October 28, 2012
Last night I went into this chat room for writers because I’ve been thinking about maybe doing something professional with my writing. I’m only writing my journal now because I don’t know I guess I’m distracted. I’ve been kind of avoiding most of my friends because all they do is get high and I’m tired of being high. It just steals all my ambitions. Because when you’re high, you’re content with anything, you’re just relaxed and easily entertained. So it stifles your need for fulfillment. Fulfillment comes when you live life and experience life, and you participate in it. You can’t really participate in life when you’re high, you just observe it from a distance.
Anyway, I’m trying to change my life for the better, but my friends keep coming by and bugging me. I’m trying not to smoke so much pot so they just bring me more cocaine which I am incapable of saying no to. But yesterday I went in this chat room and I spent the day and night chatting, cuz yeah…that’s what you do there. I was asking about writing and everybody seemed pretty cool and helpful. This girl pm’d me so we were talking in private for several hours. Her name was hopelikefire. I went in as Grimm so everyone figured I was a fan of the Brothers Grimm and all those old fairy tales and stuff, kind of creepy stories. Which I guess I am but that’s just a coincidence. So yeah this girl was pretty cool. I never went into chat rooms before because I was just always busy hanging out with real people, but this was cool because it was like time alone yet with company. And I could just get offline anytime I wanted without anyone bugging me.
So hopelikefire is married and 33 years old. She showed me her pic and she’s pretty cute. I showed her mine and she said I was cute. I don’t mind being called cute, I kind of like it actually, so that was cool. She was being all sweet and I don’t know, maybe she wants to fuck me but we didn’t talk like that since she’s married and everything. She also has a little girl, so she’s a mom. So I was telling her I wanted to be a writer and she was encouraging and stuff, she made me feel worthwhile which was cool.
What I found interesting was that being in this chat box was kind of liberating in a way. I felt like I could say anything I wanted. I wished though I didn’t use my name Grimm though because then I couldn’t really be anonymous. But I was telling her about how I was trying to get my life together but that it was rough, I didn’t know how to do it. It’s like I need a freakin’ college degree ‘How to Get a Life’. She was all, “aww” and everything, I think she was getting maternal on me, which was sweet. Yeah, she’s sweet. Too bad she’s married and too bad she’s kind of not real, in a cyber kind of way. But ok here it is on my list of confessions, damnit, I’m in love with Emma. And I told this girl that, so she was telling me I should just tell Emma how I feel. Honestly, I think Emma would laugh at me. I couldn’t live with that. That would break me irreparably. I didn’t tell hopelikefire that much, but it’s the truth. Hopelikefire says I’m cute and sweet, so yeah, I like her, she’s cool.
This Grimm posting includes the character hopelikefire as suggested by my friend @justbishop http://www.ashleyheckman.com/
previous Grimm 21: Ayla, Dave, & Wall Grimm’s Insight http://wp.me/p41c99-4T
next Grimm 23: Samhain http://wp.me/p41c99-53
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