“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 56: Grimm’s Philosophy of Stroking

February 17, 2013

Last night I finally saw last week’s “Walking Dead” which was pretty cool, it was just kind of setting up scenarios, situations, potential plot points.  I went to my parents’ house to watch it On Demand.  I went all by myself because I used to do a lot of shit alone but now Pete and Sweetheart are like my sidekicks, so I just kinda wanted to go on my own.  My mom made me supper so that was cool.  She wanted me to spend the night but I was like nah, because I wanted to come home where the coke and other shit was.  Besides, she kept telling me I didn’t look well and so that was kind of annoying to be ceaselessly told that you look like shit.  When I was ready to leave, my mom drove me home.

Before I left, I went into my old bedroom, which is now a guest room, and jerked off.  I can’t jerk off at my place so much anymore.  Sweetheart’s always there so I don’t really need to jerk off, even though I like it.  It’s kind of a hobby of mine.  Then Pete’s always there, when he’s not working, and I feel weird if I think he hears me because I can moan kind of loud.  It’s hard to jerk off in the shower because of my leg, so sometimes I sit in the tub while I’m showering and give myself a good pull.

At my parents’ house, they were downstairs, and I tried to be quiet.  As a result I made some strange noises.  Then I realized that jerking off has some of the same effects as having a stroke.  Which is kind of interesting when you consider that jerking off is basically stroking yourself.  Of course, I’m not making light of it, it’s just an observation.  So here are the symptoms of a stroke:

SUDDEN HEADACHE – So when I stroke myself, if I’m trying to be quiet, I can give myself a headache.  That’s often because I might hold my breath to prevent my breathing from being too heavy.  That makes me think of the people into the auto erotic asphyxiation.  They must get headaches from preventing oxygen flow to the brain.  I’ve never done that, and I never will, I’m not interested in dying with a belt around my throat, my dick in my hand, and stupid grin on my face.  Well, I guess I don’t grin when I’m wanking (love that word), but whatever.

NUMBNESS IN THE FACE, LEGS, AND/OR ARMS – Yeah, I can go numb, like I feel nothing but the testosterone or endorphins or whatever the chemical hormonal biology is that takes place after I shoot a load.  That can last a while, those after effects.  Then I’m like tingling and shit, so sort of numb.

DIZZINESS – Yeah don’t ask me to stand up right away if I jerk off while lying down, because then maybe I’ll just fall right over.  Preferably, the lying down period will take some time.

CONFUSION – Sometimes I’m like, shit, where am I, was I too loud, did anyone hear me.  That’s because I was just in the jerking zone.

TROUBLE SPEAKING – Yeah after I can babble, like b-bl-bl-bbblb-bl mmmmmm and then drool.

Well ok that’s my comparison anyway.  The major differences are that jerking off is good for the body, and jerking off doesn’t have the potential to cause long term or permanent debilitation.  So yeah, those symptoms are pretty bad.

That recent day that Pete caught me stroking it, I was like what the fuck Pete, you should have walked away, and this is what he described, roughly in these words:

He said, “Well, imagine you caught Emma masturbating.  Your first reaction would be surprise, then arousal.  Then you’d want so much to watch that it would be hard to pull yourself away.  And you realize that she doesn’t know you’re standing there.  So you begin this internal debate that involves guilt and the thrill to be watching, and fear that you’ll get caught.  All these things kind of freeze you up and you can’t move, because you’re so consumed by trying to decide whether you should stay or go.  You watch her and it’s so hot, then you know it’s wrong.  But then you think that if you move, you will make a sound and get caught.  And before you know it she starts to orgasm and by then you’re just glued there with the image so vivid that you’ve got the most intense jerk off material implanted permanently in your mind.  Then you’re caught.”

My responses came in this order:

1. Emma masturbating, drool, pant pant, heard nothing what Pete said at first.  Then it all filtered in, and…

2. Pete, wtf, you’re going to be using the image of me stroking it as jerk off material?!?!!

So damn that’s just bizarre, but I guess a little flattering, and I suppose his argument makes sense, I can understand the challenges of not walking away.  I’m not so modest anyway.  If it had been Sweetheart or another girl I wouldn’t have minded, it would have been kind of a turn on actually.  But Pete.  Damn.  I don’t need to go into more detail about why I have an issue with that.

Anyway, I have a philosophy about jerking off, because I genuinely enjoy doing it even though I have regular sex.


My name is Wall Grimm and this is my philosophy.

If you masturbate regularly, meaning within the proper frameworks of boundaries that don’t include any kind of deviance or compulsion, then it means you love yourself.  You know best how to make yourself feel good, so if you take time to do that each day, at least once per day, though I sometimes do it more often than that, then you are able to liberate yourself from personal constraints, and just let go and experience the purest pleasure.  And that’s nice that you take the time for yourself to do that, because you’re worth it.  Awwww that’s so freaking mushy and sentimental.

And damn.  All this talk about jerking off has made me horny.  While Pete and Sweetheart are still sleeping, I think I’m going to have meself a bit of a wank.


previous Grimm 55: A Valentine Poem for Emma http://wp.me/p41c99-9s

next Grimm 57: Punk, The Blues, & Change http://wp.me/p41c99-9L

For a chronological list of links to all the journal entries, refer to the Journal Entries Index Page http://wp.me/P41c99-J

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Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 51-75 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

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10 thoughts on ““The Journal of Wall Grimm” 56: Grimm’s Philosophy of Stroking

  1. Desiree G

    All I can do is laugh.

  2. Desiree G

    No wanking while writing?? Sorry, I could not resist!!

    • You know I had a feeling you might come back with something like that. I almost clarified that I meant laughing, not jerking off lol

  3. Desiree G

    I’m certain passionate Sicilian men can write, stroke and laugh at the same time. ;)

  4. I will use the example of this goof-ball to improve myself.


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