April 18, 2013
Yesterday, Paula had me bring her to work so I could have the car. She gave me money to go buy some things, she made a list, and to also get some food I like. I still had the $200 from my parents, but I spent the $50 from Ayla at the rave. So yesterday I used the $200 to get some shit from Dave and extra liquor. With the money Paula gave me, I got everything she put on her list, and instead of food I got more liquor. All that booze is extra because on her list she included alcohol. She also included cigarettes for me. I get to keep the change and I can save up for more drugs later on. But I’m sure she’d give me money if I asked her to, and she probably wouldn’t even ask why I needed it.
Paula is actually a successful person. She’s a real estate broker and she co-owns a real estate company. Yesterday she was working entirely in her office, and all her meetings were scheduled there, so she didn’t need her car. So I dropped her off and picked her up for lunch. We had lunch, then she brought me to her house and she had the car for the rest of the day. Which I told her I’d rather that. I didn’t tell her because I wanted to get really fucked up while she was working. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to drive or if I would even remember to pick her up.
When I picked her up from work, one of the agents said, “Oh I didn’t know you had a son.” She was like, “uh no he’s a friend.” But then she was kind of off last night when she came home from work. I think that freaked her out. She hadn’t thought about it before. She had only gone to the rave to try to experience a little bit of the wild side of life and she wasn’t even drinking while she was there. Not more than chardonnay anyway. She just sat and watched everyone else. I gave her the opportunity to directly experience the youthfulness that she was kind of seeking. Then after a couple days she admitted she fell in love with me. Now it finally sunk in that she is old enough to be my mother. I didn’t tell her that she is actually older than my mother, that would horrify her.
So last night she was acting weird so I offered her a massage and that helped her relax. Then we were in bed kissing and stuff, we hadn’t fucked yet, and she admitted to me that she’s never experienced oral sex, either giving or receiving it. I thought wow, how can anyone go through life like that. So of course I had to go down on her. She was reluctant at first, but I did it and she loved it once she relaxed. Then she returned the favor, but she was being all shy and shit which was weird because she’s usually such a confident, well adjusted woman. The oral sex thing made her act like a virgin which was kind of adorable. Paula has lived a responsible, straight laced life. I guess I’m her bad boy. She told me that women try not to be, and won’t admit that they are, but they’re mostly attracted to bad boys. I was like, why? She said they’re exciting, a little dangerous, so it’s a thrill. I don’t know, I always assumed I was kind of a pain in the ass, but maybe this explains why I can get laid so easily.
I like this time I’ve been here with Paula, she cooks for me and lets me wear her husband’s clothing. It’s a little too big, but he was a tall thin guy, so it’s not too bad. She tells me she’s never been so sexually satisfied. But then last night she said she wasn’t sure if she was in love with me or the idea of me, or just in love with the sex. I told her it doesn’t matter, I just want to stay.
The truth is, I want to stay here indefinitely. I don’t want to go back to my life. I don’t want to contact my friends or my parents or anyone. I don’t want to go back to that world at all. Dave’s the only one I’ll go to, because he has the drugs. And he’s under strict orders not to tell anyone that I’m around. He said, however, that people have been calling him but he hasn’t given me away. Ayla knows I was around, I just remembered about her, but she doesn’t know where I went after I left her house. My parents may have seen evidence I stopped by there, but that just makes them aware I’m alive, which is good, but they don’t know where I am.
Here at Paula’s I have everything I need. I don’t even need to work or worry about paying any kind of bills or being responsible. It sounds lazy, I know, but it’s not really I guess. I mean, when Paula needs me to do something for her I do it, so I’m not lazy. Like on Tuesday, I raked her yard. I do shit like that, which she kind of let go for a while. Her husband used to do that shit, then she didn’t pick it up because it reminded her of him. One year, she hired people to do these things, but she hated having them there. She said, since she’s in real estate, it’s been kind of embarrassing for her to let the landscaping go, or to let some other maintenance issues develop. But I’ve started helping her with that shit, and she says it’s nice to have a man around again. Today I’m taking her to work again, which is why I’m up so early. She wants me to put gas and oil in her car and take it to be inspected.
That’s what it is anyway, she treats me like a man. She expects nothing from me at all except my company, but if she needs something, I do it without hesitation. So I’m not lazy, I’m doing a lot for her. I feel more responsible actually, more like a man. I feel like everyone else in my life thinks I’m a loser. Well except for Hasty and Patrick but they don’t know me well enough yet. They weren’t a part of my world that was steadily falling to pieces. So yeah, I’d like to see them again sometime soon. Maybe Paula would like to meet them.
The only problem with my situation is that Paula doesn’t know how much drugs I do, or how drunk I really am, because she doesn’t see the amount I drink since I sneak some, hence the extra alcohol. I don’t think she even knows I do drugs. She’s such a smart business woman, but a little naïve when it comes to the other side of the tracks. I know she’s been having apprehensions about us since yesterday. I hope that doesn’t continue, because I really want to stay.
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