October 18, 2013
Wednesday Sweetheart and I talked. First thing I did was ask her to marry me. I went to the store and I bought a $50 ring. I planned of course to get something nicer when I was better able to spend the money. It’s pretty amazing having money to spend since I’m not spending it all on drugs and alcohol. Anyway, it wasn’t an engagement ring, but it was something I knew she would like. And she did really like it. In fact, even though she said no, she asked if she could keep the ring, so I said, of course.
She said no because she doesn’t know what she wants or where she wants to be. Then I was like, well you’re a mother now, that’s what you are, and you’re here. She became infuriated. She said, “I’m more than just a mother, and it’s my responsibility to be sure she has a proper life, because whatever I decide to do, I need to be able to provide for her on my own, without help.”
I said I was going to help her. She yelled at me that she doesn’t need a man. I never saw her like that before, big time mood swings and shit. But she apologized and said she was tired and she said her hormones were going crazy, and she was crying and all emotional and it was strange to see her like that, because she’s always kind of even tempered. She was embarrassed and apologetic and said she’d make it up to me. She blew her nose, looked at the ring, smiled, then got on her knees and started undoing my pants. She said she didn’t want sex yet because she didn’t feel physically comfortable enough for sex. I was like that’s ok but I asked her to stand up and take off her shirt. I was dying to get a feel of those tits. They were huge, because she’s breastfeeding. And I was touching them, they were solid and they were like freakin’ torpedos. She asked me if I wanted to try some breast milk, I said, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Anyway she got back down on her knees and I was standing. We were in the living room, home alone, except for the baby who was asleep in my room. But she grabbed my thighs over my jeans at one point, and so…while I was getting head, I pocket dialed my mom. Yep, that’s what happened.
Nothing like pocket dialing your mom when you’re getting a blow job. And I was ohhhing and yeahhhing and mmmmming. Yep, that’s what happened.
Then I came, and sat on the couch with my jeans around my thighs and I hear from my pocket, “Grimm? Are you ok? Valente? What’s going on?” Yep, that’s what happened.
I took my phone out and didn’t know what to say so I was like, oh sorry I was just having sex. I couldn’t think of anything that sounded like the noises I was making and it was better than saying I was getting a blow job. She said, “tmi Grimm, why did you call me while you were having sex?” It’s called pocket dialing. “You were dressed?” “Let’s not talk about this.” “Good idea.”
Anyway, after that, I talked with Sweetheart about expressing her milk so I could have time alone with the baby and she could have a break. She thought that was a good idea even though she didn’t feel exactly ready to be out of sight of the baby. But I gave her some money and when I went to work she bought bottles that have nipples like breasts and spent time filling them. I saw her do some when I got home. She’d just squeeze her tits and the milk would spray out. It was pretty weird, but fascinating. She asked again if I wanted to try some, because she says it’s warm and sweet. I couldn’t believe she tried some herself, but I just said, “um yeah, no. please don’t ask again.”
So yesterday, Sharly called in the morning and told me that a pipe burst and the store had to be shut down until it’s fixed. That was a great opportunity to spend time with the baby. I took her out with me in one of those snuggly things and Sweetheart packed a diaper bag for me. Gary Oldman (II) was a little pissed off I think and jealous that I left her at home. One kid at a time for the time being.
I went to Charlotte’s Web because Sharly was there with the plumbers and those guys. Sharly hadn’t had a chance yet to come by and see the baby, but she wanted to see her, even had presents for her, including books to read to her. It’s good to read to babies. It helps improve their brain development, language skills, and also it’s nice for them to hear their parents’ voices like that. So later, I even went to the park and read some of Steppenwolf to her. Yes, I haven’t finished it yet. I don’t want to hear a word from you invisible journal reading people. I wish I had the capacity to read as much as I used to. Maybe I’ll get that back some day. I hope to.
So I brought the baby in to meet Sharly and I said, “This is Alice.”
“Alice? Isn’t her name Valentina?”
“Yeah, but I like the name Alice. She looks like an Alice and life is just like going through the looking glass sometimes, so yeah…”
“You can’t just call her Alice if that’s not her name.”
“Well I didn’t have a say in what to name her, so I thought I’d call her Alice. Sweetheart can call her Val. It’s not that confusing.”
She shook her head at me. “Grimm…”
I guess I shouldn’t call her Alice. But I can think of her as Alice.
Anyway, it was cool being out with the baby, walking around. I felt like a real dad and I felt proud having her with me. She got lots of attention from strangers, especially women. She drank from the bottles well and it was cool to feed her.
The store is closed today too, I want to take her out again.
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