October 4, 2013
Iona came by my work yesterday. I haven’t seen or heard from her after the incident at Barnes & Noble. But she came by to talk about what happened between me and Shannon. I told her that it doesn’t matter what I say, because it will probably just end up being my word against Shannon’s anyway. Then I said she could call Pete, get his story, then I’d tell her mine, and she’d see that our stories would be corroborated. So she called Pete right there, then, when it wasn’t busy, I told her my side. She admitted that she figured Shannon was fabricating the story or only telling part of it. She said she was no longer friends with her as of that moment and I don’t blame her. I did apologize and tell her that it only happened that once, and it could have easily happened before that or even continue after, but I wasn’t the one that pursued it. I was trying to be respectful, but a guy can only have so much willpower when a girl is flashing her pussy at him.
Anyway, she said I was a good guy and she wanted to continue our relationship as it was. She believes she can trust me because I was honest from the start about how I didn’t want to be committed and even how I was the one who brought up what happened. She said that shows I have a conscience and moral fiber. Fiber is one of the healthiest parts of every day.
We went out for coffee after work, Dunkin’ Donuts this time, and we just talked. I think she is the nicest girl I’ve ever known. Nicer than Emma even. Or maybe she just loves me and Emma doesn’t. I don’t know if that makes a difference. She’s fun too, because we went into DD and pretended we had accents, then spent the entire time there talking in accents. She did a really good Irish brogue, and I did Italian. I even slipped a few Italian words in there. I’ve done the accent thing before, and I have to say that women love accents. Guys love accents too. Somehow it seems to change the appearance of a person, make them more attractive or something, more interesting.
I’m glad things are resolved with her because I’m tired of being stupid and making mistakes. I’m tired of hurting people because of my mistakes. I have a philosophy about mistakes, but I guess it’s kind of cliché.
My name is Wall Grimm, and this is my philosophy about mistakes:
WALL GRIMM’S MISTAKEN PHILOSOPHY
There are all sorts of ways people make mistakes on a daily basis. Sometimes the consequences are hard. Sometimes they are miniscule. But obviously we need to make mistakes in order to learn and grow. The wisest people are those who make many mistakes, but never make the same mistake twice. They recognize their mistakes and learn from them. When your mistakes hurt other people, you need to rectify that, even if the relationship is never the same. You need to pay your dues and apologize. Apologies mean nothing if you keep doing it over and over again. When you’re young, you tend to repeat the same mistakes. That’s why wisdom comes with age, because it takes a while to figure out that you’re supposed to evolve. I’m just beginning to evolve in my life, maybe.
Yeah that’s cliché and it’s nothing that hasn’t been said before, but it’s still a legitimate philosophy.
So yeah, everything’s fixed with Iona. And Dave has texted me a few times but I haven’t responded until this morning. He keeps asking, “Did you really put a curse on me?” I have him freaked out which is good. This morning I texted back, “Yes, now fuck off.” But he won’t get it until 1 or 2pm because he’s such a lazy fucking bastard.
Then I started writing a poem:
intent upon virility and born of desirability we blister by our humanity and our fortune is overcome
but I don’t really like it. But I do want to start writing more, besides writing in my journal. Iona likes to write too. This is what she wrote about me:
He hides until he is comfortable to be present again. He never speaks of himself unless asked. He never smiles unless he is feeling happy. He never laughs unless something is funny. He never speaks unless the words are worth saying. He keeps all secrets protected and safe. He never reveals himself to anyone. He thinks before he acts. He thinks before he speaks. He has many secrets.
That is one of the most openly insightful things anyone has ever expressed about me. Some of it I never necessarily acknowledged about myself, but I guess it’s all true in one way or another.
I guess I’m just kind of rambling on about a bunch of shit at this point. No sense going on and boring you invisible journal reading people or my future self, or whoever is the unfortunate soul to find this journal when I’m dead. To that unfortunate soul, I burden you with the truths of my licentious and superfluous existence. Adieu. Love, Wall Grimm
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