. In the end if I can’t have her, at least I’d settle for that.
My name is Wall Grimm and I am pissed off, annoyed, offended, disparaged, sexually frustrated, yet amazingly hopeful. It’s just a way of life.
And so, based on this, my theme song is “Kiss Off” by the Violent Femmes.
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