April 5, 2013
Well Hasty was born on April Fool’s Day which is pretty cool. But you have to wonder how many times in her life did people joke about that thinking they’re so clever. Well I did too, and she was very gracious, so she’s a sport.
Anyway, Monday for her birthday I forced her to stay home from work so she could come hang out with me. I had to borrow a car since I don’t have one and the only person who didn’t need a car for work or anything was Dave. I hate Dave’s shitbox. It’s about three different colors because the body was put together from three different cars. It needs a paint job not just for that reason, but the colors of the original cars were pretty much spray painted on, so it’s dull and rusty. It needs a new muffler so it’s really loud. The radio doesn’t work and it’s old so it doesn’t even have a cd player. It has an audio cassette player. Dave has this contraption where you can put in a cassette and it’s hooked up to a cd player, so you can play cd’s in the car. But I thought it would be cool to use the cassette player, since I like old stuff and being retrogressive, so on Sunday, Pete and I went to this huge flea market to look for some cassettes. I found a bunch of Blues tapes, and for the drive with Hasty, she and I listened to Bessie Smith, Muddy Waters, and John Lee Hooker. We played a few songs repeatedly. My favorites are Waters’ “Mannish Boy,” Hooker’s “Boom Boom” and his “One Bourbon One Scotch One Beer,” and Smith’s “Reckless Blues.”
Waters’ sings, “I can make love in five minutes time. Ain’t that a man.” Makes me laugh.
Anyway, the final detail about Dave’s car. He has this homemade bumper sticker. We were joking around one day because he’s a “Walking Dead” fan too. And I said “Don’t worry Rick, when I am a zombie, I won’t ever eat a cop. I don’t eat pig.” That’s because I don’t eat pig products because I like pigs and I want a pet pig, so it was just a joke. So Dave goes and makes a freakin’ bumper sticker out of it. Except he used capitalization: “Don’t worry Rick, when I am a zombie I won’t ever eat a COP. I don’t eat PIG.” Nice thing to have on your car when you’re driving around in a shitbox carrying a shitload of drugs. Also, he gives me credit for it when people ask, which sucks because it’s not funny or clever it’s just stupid and corny so I don’t want credit for it. It’s dumb and I was high.
On Monday there were no drugs in the car but I still hate that bumper sticker so I got some contact paper and cut it the right size, then in a Sharpee, I wrote “I LOVE MY MONKEY” on it and I covered the bumper sticker.
After that I picked up Hasty. I did a lot of cocaine so I could be sure to drive all right and I didn’t drink too much. I brought cocaine on me too. And Oxycodone to level off the edge.
I got her and I don’t have a GPS so I wrote down the instructions from MapQuest. I don’t like Google Maps. I couldn’t print them because my printer’s out of ink. I guess Hasty didn’t understand my directions so we got lost on a straight road. In our defense it was a very long and winding straight road. Before we hit the back roads, on the highway we saw a guy in a Porsche smoking from a crack pipe while he was driving. We also saw a woman probably driving to work in the company car. It said “Work From Home” on the side of it. Hasty and I were laughing at the irony.
And by the way, Hasty had no idea where I was taking her. But she was really excited to see when we pulled into the parking lot that we were at The Butterfly Place in Westford. We got out of the car and she jumped up and down like a little kid and hugged me and kissed my face a thousand times and said she loved it and she loved me for taking her there. I kind of figured she’d like it at least a little.
We went in and it was so cool. It was a greenhouse and the butterflies were flying all over the place. Then we saw Bill Nye the Science Guy’s autograph hung on the wall and apparently he filmed an episode there way back when.
We saw tiny little birds that were just walking around everywhere.
And we saw all kinds of butterflies that don’t even come around here. This one is cool, it’s just about to fly so it’s wing is a little blurry. But it’s got these awesome eyes:
This was my favorite, I guess it’s called the glass wing or something. But you can see directly through it, even more clearly than in this photograph. This one’s wing is broke off at the tip.
Anyway, Hasty was so happy, which was great. After we got some food from the Farmer’s Market, we went to the Old Stone Church in West Boylston and sat in the windows, looking out on the water and had lunch.
It’s a gutted old church, I think there was a fire. It’s basically only the structure. Even the ground inside is dirt. It’s filled with bird shit but it’s cool to hear the birds inside because of the acoustics.
We hiked around for a little while too. She had gotten painted lady butterfly caterpillars at The Butterfly Place, so she took them for our hike and lunch. She didn’t want to leave them in the car. I think she had a good time on her birthday. Only thing I forgot was the cake. So on the way to take her home I ran into Hannaford and told her to wait in the car. I grabbed a mini cake and had them write, Happy B-day Hasty on it. I got candles but only about five could fit on the cake. I brought it out to the car, lit them, she blew them out and made a wish. I realized I forgot forks and plates, so we just each grabbed a handful of cake and ate the whole thing that way.
I took her home after, with cake on her face, and she was really happy I think. As for me, it felt good not to be so self centered for a change.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HASTY!!!
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Photo of the Stone Church taken from Wikipedia, photo credit Richard B. Johnson. I took the butterfly photos.
Hasty is based on herself from http://hastywords.wordpress.com/