February 11, 2014
I showed up at Cassidy’s Friday night as planned. She wanted me to wear my kilt so I had to go back to Pete’s to get it since I left some stuff there. I saw Sweetheart and she was really glad to see me. I figured she would have left. I don’t know why she’s stayed. She’s why I left. Not because of anything to do with her, but because I look at her and I think of Valentina. Then another part of my soul crumbles away and I am rendered incapable of movement. That applies to both physical and cognitive movement. I just become thoroughly debilitated and deeply depressed. So when I first saw her, my first reaction was a need to break down and cry. It would have been the kind of crying that no consolation could soothe. Or I would have held the tears in and just fragmented inside, making me a zombie again. But I held on and we talked. I could tell she suffered in a similar way. That of course triggered my compassion. I didn’t raise the subject of Valentina though, because then she’d fall apart. So we talked about little things, trivial stuff. We never really talked much before.
I went back to Howard’s and got ready to go to Cassidy’s and I finally put the necklace on with Valentina’s ashes. It was difficult but I felt ready I guess. The vial rests against my chest over my heart. I felt like she was with me but I wanted to hold her, rock her, sing to her, talk to her. I wish I could even just hear her cry again, and the breath in her lungs would come out in a thrash so that I could comfort her and know she lives. Obviously that will never happen again, but with the necklace, I feel like a part of my own being has returned to me, almost like I could never have been complete without it.
Anyway, I went to Cassidy’s and when she let me in there were a total of 10 girls there. It was a sorority. wtf. I thought we had a kind of date so I had no idea what was going on. It turned out that they were there to meet me, get my autograph and get photographed with me. wtf. All because of that stupid video. I’m not famous, I’m no celebrity, I was caught on video with my kilt blowing up and slamming ice cream onto my balls in my attempts to keep it down. And as I’ve said, these little things about the internet are why I don’t like it, because I didn’t post that, it’s like I had no say in the matter, but whatever, I just resolved myself to it. Now I had a sorority of girls asking me to lift up my kilt. I felt like the entertainment at a bachelorette party or something. A couple years ago, I’d probably have been high on something and I would have drunk with them, and signed autographs even though that’s stupid, and got my picture taken with them, and maybe even lifted up my kilt, and then try to have sex with all of them. But not now in my life. Who is this new Grimm guy that I’ve become? This serious, brooding, easily annoyed mature guy who can’t joke around anymore. It’s like my brain is stuck in what the fuck mode all the time.
I guess I was just pissed off because I felt set up. She didn’t give me an honest idea about what to expect when I went there. She could have told me her friends would be there and wanted to meet me, but she didn’t. I mean, yeah ok it was kinda cool to get that kind of attention, and it’s a boost of the ego to be treated like a celebrity I guess. But still, she could have told me. I went in there and instantly they started with their smartphones snapping pictures of me and jumping next to me to be in the pictures. I didn’t even have time to register what was happening. There’s a better way they could have approached this to get what they wanted. And here’s how:
My name is Wall Grimm, and this is how to make a sucker out of me.
THE METHOD TO GET WALL GRIMM TO DO WHAT YOU WANT
1. Tell me what you want before you impose it on me so I don’t feel set up.
2. Flatter me enough to make me horny. Then my brain has less control and I’m more easily suckered into things.
3. ummmm maybe it’s as simple as just 1. and 2.
4. If 3. isn’t the case, then use your feminine wiles to charm me. That is kind of like flattering me, but flattering me is mostly about me, whereas charming me involves the girl’s appeal. And oh yeah, that reminds me, this list is just for women, because:
5. An indication that I might get laid in the deal could help.
6. If I don’t get laid in the deal, don’t let me think that there’s not a possibility for that, lead me on if you have to.
Now this list is just for things I wouldn’t normally do or even come close to resolving myself to do. Otherwise, I tend to be a natural sucker when it comes to women. As far as men are concerned, they can’t get me to do something I don’t want to do.
I will do favors for people, help people out, but I don’t have to be conned to be a decent friend. That’s different. But this situation…
I got rushed by the girls and–oh yeah, here’s the thing. The Grimm I was two years ago was not the Grimm with a brain injury from the Gangsta, so people have to keep in mind that when I’m taken by surprise, I get kind of disoriented at first as it takes extra time to process the situation. So yeah, I get rushed, photographed, asked for autographs, and got confused. I thought they had to believe I was someone else. Plus, I thought I was going to be alone with Cassidy. So before I knew it, everyone had gotten a photo with me or videoed me and already posted it somewhere–fb, tumblr, instagram, grimmthewtfsucker.com, etc. Then the papers and pens came out for autographs. I was like no way at first because it just felt stupid since I’m not famous. Signing would have indicated a level of vanity that even I’m not capable of. But they pestered me so I said whatever and did it arbitrarily while I tried to talk to Cassidy over their voices. She looked horrified, and I knew she didn’t expect it to be like this, so I immediately forgave her.
But then they were asking me to lift up my kilt so they can pose with me that way. wtf. Again, the other Grimm guy might not have cared, but I’m trying to be the kind of man Emma wants, so I don’t want my junk plastered virally. There’s a pun in there, just look for it Invisible Journal Reading People. Do I have to spell everything out for you?
So I was like nooo, but they were kind of following me around the room trying to lift up my kilt as I had one hand holding down the front and the other hand holding it down in back. Then they said come on, have a beer, relax. Then I told Cassidy if she wants to hang out alone sometime to let me know, and I left.
And now I’m not the wild and fun Grimm, I’m the buzz kill Grimm with a stick up his ass. There’s no pun in there, take my word for it. But whatever. In retrospect it was flattering and ego boosting, but it just happened too fast. I couldn’t process it until after I left. I was only there about 15 minutes and that’s no exaggeration. And I’m pretty sure some of them got up-kilt shots but whatever. I’m not modest, I don’t give a shit really. Buzzkill Grimm is the new guy in town and I’m not sure if I like him. Gunslinger Grimm needs to run him out. It’s time for a showdown.
No theme song today, just a theme scene from “A Fistful of Dollars” with Clint Eastwood, because my name is Wall Grimm and “my mule don’t like people laughing.”
previous Grimm 160: Living With Howard, Assholes, Technology, Girls, & Pheromone Phenomenon http://wp.me/p41c99-xJ
next Grimm 162: Spam, Terminator Penis, “Walking Dead”, & Valentine’s Day http://wp.me/p41c99-zo
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