April 21, 2013
Friday night, after they caught the bombing suspect, everyone flooded the bars to celebrate. It was like New Year’s or the 4th of July but with more camaraderie and spirit than any event I’ve ever experienced. It was amazing. Paula and I went to an Irish Pub and some well-to-do guy bought everyone in the bar a round. So I ordered three drinks each for me and Paula.
When we first went out, I was a little paranoid that I’d see someone I know. I know tons of people. I also have many people I’m pretty close to. I just didn’t want to answer any questions or have to fill people in or explain my absence or whereabouts. It was kind of a miracle that I didn’t see anyone. Most of the people I know would have gone to a few other bars over this one, so that’s why I picked it. At one point Paula and I went outside to have a smoke and this girl came out in this tight yellow shirt with no bra underneath. She asked me for a cigarette so I gave her one, and Paula and I lit up seconds. This girl had beautiful fucking tits. Her nipples were hard and her tits were so round, I could almost detect the color of her nipples through her shirt. She was surrounded by about 4 or 5 guys. As I was smoking I couldn’t help but stare at her tits, they were mesmerizing. When I’d look up at her face she would sometimes be looking at me with a smirk.
Paula got jealous, which surprised me. I didn’t know that sophisticated, older women could get jealous, I always thought that was a maturity thing. You know once you hit 30 or something you stop being jealous. But she said that it was rude of me to so blatantly be staring at that girl’s breasts. I said, “but don’t you think they’re beautiful?” She looked at them and said, “they are beautiful.” I thought that was hot. But then she put out her cigarette and went inside.
I followed her in and went back to our seat at the bar and I apologized. I was kind of messed up and not used to having a girlfriend so I just figured it was ok to admire the beauty of another woman. She said she understood but she got concerned because she’s afraid our age difference will change things for us eventually. I kissed her, and tried to kiss her more but she said no. She felt embarrassed to kiss me like that in public because it didn’t seem appropriate. I told her I am not hung up on our ages, she is, and she needs to get over it. Who fucking cares what people think. I took her hand and discretely put it on my dick. I was hard. I said, “You did that.” I think that turned her on so she caved and kissed me.
I dragged her out to the dance floor and we danced most of the night. At one point, the band mumbled about something incoherently. I hadn’t even realized we were listening to live music. They mumbled something and then the entire bar was chanting “Boston Strong, Boston Strong, Boston Strong!” All I could think was, who the hell made up that slogan? Boston Proud, Boston Strong. We sound like cavemen. But whatever, the message is cool. Everyone was saying, “damn I fucking hate the Yankees, but that was really cool what they did.” I think it’s stupid to add the “I hate..” bit at the start of that statement. Just shut the fuck up and say, “That was really cool what the Yankees did.”
Some guy came into the bar selling tee-shirts about the manhunt that just ended a couple hours ago. He got booed and verbally assaulted until he left. A few assholes snuck out after him to buy some tee-shirts.
Some people were following shit on their iPhones, Facebook, Twitter, etc. People out there in the world were calling Boston pussies for letting a 19 year old kid terrorize the city. Well the BPD were trying to protect the people, and they thought that he was holed up in someone’s home. And yeah, once someone starts throwing explosive devices out of the car they’re in at the police, I think it’s a good idea to keep people off the street. Then some people were annoyed by how much news coverage the story got. But I can say, being in the area, that I was glad to follow it, because we needed to know what was going on. We needed to know if we could leave the house or not. For the areas locked down, it was the only way to know what was going on.
People have to criticize everything, fucking cunts in the world. Self centered, insensitive, idiotic cunts. I’m no pussy that’s for sure. And I’d never say that about anyone else because I have compassion, not like those fucking dickheads.
My hope is that this kid redeems himself by becoming a kind of Gandhi. Like he would feel so remorseful that he would turn his life around, and by the time he gets out of prison on good behavior when he’s 40, he will try to bring peace to the world. He’s young enough for that drastic kind of change. That’s if they don’t murder him in prison. But I’m one to talk, I can barely change my self destructive ways, what’s he able to do really.
Anyway, as the night progressed, I decided to pop some pills. I hadn’t tapped into the Anatensol Decanoate yet because I didn’t know what they were. Apparently the drug can also be administered through injection but I’m not into needles. I’ve done heroin a few times but I either snorted it or smoked it. I kind of hate heroin because it makes me sick and I have to lie there for a half an hour before I’m not feeling like I’m going to puke. Anyway I researched this drug and it’s an antipsychotic, so I figured maybe it would help me. I brought the bottle to the bar and every now and then I’d pop one because I wasn’t feeling anything.
Well I guess I did feel something eventually since Paula told me I ended up on the floor of the bar having a seizure. Right now I’m sitting up in my hospital bed writing in a notebook. They’ve got morphine and shit running through my veins and I think some kind of sedative. Nice.
I was unconscious until last night right before Paula had to leave. She gave me a notebook to write in because she knows I use a journal though she couldn’t find it. I hid it well. I guess I’m kind of stupid for taking those pills, but this bed is comfortable so now I get to take a little break from life in a different way.
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