“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 90: Hasty Hates Paula, the Impending Road Trip, and Mother’s Day

May 11, 2013

I’m at Paula’s still.  I haven’t even gone to see Pete’s new place yet, that would be my new place too once I move in.  I haven’t seen anyone since the party.  I haven’t left Paula’s at all.  She asks if I want to go for a ride or a hike or do something, but I just want to stay here.  When she’s at work, it’s nice to have complete solitude.  I’ve communicated via txt with people, not much, mostly Hasty.  We’ve been talking about taking a road trip and I think I’d like to do that.  Me, Hasty, Patrick, and maybe Pete if he can get the time off from work.  Maybe a road trip and then I can restart my life.

Sharly said I could come back to the bookstore.  She said that she knows I’ll have struggles, but that I’m trying and I was always responsible before.  She also trusts me even though I took her money.  She knows I was planning to pay it back, but once again she’s let me off the hook.  She’s too good to me.  So I’ll probably go back to work there eventually.  We talked about starting off slowly, with fewer hours, and she’d be working with me, I wouldn’t be alone.  Again, it’s not because of distrust, as she put it, more just as a support system.

I’m avoiding Dave, though he’s been texting me.  I finally just texted, “look just fuck off, we can’t hang out, not now.”  He texted back “bbbbbut why? :( “   He’s so fucking clueless.

One funny thing was going on in the dynamic at the party.  Hasty decided, I think, to hate Paula.  She said to me, “I’m jealous, I want to cut that bitch.”  But of course, Hasty is the most harmless person, so it was just cute.  She’s cute and I love that she’s jealous.  I like when people get possessive of me, until it becomes an imposition.  I don’t think Hasty could ever impose.  Paula said later, “I don’t think your friend likes me.”  I said, “yeah she hates you.”  Then she was just horrified and confused.  I said, “Don’t take it personally, it’s a Hasty thing.”  She was just like shocked because no one’s every hated her before.  I told her to join the club, it always dumbfounds me when I’m hated.  But it’s always the most awesome people who get the haters, right?  Yeah, that’s the way it is.

I realized that tomorrow is mother’s day so I have to get my mother a present, but I feel kind of unworthy because I don’t think I’ve been a very good son.  I think I should just apologize and take off because I feel too ashamed to face her.  But I’ll man up and try to do something nice.  She was a good mom.  She was at home with me until I went to school.  Then when I went to school I hated it and I just wanted to be home with her.  We’d do crafts and bake cookies and play games.  She’d take me to the library for activities and story times and to get tons of books.  I liked when she’d read to me.  Sometimes she’d make voices for the characters and I didn’t like that so I’d tell her to stop.  Then she’d have to start the story over from the beginning.  If she made a mistake, I’d make her start over too.  And when it was a story I was really familiar with, I’d recognize when she’d skip a word or a line, so I’d make her start over.  I guess I was just a little pain in the ass.

My mom was such an awesome mom, still is, but I’m just not a little boy anymore.  I guess sometimes I wish I could go back to the times when I was a kid and I was really sick and she would sometimes sleep on the floor by my bed when I’d have a hard time breathing.  Or if I had high fevers, she would cool me down with a cold cloth.  Once I had such bad infections in my knees from falling that I couldn’t walk, so she had to carry me to really hot baths.  It was like I grew up knowing that no matter what bad shit was going on, my mother would be there for me, to take care of me to protect me.  But there were things I couldn’t tell her, because I didn’t want to break her heart.  I knew even at a really young age that she pained when I was hurt, and she suffered for me.  So I didn’t want to tell her about some things, because I wanted to spare her the grief.  Then as I got older, there were just more and more things I had to hide in order to protect her.  Eventually I guess I distanced myself.  I could only see myself as a source of agony for her, and I was compelled to guard her from the suffering I would have caused her.

So now it’s mother’s day tomorrow, and I think maybe I’ll get Paula to help me figure out what to do for my mom because I want it to be really good and maybe Paula can help me if I need money to get her something nice.  It’ll be cool because I guess I’ve been so self-centered lately, I should take the time to consider someone else, especially someone who will unconditionally always be there for me.

*******

previous Grimm 89: The Welcome Home http://wp.me/p41c99-dO

next Grimm 91: Looking Spruce, Out With Mom, & Wall Grimm’s Drug Philosophy http://wp.me/p41c99-dY

For a chronological list of links to all the journal entries, refer to the Journal Entries Index Page http://wp.me/P41c99-J

For posts that aren’t journal entries, feel free to explore the Categories in the left side bar or the other pages above, including the Character Directories which list the posts each character is mentioned in.

Hasty is based on herself at http://hastywords.wordpress.com/  and Patrick is based on himself at http://phintly.wordpress.com/ 

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Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 76-93 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

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16 thoughts on ““The Journal of Wall Grimm” 90: Hasty Hates Paula, the Impending Road Trip, and Mother’s Day

  1. Morbid Insanity

    “My mom was such an awesome mom, still is, but I’m just not a little boy anymore.” > It doesn’t matter how old a person is, mother will always see him/her as her little boy/girl, mainly in front of friends or a “something” just to annoy you and make you feel ashamed. My mother loves doing it. ¬¬

    • lol well, Grimm’s mom is very much based on my own mom and to be honest, I don’t think she ever tried to annoy or embarrass me on purpose, but maybe she did? Nah, couldn’t have ;)

      • Morbid Insanity

        Lucky! I think you have a nice mother. I’m not saying my mother is not nice, she just like to tease my patience when there’s someone around. One day, in some year, we were walking and I met a friend and I introduced him to my mother and she said: “You’re the guy who is always going out with my daughter… When you’re gonna marry her?” You see, she is so nice! ¬¬

        • Sounds like something my great grandmother used to say, once you’re 24 you should already be married, it’s old fashioned lol

          • Morbid Insanity

            O.o 24? Why? I mean, I don’t think that there’s an age to marry, but when it’s about me… I think 67 it’s a good age to think about it, or maybe 93. lol
            My mother has not given up the dream to see me married, but one day she will conform to my decision, I hope. ^_^

          • Well, that’s not what I think, but my great grandmother died when she was 96, she was from Sicily, so yeah, different generation, different cultural perspective. These days, marriage is more about the right companionship more than it used to be, so best to take time. I agree with you lol

          • Morbid Insanity

            “These days, marriage is more about the right companionship”

            Yeah, I guess. But finding the right companionship is not so easy. :/

          • You’re right about that, it’s trial and error ;)

          • Morbid Insanity

            Trial and error… The first thing I thought was “so, it is an error trying”. But I don’t think it is what you mean, right?

          • No, trial and error is an expression. Basically it means if you’re trying for something, it’s normal for mistakes to happen along the way until you get it right.

          • Morbid Insanity

            Yeah, I know. Until you get it right a lot of mistakes will show up and, maybe, after consecutive mistakes happen along the way, it’s time to do something different or just stop trying…

          • W.C. Fields said, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No sense being a damn fool about it.” lol

          • Morbid Insanity

            It makes sense… I like that! lol

          • lol yeah he’s got some good quotes.

  2. Did you get feedback from Hasty that she didn’t like Paula and you decided to use that?

    • Actually I did. I think Hasty commented that she wanted to scratch her eyes out because she was jealous lol

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