August 23, 2013
I was taking pictures yesterday of trees. Trees are awesome. This picture I especially like:
But this one freaked me out because later when I was looking at the picture I saw a demon in the clouds grinning at me. I didn’t know he was there when I took the picture:
Kind of freaky, but it prompted me to man up and make the right choice. So I decided to end it with Paula because even though the situation is comfortable for me, I’m not treating her right. She didn’t take this as well as I thought she would. I figured she was sick of my shit. But I told her I was going to move out as soon as I found a place. Pete’s been wanting me to move in with him, but I think I want to live alone again. Pete said he can handle the rent on his own so that would be no problem. I might go there if I don’t find a place in the next couple weeks, then just stay there temporarily.
Anyway so I told Paula this and she slapped my face and then started slapping my body. I thought she’d appreciate my honesty, I mean because I guess I’m fine here with her and just continuing things as they are, I was doing it for her. But she was hitting me then she fell to her knees and started to undo my pants so I wasn’t about to stop her from doing that, so I let her blow me. Then she was saying she’d do anything I wanted. She’d buy me whatever I wanted, do anything sexually for me that I wanted. I don’t really like stuff, don’t need it. I’m like the only 24 year old I know who could care less about technology and shit like that. And sexually I have no crazy fantasies besides orgies when I’m the only guy. It’s just weird that my decision to be more respectful of her has prompted her to be less respectful of herself. It just seems so desperate and I thought she was a mature woman. I think I bring out the worse in her. I don’t know why she wants to keep me so badly.
So it’s Friday and last night is when I had this discussion with her. Pete, Patrick, Hasty and I decided to go to the beach tomorrow. We’re going to Hampton and I haven’t been there in a long time. Maybe I’ll get another tattoo. I think I’ll go get my palm read and see how much bullshit the palm reader pulls out of her face. I’m gypsy so I’ll know the second I walk in if the person’s authentic. Then I can turn it around and say, well based on your energy and the look in your eyes, it seems like there is someone in your life who doesn’t completely understand you. Vague as hell but the person would be like ‘ohhh yes that’s so true’ and the reader would feed off of that and gradually build. But I don’t do that. I actually know things, see things. Like I have to actually block that shit out purposely. I especially see pasts. I don’t want to know intimate details of people’s traumas, so I block it. I could know a lot if I chose to see it.
And yeah I’ll get my palm read, we’ll ride one of those circular six or so people bicycles, forget what it’s called. We’ll go to the arcade, get some fried dough, get an airbrushed t-shirt, go on a water slide, check out the hot girls. Well, I’ll be the only one doing that. And of course the beach, walk it, swim it. Maybe we’ll spend the night. That would be cool. I love Hampton, maybe next year I can get a job there and live there. It’s all Russian people working there though. But I know what we can do, we’ll just bring a tent because you can set one up on the beach and you can even have a fire on the beach. In Massachusetts you can’t, but Hampton is in New Hampshire. Maybe there will be a cool band playing too. I think they have those web cams there too, so people can see you on the beach. Anyway, that’ll be awesome because we’re all kind of missing each other since the road trip, which I still should document at least some of the rest of that.
Or I just thought maybe we can go to the nude beach instead. Last time I went there I was in the water, which is stupid to go in the cold water naked when you’re a guy, because then you don’t want to be seen coming out since…yeah. But I was in the water and the waves were kind of intense and they tossed me into this naked guy from Italy. I was like, sorry man. Then it threw me into him again, so I moved further away. Then when it knocked me over and threw me into him a third time, I just got out of the water. Sounds stupid that I stayed in there, but after the first time I didn’t think it’d happen again. After the second time, I fucking moved. Last thing I want is to have my naked body thrown up against the naked body of another guy. Couldn’t have been an Italian girl, could it, damn.
It seems like there are usually less hot girls at the nude beach than at Hampton. I’m going to rub lotion on Hasty, I know that much. And today I’m blowing off work, but Sharly’s ok with that, she was glad I worked as much as I did, it was more than we originally planned on. I think I’ll spend the day on searching for an apartment, like a studio or something like that. Maybe I’ll move into the city instead of living outside of it….hmmmm, there’s an idea.
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