Wait no, it’s May.
I need sex. I know that much.
I decided that I’m pissed off all the time, in part, because I need sex. The question is, how to get it here in detox. So here is my story about sex and detox.
My name is Wall Grimm, and this is my story.
WALL GRIMM’S TALE OF SEX AND WOE IN DETOX
Ok well the woe is already obvious as it has been the focus of my journaling. This is the sex bit of it. I decided to target this cute nurse intern named Maeve. This was the day after I was restrained, which I didn’t tell the entire version of the story. When they came in while I was smashing a chair against the wall, they tried to talk me down first, aka de-escalate me. But I hit that peak of rage you get when you’re unable to see. And the adrenalin felt so fucking good, the best high I’d had in a while. So I wasn’t about to be talked down so easily. Anyway, one of them came a little too close so I shoved him pretty hard. He fell backwards over another chair. Then they all jumped in. There were 5 of them total, three men, two women, and they were trained to be fast. It was the men who restrained me. The guy I pushed was mid-fall when one guy was grabbing me and handing my arms crossed in front up around in back to another guy. I started to squirm and kick so they leaned me back, I felt like I was going to fall on my head, then they brought me down and one of them wrapped their arms around my legs when I started kicking. I was completely immobilized and all I could do is yell and swear. At first out of anger, then out of mental anguish because I couldn’t move. It felt very violating, I didn’t feel safe like that, so I just kept yelling. I was trying to break free but it was impossible. So I yelled and struggled until I was exhausted and then I just broke down and cried. It really sucked.
Anyway, so the next day I decided to be suave. I got myself all cleaned up all fixed up, dressed up nice in my jeans and tee-shirt, and I went to the nurse’s station. I said to Maeve, “can I talk to you for a minute?” She stepped out and we moved a few feet away, within sights of the station but if we talked softly we wouldn’t be heard. She said, “what’s up?” I said, “I don’t know…ummmmmm…” and I looked in her eyes, hoping she’d know what I was up to, giving her the opportunity to make it happen or deter it. She smiled and said, “what’s on your mind?”
“What do you think is on my mind?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“Then you’re probably right.”
“I think I’m going to end this conversation right here.” She began to walk away.
She turned. I gestured with my head for her to come back and she did. Then I knew she would fuck me if she didn’t think it was inappropriate, because she was so easily beckoned back even though she knew what I wanted. The young nurses get flattered first, they’re female above all, before they put that shield up and create the boundaries. Some of them have the boundaries in place already, but the ones who don’t are easy to spot. They’re often the prettiest ones ironically, who are so used to being swooned over that they sometimes thrive on attention or need an occasional fix from a worthy source. The interns are in college mode and are flirting with guys on a daily basis.
“What do you want Grimm?”
“I was born with the name Valente you know.”
“So that’s your name, Valente?”
“I changed it.”
“I built a wall around myself I suppose.”
I said nothing, just looked at her. Then she got uncomfortable. That’s another good thing because it meant that whatever boundaries she was trying to establish had no foundation, and were easily penetrable. Penetrable is the operative word.
She said, “You’re a real flirt Grimm, I was warned about you.”
“Warned? About me? That’s awesome.”
She laughed. I wasn’t dealing with Nurse Ratched here that’s for sure.
I stepped closer within her personal space and she didn’t back up. I said, “What were you warned about me.”
She caught her breath, blushed, glanced at the nurse’s station, then looked up at me, her head tilted a little. “Well,” she looked down, laughed quietly, looked back up into my eyes, “I was warned that you’re a charmer.”
I was reading the signals right, yeah? I realized that I think that’s how I get laid so much. I read the signals, and gradually respond and interact. It’s mostly about body language. And girls communicate a lot in body language. It’s a nonverbal dialogue. And not to intentionally sound derogatory, but you need to know when to step back and step back in. Kind of like fishing, you tug too soon, the fish gets away. This little fish was a tough one though because she had one thing against me, her status. If she violated that patient/nurse relationship, she could be in a lot of trouble.
“The other nurses think I’m charming? That’s cool.”
She laughed again.
“So you’re planning to be a nurse. Is this your field or do you want to work in another environment?”
“I think I want to work in the ER.”
“That’s pretty intense.”
“Yeah it is.”
We talked more a bit about her and her goals until she was more relaxed and less on guard. By then I was so hard. The entire conversation was like foreplay for me. I had my notebook on me so I held it in front of my pants casually.
But then she looked down at the notebook and asked what I’m always writing. I said, “A journal.”
She said, “A journal? Guys don’t really write journals. That means you’re sensitive. That’s sexy.”
I was surprised that she let that slip out so I got kind of embarrassed at that point, just in a slightly stunned kind of way, and I didn’t say anything.
Then she said, “Oh sh–, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” She looked at the nurses station then said, “they need me over there.” And she walked away. I didn’t try to stop her. I accomplished my goal apart from the actual sex. I went back in the shower and jerked off, but I took my time, kind of edged myself a little. I’m so horny. The question is whether or not I should leave this girl alone. I think I can get her, but it might make her regretful enough to get out of nursing entirely. If she is caught, it could ruin her career. So….how horny am I?
previous Grimm 83: Withdrawals, Group, & The Black Hole http://wp.me/p41c99-c9
next Grimm 85: Sex, Paula, Sex, Exercise, Sex, Wall Grimm the Arrogant Asshole, Sex http://wp.me/p41c99-cS
For a chronological list of links to all the journal entries, refer to the Journal Entries Index Page http://wp.me/P41c99-J
For posts that aren’t journal entries, feel free to explore the Categories in the left side bar or the other pages above, including the Character Directories which list the posts each character is mentioned in.