“The Journal of Wall Grimm” 40: The New Journal, the Accidental Gay Experience, & the Hippy

January 13, 2013

I haven’t written in my journal for a long time for these reasons:

1.  Someone pilfered my journal.  Yeah, that happened.  I will tell you Invisible Journal Reading people all about it at a later time…

2.  When I recovered my journal, the pilferer had used the final pages in order to write messages intended for me.  I will share some of those messages with you also at a later time…

3.  Once I realized I had run out of pages, I went on pursuit for a new journal.  This was a challenging task.  I went from store to store and searched high and low.  I bought a couple and scrawled some entries that looked something like this:

“MY NAME IS WALL GRIMM AND THIS IS MY NEW JOURNAL    ah fucking hell damnit I hate it”

“Today was dumb, I brushed my stupid teeth, are you happy now?  Are you satisfied?”


Those were three of the journals I selected.  Finally I started to just grab journals and sit in the store holding them for periods of time.  This felt like the right approach.  Then I realized I was still trying too hard, but on the right track.  So I thought I’d get really high, then go fondle some journals.  One day, I was sitting in Barnes and Noble, with this journal in my lap.  I was fingering the pages, looking at the cover.  Then Billie Holiday began playing over the speaker and I knew it was the right journal.  I will explain…

My name is Wall Grimm and this is my new journal.


Billie Holiday, especially when combined with red wine, makes me horny.  Maybe I should clarify.  The sound of her voice, the music, the melody, is so sad and deep and soothing it just moves through my blood like a drug and reaches the passionate part of me deep inside.  I get so passionate about things sometimes it feels like a need for sex.  Then I get horny.  Sounds like I’m a pervert freak, but it just means I’m passionate.

So now I’m listening to Billie Holiday singing “Summertime” and drinking cheap chianti and making my first journal entry of both the journal and the new year.  Yeah, my old buddy journal missed all the debauchery, this I will tell you about later as well…

Dear Imaginary Journal Reading People, we have a lot of catching up to do, I have a lot to share, a lot to fill you in on, particularly about Emma, Lauren, and Pete, so stay tuned…

For now, I will tell you one story.


This is the story about my accidental homosexual experience.  My friends and I went to a rave Friday night and got real high on ecstasy.  I like dancing at raves sometimes, just kind of letting the music move your body, mostly while you have your eyes closed.  You can feel the bodies around you, and it’s like a cosmic kind of thing, microcosmic in a small world within a world, just the energy, every sense is heightened.  Friday night I was really lost in it, and then sometimes you get so lost like that and you get a little dizzy because you feel like you’re floating away, and the floor drops out beneath you so I moved over by the wall to kind of lean.  This guy comes beside me and says “you’re hot.”  Since I learned my friend Pete is gay, I always think when I encounter a gay guy, ‘what if this was Pete’  I don’t know why, maybe I just want to be sure to treat him right.  Not that I’d be prejudiced otherwise, since I never was.  But it’s just a little weird when a gay guy that you don’t know tells you you’re hot.  Maybe he thought I was gay, who knows.  But I was high on ecstasy which ALTERS EVERYTHING.

So instead of my saying, “thanks but I’m straight,” I got kind of a little too flattered and said “thanks” because if a gay guy approaches a strange straight guy in a bar and says “you’re hot” if you’re that guy, be flattered, because it means you probably are, since the guy is risking getting his ass kicked to tell you.  Just say, “thanks but I’m straight” then there will be peace on Earth.  Or on one piece of Earth, which can spread.

Then he said, “can I touch you?”  And I was like, yeah, which was a mistake.  Because when you’re on E, every touch feels sooooooo good.  So he touched my arm and slowly moved onto my chest, and as he moved his hand down to my abdomen and began rubbing my stomach, that’s when I got hard.  Now I don’t think I need to explain that I’m not gay, but again, when you’re on E, every possibility is beautiful.  It’s kind of like a psychological orgy is constantly taking place and you’re ceaselessly on the verge of orgasm.  Hence the name Ecstasy.

So I get hard and I think he must have noticed my arousal because then he slid his hand over my crotch and started feeling me.  I think I may have moaned, and he started kissing my neck when Dave came over.  He said, “Grimm, what the fuck, that’s a dude.”  I opened my eyes, and said, “oh yeah, oops.”

So, yeah, I walked away, hard as hell, and zeroed in on the first girl who looked like a hippy, because hippy girls on E are easy.  They love everyone, and sex is all about love for them.  I’m not a dog, I just needed a little more than my hand.  Because strangely enough, jerking off on ecstasy is no fun.  You get so caught up in how good it feels, it takes forever, which kind of sucks in a public restroom.

So I find this cute hippy, walk over to her, grab her and start kissing her.  When she seems into it enough, I pick her up, while still kissing her, and carry her over to Dave, get the keys to his car, and I carry her to the car.  Then we had some fun, and there we spent the rest of the night, laughing and talking, after the sex of course.  But by the time Dave and them came out to leave, the car was out of gas, because we had it running for the heat, but forgot to turn it off now and then.  So we had to walk, and she came home with me, where Lauren is no longer staying (I’ll explain later…), but Pete is (I’ll explain later….)

Now it’s early Sunday morning and she’s still here, and I still don’t know her name.  I kind of like knowing people intimately without knowing their names.  It makes my life mysterious.  But what I want to know is why people never seem to want to leave my apartment once they get here.

Anyway, you and and I have a lot of catching up to do, Imaginary Journal Reading People.  In the meanwhile, I have a hippy in my bed and a Pete on my sofa, an Emma in my heart, and too many drugs in my soul.


previous Grimm 39: The Night at Pete’s, & Dolores http://wp.me/p41c99-6D

next Grimm 41:  Pete & Grimm’s Punk Philosophy http://wp.me/p41c99-6O

For a chronological list of links to all the journal entries, refer to the Journal Entries Index Page http://wp.me/P41c99-J

For posts that aren’t journal entries, feel free to explore the Categories in the left side bar or the other pages above, including the Character Directories which list the posts each character is mentioned in.

Categories: JOURNAL ENTRIES 26-50 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

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26 thoughts on ““The Journal of Wall Grimm” 40: The New Journal, the Accidental Gay Experience, & the Hippy

  1. Desiree G

    Yep, I have a lot of thoughts on this one.

  2. Desiree G

    Some of it has to do with my curiosity about the “E” experience. But I have already talked to Wall in depth about that. But the writing here does nothing to discourage the desire to explore it. “It’s kind of like a psychological orgy is constantly taking place and you’re ceaselessly on the verge of orgasm.” — I mean, seriously, how do you expect someone NOT to want THAT?? The part that is most captivating is the psychological orgy —- is it wrong to seek that?

    “I kind of like knowing people intimately without knowing their names.” Isn’t this what we do essentially do online? Even if I don’t know where you live or what color your eyes are, am I not learning the most intimate details about you from your writing?

    Hippy girls — are there really such things in 2013?

    • Yeah, sorry about that tempting description. But it can easily lead to a serious dependency. I don’t know, I’m just glad drugs are out of my life and that I survived. I know people who didn’t, so I’d never condone it. In Grimm’s journal, I had concerns that I was glamorizing it too much, but eventually Grimm has repercussions. That’s all I’ll say about Grimm. And that’s a good analogy about knowing people online. My eyes are brown btw, you see one of my eyes in my gravatar profile. And yeah you are learning many details about me, but don’t forget some of it is fiction ;) There are hippy girls, and believe it or not there are still communes.

      • Desiree G

        I will wait and read about Grimm’s repercussions until I delve deeper into my E curiosity. No comment on the brown eyes — you’ll understand why when you read myl latest post this morning. ;)
        And actually, I know that even when people enjoy “real life” relationships, some of what we portray is fiction. And the part that is not fiction is sometimes believed otherwise.
        Is a nudist colony the same as a commune? If so, there is one that I am aware of (never been, though) in NC.

        • Well a nudist colony can be a commune, but a commune isn’t always a nudist colony, if that makes sense. And that’s true, in relationships, there is no way to know a person as intimately as they know themselves. There will always be things we don’t know about people, whether or not it is something that’s personal or just dishonesty. Ok, and I’m going to your blog now because I’m curious about your post.

        • Ok lol you like brown eyes I take it.

          • Desiree G

            I like when men write about women with brown or hazel eyes, because I think they are often neglected. As far as what color I’m attracted to — I can’t really say the color matters nearly as much as what is conveyed in their depths. But I do find a lot more “mystery” in men with brown eyes.

          • I like brown eyes for women. But I always wished I had blue eyes. These days though, I’ve more pride in my Sicilian heritage so I like them brown. I think I’ll keep them.

          • Desiree G

            I have considered colored contacts. But it would be my luck that I would get some horrible eye infection and become partially blind.
            With your Sicilian heritage, do you have a great knowledge of wine?
            And yes, please keep your eyes.

          • Shamefully no I don’t. But I have a great knowledge of pasta lol

          • Desiree G

            Completely off topic, but I am very curious. Do you have “fictional” Facebook friends? There have been several times that I have wanted to “like” someone’s FB page or add them to Google+, only to remember that “Desiree” doesn’t have FB or G+. Do you recommend having fabricated sites for my pseudonym?

          • That’s a good question. I don’t have a fb account for my real name, only my pseudonym. I remember you said you wanted to friend me but then changed your mind because it had all your personal information. So if you think it helps you to connect with the writing community in a more private manner, and especially since you’re active online as Desiree, I’d say it’s a good idea. But that’s if you want to expand your online presence with the pseudonym. All my followers on the blog, fb, twitter, are all ‘strangers’ from online, except for only 2 people. I was thinking the other day how many more I’d have if I told all my friends and people I know in real life about my penname, but then I realized I kind of don’t want them to read my stuff lol

          • Desiree G

            I have exactly two people in RL that know about this blog. There are others I want to tell but I’m not quite brave enough. Most of the people in my life would want to ask questions that I really don’t want to face. I’ll think about the FB and G+ for Desiree. I am actually creating a fictional blog and G+ page for a character in my novel as part of an assignment for a MOOC that I am currently taking.

          • What’s a MOOC?

          • Desiree G

            Massive Open Online Course — It’s called The Future of Storytelling. I think over 70,000 people around the world are enrolled at this time.

          • That’s cool, you like it?

          • Desiree G

            It is much more enjoyable than I imagined. It has introduced me to media concepts I was not previously aware of. It makes me think, but gives me a full week to take in each lesson and complete the weekly assignment. It is well-paced and extremely interactive — you gain perspective on Storytelling from all cultures. Will it make be a better writer? Only time will tell. Does it challenge me? Yes.

          • Awesome, I’d like to do something like that, but I’m still recovering from Grad School. I want to get my PhD someday. But maybe that’s only so people will call me Dr. ;)

          • Desiree G

            Guess what? You can always change your pseudonym to Dr. Sage Doyle — and no one will be any the wiser. ;)

          • lmao that’s a great idea

  3. Dr. Doyle, that Egyptian guy has a huge erection. Did you know Gypsy was short for Egyptian, and used by people who were like “You have a dark complexion, you must by Gypsian.”?

    • lol yeah that’s the ithyphallic Amon-Re, often called Min, sometimes painted blue. hmmm. And no, I didn’t know that, but it would be an interesting fact for Grimm to know, since he’s Gypsy and fascinated with the Egyptians.

    • Oh, where did you find that info btw?

      • Cracked.com did a list of 10 terms you didn’t know were racist. So when you are saying “I paid too much, I got gyped!” you actually said “I paid too much, it’s like I got tricked by an Gypsy!” and you actually ACTUALLY said “I paid too much, I got tricked by an Egyptian!”

        • Yeah, I heard about that expression before, but I didn’t know about the Egyptian part, very interesting.


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