February 26, 2013
We had lots of snow on Sunday and I went sledding even though I have a torn ligament. It’s been about a month since I tore it while skiing and I think it should be nearly healed up by now or maybe another couple weeks. But I’ll milk it for the pain meds. We went to this big hill where everyone goes sledding and it was me, Sweetheart, Pete, Danika, John, Jay, Jeff, and Ayla and then the rest of sledders were like aged 13ish and under. It was a pain in the ass to hike back up the hill each time with my ligament. Well at first. I dosed up with some pain meds, then took off the brace and then I didn’t feel a thing. But Monday I sure felt it.
So then, on Monday, I just took more pain meds, called in sick to work, and Sweetheart and I stripped down to our underwear and cleaned the house while dancing to the Gorillaz. They’re my favorite to clean the house to. And I can only clean while I’m listening to music. And I love to be in my underwear while I’m cleaning. It’s the bee’s knees.
While we were cleaning, I saw the Shadowy Guy. I was like where the fuck have you been? Sweetheart asked me who I was talking to and I was a little disappointed. I was hoping that since she was all hippyness and spiritual and purish that maybe she’d be keen to otherwordly phenomenon. Is otherworldly meaning supernatural or meaning aliens? Aliens I think, so never mind that. Anyway, so he was just standing there. I think the Shadowy Guy is gay though, the Shadowy Gay, because he seems to appear when I’m naked, half naked, or jerking off. Whatever, I kind of am done with him. I wish he would take a powder.
(I like slang from the 1920s and I think I will use it sometimes here.)
I also like the name Agent McPudding which I made up. I feel like making a character out of Agent McPudding. Maybe he will be a detective from the 1920s. That would make him a dick.
Sweetheart looks nice in her underwear. She has this cream colored underwear it’s almost the same color as her skin, so at a glance it almost looks like she’s naked. I love it. And her bra doesn’t have all that padding and shit so you can see the outline of her tits which is hot. It was hard not to clean and get horny. Yeah it was hard. And since I was in my underwear, she noticed, so we fucked and then resumed cleaning. We drank wine, got high, and I smoked tons of cigarettes while we cleaned. So we kind of obliterated the fresh clean apartment smell.
Then there was a knock at the door. Sweetheart and I answered together in our underwear. I had a joint hanging out of my mouth and I was out on the roof (20s slang for drunk). It was a newly lit joint but I pulled it into my mouth and chewed and swallowed it when I saw it was my mother at the door. Sweetheart was like, who’s this? I was like, this is my mom. Sweetheart said, “Oh hi, excuse me.” And ran into the bedroom. I let my mom in and also went into the bedroom to get dressed.
My mom was like, “oh I’m sorry to drop by, but I tried to call and you didn’t answer your phone.”
I had the music too loud so I didn’t hear my cell ring.
“It’s ok mom, want some wine?”
“It’s 10 in the morning.”
“It’s that early? Oh, well we’re cleaning.”
“Are you going to introduce me?”
“Oh yeah, this is Sweetheart. Sweetheart, this is my mom.”
“Sweetheart? Is that your real name?”
Sweetheart responded, “No that’s just what Grimm calls me since he doesn’t know my name. I’m Elaina.”
And I thought….nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I did not want to know her name, damnit. I’ve been with her all this time, she’s been my squeeze, my babe, my kitten, and I never knew her name. I didn’t think it was disrespectful, only cool. I was hoping to get really fucked up then, so I could black that out.
My mom looked at me and was like, “You’re hanging out with this girl practically naked and you don’t know her name??” And she gave me a look like, ‘how could I have raised such a dog for a son?’
“Well it was just a cool thing.”
“Cool, you think?”
“Mom, why are you here, we’re kind of busy and I want to get back to cleaning before I lose the momentum.”
“I just wanted to see you, you don’t come visit much anymore. Why don’t you bring Elaina by sometime for dinner?”
Sweetheart said, “I would love that!!” Because she’s so freakin’ charming and sweet, a real sweetheart. But I don’t want my mom to repeat her name again because then I might remember it. But now I’m thinking way too much about it and it might imbed itself deep into my long term memory. Fuck.
My mom suggested over the weekend because she knows I work Mon – Fri until 8pm. So I guess we’ll be going there Saturday. Sweetheart is all excited because she wasn’t close with her mom so she loved meeting mine. I was a little caught off guard that she just showed up but I do love my mom, she’s really cool. She’s the cat’s meow.
She gave me a kiss and a hug and asked me if I needed anything, food, groceries, money, a ride somewhere, anything at all. That just makes me feel guilty for being a palooka. But I was like no, thanks, see you Saturday. Then she waved to Sweetheart and said, “Bye Elaina, nice meeting you.” And now I definitely won’t forget her name. Shit. I guess it’s not really a big deal, I’ll still call her Sweetheart. But every time I say “Sweetheart” I’m going to think “Elaina” especially now that I just wrote it down.
After I closed the door, I turned and Sweetheart had already stripped back down to her underwear. Elaina, Elaina, wherefore art thou, Elaina? Eh, what’s in a name, anyway. This dame is no doubt the bee’s knees.
previous Grimm 58: Sharly’s Concerns & Grimm the Slacker http://wp.me/p41c99-9P
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