December 15th, 2013
Whenever Bogart is otherwise occupied, or passed out from excessive speaking, I take the opportunity to sit with the brilliant poet girl whose name I learned is Kristin. I’m kind of amazed that I’m willing to listen to her talk after having Bogart going on all day long every fucking day. Compared to him, she seems quiet. She has a quiet voice but she speaks fast. She has inspired me even further to begin my novel. I’ve drafted it all out. I haven’t been able to read much since Bogart arrived. He follows me around and talks to me even when I’m sitting there with my face in a book. Hopefully I’ll be able to write. He doesn’t follow anyone else around like that.
He’s beginning to drive some people nuts though, which is a weird way of putting it, I know. One woman screams at the top of her lungs occasionally, “shut up! shut up! just shut up!” Then he goes to talk to her to ask her what’s wrong, is she ok, and he hovers over her until she goes into fetal position. Then he laughs and says, “blimey! she’s a bit mental, yeah? I can’t ‘elp ‘er.”
The staff seldom involve themselves and there are varying degrees of mental illness. Some people are more violent than others. One guy is constantly trying to grope me and often will stick his hands down his pants and masturbate in the common room. Sometimes he tells me to come sit by him while he’s doing it, fucking freak. And Bogart is always right there pointing out every little quirk each patient has. Sounds like an asshole thing to do, but he’s not trying to be an asshole.
One thing I found out about Bogart is that he has no one really. He only has his mother, who is his legal guardian, though he’s 22. For some reason he wasn’t seen as being fit to make decisions for himself. I don’t know any details about his problems, his diagnosis, or why he’s here. But his mother committed him and didn’t come on Saturday when we could have visitors. When Iona, Sharly, and Pete came to visit, since I can only get a few visitors at a time, Bogart came in and sat with us and talked the entire time to them. That was fine with me, let me off the hook. I’m beginning to feel really bad for him though, because I don’t know how he could ever function in life, as I make more observations about it. He’s easily distracted and jumps from one subject to the next. Sometimes he gets agitated with his own thoughts and becomes obsessed with retracing how he got to any number of subjects. Mostly he just disregards when people are hostile towards him, but now and then he says in all seriousness that he will kill them if they don’t shut the fuck up. That makes them back off. Then he turns back to me and laughs and keeps talking. He was a great source of intrigue for Sharly, Iona, and Pete. Iona kept leaning over to me and saying “he’s pretty hot” which kind of pissed me off though I don’t have a right to be jealous. Sharly just kept saying to him, “you need to relax sweetie.” But then he’d respond like he never heard her say that. He’d instead just ask her about being a lesbian and ask all kinds of personal questions. He’s so innocent in many ways, oblivious to true social skills. He was genuinely curious and not even being perverted about it. From anyone else, the questions would have been really offensive.
Anyway, enough about him, I’m going to talk about Kristin again.
She gave me this self portrait she did with crayons since she’s been here:
Then she gave me this poem that she tore out of her notebook because she didn’t like it:
Then she gave me this poem which she said she wrote for me:
I think I’ll start my novel tonight, but I have to pretend to sleep until Bogart is actually sleeping. He jerks off before going to sleep, and believe it or not, he will talk to me while he’s jerking off. He’ll be talking about stuff that has nothing whatsoever to do with sex or jerking off. Then now and then he’ll say something like, “ohh yeah, ‘at’s perfect, I’m a really good fuck, yeah?” Then he’ll laugh and expect me to be amused like it’s this fantastic joke. He’s kind of clueless. Yeah I feel bad for him.
So tonight I start writing no matter what. I think I need to.
previous Grimm 143: Bogart & the Constable http://wp.me/p41c99-lf
next Grimm 145: Temporary Grimm Paper & the Manic Dragon http://wp.me/p41c99-nt
For a chronological list of links to all the journal entries, refer to the Journal Entries Index Page http://wp.me/P41c99-J
For posts that aren’t journal entries, feel free to explore the Categories in the left side bar or the other pages above, including the Character Directories which list the posts each character is mentioned in.