March 24, 2013
It’s been nice not having to work but two things suck about not having a job.
1. You get lazy.
2. There’s too much time to do drugs.
3. You have no money.
4. Once you start doing more drugs with less money, you start to do stupid things to make money in order to do those drugs.
Ok that’s four things. The sequence just happened as I was writing.
Thursday I ran out of money, cleared out my bank account, and I was tempted to sell my bike but I don’t have a car. I just use other people’s cars now and then, but whatever. This place isn’t conducive enough to being without a car or at least a bike.
I can’t borrow from Sharly. I can’t borrow from my parents. I can’t borrow from my sister. I can’t borrow from Dave. I can’t borrow from my landlord.
Since Bob wasn’t home, I decided to borrow from him. Bob is stupid. He’s one of those guys who doesn’t believe in banks. That in itself is not stupid. What’s stupid is the fact that he tells everyone how much he doesn’t believe in banks. The fucking idiot is lucky no one has ripped him off yet since his adversity toward banks implies he’s probably got a stash somewhere in his apartment.
I knocked on the door hoping Flower wouldn’t be home so I could just go in and find the money and help myself to some. I wouldn’t say I took it, but I’d admit it later when I would be able to pay back. I don’t like to steal but I know Bob won’t loan it to me. So I don’t know what else I could’ve done.
Flower answered the door and she was glad to see me because I think she’s into me. I’m not into her necessarily, but I always figured I’d fuck her whenever I got the chance.
I told her I needed to borrow money.
She asked how much.
I said, “Ummm well I don’t know ummm maybe like a thousand?”
She said that’s a lot of money. I said, “…yeah…”
Then we had a moment of silence pregnant with sexual tension. (Note my interesting use of the word pregnant. Creative, but let’s just hope not prophetic).
Then I started kissing her. After I fucked the hell out of her, she gave me $1000. She even exposed the hiding place. It’s kept in a fireproof box in the wall. You remove the baseboard. It’s undetectable that you can do this. Inside is the box. She also showed me that he has $5,458. Well, now it’s $4,458.
I wish I didn’t know where the money was or how much he has because it’s hard to trust myself. I feel kind of desperate. I don’t like to steal or hurt people by stealing. But I’ve recently decided to think Bob is a prick and hate him. He punched me in the face so the $1000 is justice as far as I’m concerned. I don’t plan on paying back.
I was good though, I paid phone and internet and other shit, just not rent because I’ll work that off, and I bought food.
With the rest, I bought beer, wine, whiskey, and stocked up on some drugs.
Stocking up on drugs is the worse idea I’ve ever had. Availability or lack thereof is the controlling factor in moderation. The greater the supply, the more I use the more frequently. Supply and demand. Then my tolerance increases. Stocking up was a bad idea. I’m fucking stupid.
So I’ve kind of gotten myself in a predicament. But whatever. I mean, the only really bad shit going on for me is, well, let me make a list. Then I will make a list of good things.
My name is Wall Grimm and these are my lists.
WALL GRIMM’S LIST OF BAD THINGS
Emma will have nothing to do with me, Sweetheart left carrying my baby, I was fired, I do too many drugs, I need a job, I need a new apartment, people think I’m a loser, it’s been around a year since Kathy killed herself and I’ve begun to dream about her again and I don’t want to, and the shadowy guy has come back.
WALL GRIMM’S LIST OF GOOD THINGS
I have good parents, Sharly’s a good person who’s in my life, my landlord helps me out so maybe we should stay here until I get my shit together since I’d probably be evicted somewhere else, Pete’s a good friend, I have new friends Hasty and Patrick, girls like me so I’m not such a loser that I can’t get laid, I’m educated, I’m smart, I’m creative, I’m not a bad person, I’m a good person, we have a good apartment with a nice back yard where we can barbeque, have a fire pit, and build kick ass snow forts, I have other good friends even if sometimes they are bad influences, I have a decent bike, I have more good things in my life than bad things.
So, somewhere in there is maybe the shovel to the shit hole I’ve dug myself into. I can toss it, and find the ladder to climb my way out. The ladder is somewhere in there too. But I know I’ve missed some stuff, essentially overlooking it, and yeah, so I’ve got some work to do.
Anyway, last night Pete stopped being such a pain in the ass grudge holder and came out with me, Hasty, and Patrick. It was a good time. Hasty’s husband even came.
But I think I’m going to go for a walk right now so I’ll write about that later. I love walking when I’m drunk because it’s cool to look at people and know I’m in a completely different world. My very own rhealm. Since it’s my personal plane of existence, I prefer to spell the world rhealm with an ‘h’. My world, my existence, my rhealm. The Rhealm of Grimm.
previous Grimm 69: Grimm, Hasty, & Patrick Build a Snow Fort http://wp.me/p41c99-aX
next Grimm 71: Exuding Charisma, Ripley on Crack, Men Stuff, & ABBA http://wp.me/p41c99-b8
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