“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 100: The Outlaw Grimm Wales & the Fire

August 14, 2013

I did go into work on Monday, but only after I bought myself a cowboy hat.  I got a Stetson and I feel like Clint Eastwood, I never want to take it off.  So I got myself this hat and went to Sharly’s and she let me work a few hours, but because it was pretty slow, I made a list about getting my priorities straight.  I’ll write it here:

My name is Wall Grimm and this is my list of priorities:

WALL GRIMM’S LIST, NOT NECESSARILY IN ORDER OF IMPORTANCE

I need to square things with Paula, and make a choice that reflects what’s best for both of us

Work more and be responsible for Sharly

Look for a career, not just a job

Quit smoking

Start working out again

Get a regular sleep schedule

Take good care of Gary Oldman

Start referring to Gary Oldman in my journal as Gary Oldman II or just Oldman so I don’t get confused, even though it makes me laugh to write Gary Oldman in certain sentences such as “Gary Oldman likes to bite.”

Read more

I suppose I’m expected to make ammends to people I’ve wronged, based on the 12 step programs I was involved in, but I haven’t been really doing any of that.  And yeah, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I should go to AA or something so I’ll put that on the list:

Go to AA meetings

That’s all for now.  Lists are cool like that, you can take things off or add things on at any time.

Anyway, it was good to be back at the book store.  I didn’t even shave since Saturday, got a dark shadow, and that made me more like Clint, so Sharly started calling me Grimm Eastwood.  I made that list, and that was two days ago and haven’t accomplished anything on it yet besides going to work every day.  But that’s a great undertaking in itself.  Besides, I’m really preoccupied by my hat and it’s hard to not smoke when you’re wearing a Stetson.  Gary Oldman II (check off list) has been keeping me busy too.  I bring her to the store with me and Sharly let me put a sign on the door that says “PLEASE BE CAREFUL NOT TO LET THE CAT OUT, THANK YOU” so she’s like a book store mascott.  I carry her around with me, sometimes she rides on my shoulder.  She also follows me around.  I have to be careful not to step on her.  The more I look at her, the more I realize she actually does look a lot like Gary Oldman, though I think he kind of looks like a lion, so they both have this feline thing going I guess.

One thing that was kind of approached on my list was resolving things with Paula, but we only talked a little Monday night when I got back from work.  We hadn’t really talked before then.  I got home and walked in and she had this face like she was all prepared to confront me and be pissed off.  But she laughed when she saw my hat.  She said it suited me, especially with the “scruff” on my face.  But she said that gentlemen were supposed to remove their hats when they entered a dwelling.  This annoyed me because I always remove my hats when I go inside anywhere, but I was so caught up in the hat I forgot.  I didn’t want Paula to think I was a complete idiot and didn’t know my manners, so I was like, “yeah I know, I was just showing it to you,” and I took it off.  She said, “well it looks good.”

Then she said, “I think you know we have some things we need to talk about.”

“Yeah.”

“Well I’ll say that when you left Friday, I was offended, because I threw you that party, so it hurt my feelings.”

“I understand that.”

“But then when I saw you come home Saturday in that…condition, and behaving like…well let’s just say I was mad, but it was…well I felt like you were behaving like a teenager and I wanted to scold you, and I’ve wanted to talk with you about it, but every time I’m ready to bring it up, it feels to me like…I can’t even begin to explain.”

“In other words, it doesn’t feel like you’re bringing it up as if we’re in a mature relationship, rather you feel like a parent or guardian to me when we have problems.”

“Yes.”

“I’m mature, why does everyone think I’m not?  I was always reliable and responsible, I was the one people would go to, the one my friends would come to if they had problems or needed someone to talk to.  I made some mistakes, got in over my head with some shit, and now everyone thinks I’m immature, I don’t get it.  Why do I have to prove myself to everyone?  I haven’t changed, I just had some shit I went through, that’s all.”

“I know Grimm, but I didn’t know you then.”

“I’m still that person.”

“I’ve seen evidence and have heard that you’re a kind hearted, compassionate person, but not with me.  You have no compassion for me.  With us it’s been all about you.”

“Yeah right, you sure know how to get your share.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I thought all you needed from me was a good fuck now and then.”

Then she slapped me really hard and told me to get out of her house.  So I grabbed my Stetson which I just now decided to refer to as my Eastwood, and went outside to start a fire.  I wasn’t leaving.  I had no where to go without having to either swallow a lot of pride and feel a lot of shame, or cave in on myself again and relapse.  I chose instead to build a fire.  I made a nice big one.  She watched me from the window.  I could see her, but didn’t make it obvious that I noticed.  As I built the fire, I got a lot of aggression out.  It was cleansing, purifying, and helped me to focus on the situation and not run away, but instead it made me a man.  The fire and my Eastwood, and my little kitten Gary Oldman by my side.  The fire was my passion, channeled and contained.  The Eastwood was my maturity, my manhood, and my ability to think things through and not avoid situations, but take them on with clarity and resilience.  And the kitten was my responsibility, my compassion.  I stood for a while gazing into the fire and smoking.  The power of the flames both mesmerized and grounded me.

When I felt like it was time to go back inside, I walked in, took off my hat, and stood just inside the doorway.  Paula was looking at me but it wasn’t scornfully.  Rather she had the look like she wanted to fuck me.  Either she recognized my own personal rites of passage as she watched me transform into a true man before her eyes, or she was just horny since we hadn’t had sex since Friday.  She said to me, “Put that hat back on.  And wear it into the bedroom.”

*******

previous Grimm 99: Dave & the Meatball, Grimm’s New Perspective http://wp.me/p41c99-hd

next Grimm 101: Wall Grimm’s Progress in Priorities http://wp.me/p41c99-hI

For a chronological list of links to all the journal entries, refer to the Journal Entries Index Page http://wp.me/P41c99-J

For posts that aren’t journal entries, feel free to explore the Categories in the left side bar or the other pages above, including the Character Directories which list the posts each character is mentioned in.

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Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 94-115 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

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7 thoughts on ““The Journal of Wall Grimm” 100: The Outlaw Grimm Wales & the Fire

  1. Desiree G

    Cowboy hats, tight jeans, and unshaven …..I might have to write my own story!!! Sorry, you got me sidetracked and now I have to go back and reread this one again. ;)

  2. Reblogged this on SageDoyle.

  3. WordsFallFromMyEyes

    Ha. Yes, lists are cool like that :)

    I love your abduction of the journal on the left. That’s so great! Love it.

    Your writings are so real. I mean, it’s like it’s you with the Stetson etc etc, not a fictional Grimm. These are fascinating scribings. Either you’ve a great imagination or this really is your life.

    • Oh if you click the images of the abduction, it will take you to posts one and two, all about the abduction. Those posts were a lot of work but I laughed the whole way through writing them.
      And thanks! Well, I’ll admit that Grimm is a rough version of my past me. A rough version. Many of the experiences are real and my own, but there’s also a lot of fiction in there. It’s most suitably categorized as fiction however. Thank you :)

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