March 14, 2013
All right well I was going to talk about Sweetheart the other day, but didn’t feel like it, and now some things have changed even since then. But here it is, mistake #2
My name is Wall Grimm and this is my second weekend mistake.
WALL GRIMM’S WEEKEND MISTAKE #2
Ok well Sweetheart was kind of upset because she felt like I was ignoring her all day Saturday. Early in the day she told me she was pregnant and so I told her that I needed a little time to think about it. I wanted my reaction to be pure, and completely uninfluenced by any of her own ideas on the matter. I have a philosophy about that.
My name is Mr. Wall Grimm and this is my philosophy about news.
WALL GRIMM’S NEWS PHILOSOPHY
When people have news to share, good or bad, we gauge our reactions depending upon how they present the news, or based on what they say regarding the news prior to any response we have a chance to offer. This is a normal psychological phenomenon. However, when the news directly involves you, you kind of need that moment to not listen to what they say, or see how they feel about it. You need to step away so your response isn’t manipulated (purposeful or otherwise) by the way they are emotionally connected to the news. Because here’s the thing, they’ve known it for however long, and prior to telling you, they’ve already come to terms with it in one way or another, or come to a decision, and they are often seeking validation.
Ok so this is what I told her. She understood. I admit I kind of ignored her Saturday, but I didn’t realize I was doing it. I was kind of weighing the circumstances in my mind and in deep thought and I drank a lot that day too. It was one of those days when it was perfect to be on a level different from everyone else.
So Sunday, we talked about this and she was sorry that she was upset, but she didn’t need to be, I mean she had a lot to think about too and needed me and I stepped back. But stepping back was mandatory for me in order to get on the same page as her. So Sunday I told her that we should raise the baby together, that I would try to be a responsible father. Then she told me that she needed time to think about it. She understood then why I needed to step away, now she was in my shoes. I didn’t understand what she needed to think about though, but whatever.
Later in the day, Pete was out and I was watching an old “Walking Dead” on Netflix. Sweetheart came out of the bedroom in just a pair of underwear, no bra and ….damn, it doesn’t matter how much I see her like that, it’s like every time it’s brand new she’s so hot. She got on her knees and was going to try and suck my dick, which she doesn’t do too often, but that’s ok I have Ayla for that. I stopped her because it seemed weird to do things sexually with her while she was pregnant, I don’t know why.
I guess it kind of felt like there was this tiny little spy floating around who could see everything, so it seemed inappropriate to have sex in front of a baby. Also if I were to fuck her, that would seem weird to me that my dick would be venturing toward the territory where this little spy resided.
So she got on her knees and I was like, no thanks, which hurt her feelings, so she went in my bedroom. I followed her in and she was crying, I asked her what the matter was and she said I didn’t want her anymore. I said no I just feel weird because of the baby. She said it doesn’t hurt the baby and the baby doesn’t know what’s going on. She was rubbing my balls through my pants when she said this so I had to agree with her. Anyway, I had to ease into the idea. I sucked her tits and fingered her to start. She has the most beautiful tits. They’re the kind that are medium in size and they are a little flat on top with a fullness on the bottom. They point in opposite directions with her pink nipples. Damn I love them. So I sucked the hell out of them and fingered her and watched her face as she moaned and came a few times from that. Then I fucked her and forgot all about the little spy. Because most times, the only thing I’m thinking of when I’m fucking is “holy ohhhh fucking ohhhhh shit mmmmmmm this feels so fucking good yeaaaaahhhh” that’s if there are words in my brain.
After we fucked all day Sunday, we talked Monday and she was ok with the idea of giving it a try, we’d try to be parents. Then Tuesday I came home from work and she was gone. Pete said she was gone when he got home, but didn’t realize she left for good. I looked in my room and on my pillow she left a note.
Thank you for wanting to step up and be a man. That’s so reassuring. I need to figure things out without you though. I need to travel a little, like I was planning and see what kind of life I would like to lie ahead for me. I didn’t want you to talk me out of going or expect to come with me. I’m sorry to just leave you like this. I think I’m going to Arizona where I have a Hopi friend and I can stay with him on his reservation for some time. You’re so sweet and you don’t scare easily, I admire how brave you are. I do love you, but I don’t think you love me quite the same way. You love Emma like that, and I don’t want to trap you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.
So yeah, I still don’t know how to feel or think so I haven’t felt or thought anything. It’s like a concrete wall built itself up in my mind, since it’s one of those occasions that require a proper emotional response, yet since you have no control over it, and the response is probably negative and painful, it’s best to block it off with a wall. It reminds me of the psychic wall I had started to both build and break down. I am full of walls. And my name is not Valente, my name is Wall Grimm.
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