November 16, 2012
Ok I went to the library yesterday before work and came across the movie “Tiptoes” starring Gary Oldman. Yes I go to the library, I’m smart, remember not to underestimate my intelligence. (Grimm addresses imaginary people). Besides I don’t have cable, I only watch Netflix. I don’t do illegal downloading or get into Hulu or anything because I don’t watch much TV anyway besides “The Walking Dead” which is AWESOME. And there are no more video stores and Redbox suck because there’s often a line at this little fucking vending machine/video store. Every person takes 20 minutes as they search through what they want. And in the Winter it sucks if the hosting establishment is cruel enough to keep it outside. So whatever, let’s keep the libraries open please. Read books, borrow DVD’s.
Anyway Gary Oldman, yeah. I thought oh no what the fuck is this film. But knowing my man Gary, I thought I’d give it a chance, give him the benefit of the doubt, so I watched it last night. I haven’t seen all his movies, but so far the worst one was “Hannibal” that movie sucked, except it was kind of interesting to see Ray Liotta eating his own brain. That part was both stupid and funny.
So whatever, first I thought why get Gary Oldman to play a little person since I’m sure there are plenty of talented little people to take on the role, I think little person is the correct term anyway. But then I realized it was more about the character and the person than the fact that he happened to be a little person. Besides it’s Gary Oldman, I mean, this guy… And I was looking at his IMDB site and apparently he had a little lapse between “Hannibal” and “Tiptoes” especially since the next thing listed after “Hannibal” is his appearance in a two part episode of “Friends.” Yeah, “Friends” Gary Oldman was on “Friends.” I’ve never seen an episode of this show, but I’ve…heard…things…
I forgive you Gary Oldman.
Even though he is now acknowledged enough to have landed the roles of Sirius Black and Commissioner Gordon, he’s the most underappreciated actor.
So he plays a little person and does an awesome job, don’t ever expect less from my man Gary. I believed he was a little person. He must have acted on his knees the entire film. And the movie was actually really good, I liked it. Patricia Arquette’s a wank worthy pleasure, as is kick ass Kate Beckinsale, not so kick ass in “Tiptoes.” Fuck “Twilight” for a real battle between werewolves and vampires, watch “Underworld” with kick ass Kate Beckinsale in her black latex…..
I digress… (always wanted to find a way to slip this expression into any context, and Kate Beckinsale’s latex is a worthy cause for digression).
One thing I don’t know about is why the movie was called “Tiptoes” I might have missed that part, maybe it has meaning, maybe I was taking a piss during that scene, or maybe I went temporarily catatonic, which pot has the potential to do to me. But if there’s no meaning, it’s a dumb title, it’s got to have a meaning. Fucking tiptoes, that’s like talking about a 3 year old not a grown man.
Speaking of which, if I was a little person, I wouldn’t want to be called a little person, which I think is kind of condescending. I’d want to be called something that makes a good acronym. Also, Little Person makes LP which makes me think of Lilliput and yeah there’s a connotation there.
I’d want something like Height Deprived or Height Deficiency HD oh yeah, I could be small but still High Def! HD Grimm at your service!
Or Under The Average Height UTAH uh….no, please.
Shorter Than the Average Guy STAG! Awesome, I’d be a STAG!!! Look out little ladies! Grimm the Stag is headed to your town! And he’s HD!
This makes Yogi Bear STAB, but I wouldn’t want to be associated with Yogi Bear or any other cartoon animal besides Brian Griffin.
Last thing about Gary Oldman, I read online that he’s a favorite for consideration for the next Bond villain. I say, yeahhhhhhh! Let Gary Oldman in on that action, with the coolest Bond Daniel Craig. Though that’s one thing about “Tiptoes” that sets him apart from his other roles that I’ve seen. He’s not the villain, bad guy, antagonist, black sheep, freak, underdog, or unstable antihero. He’s just a nice guy, a really nice guy, so… well done Gary Oldman.
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