October 7, 2012
I just got home from some girl’s house and I don’t know her name. This is the story of how we met. John, Emma, Jay, and I went to a Rave. We all did ecstasy except for Emma. Emma doesn’t do any drugs so I don’t know why she came with us. She was kind of flirting with John so I wandered away. It was around the time the E started to hit me. After the twenty minutes of feeling like I was going to puke. Then I felt awesome and the music was intense. Everything was perfect but I kept drinking and going out to smoke. Things in my mouth were beautiful. The moment I wasn’t smoking and could put my drink down, I had lost my friends by then, I leaned against the wall and the music penetrated me. It started to move me and it was like a spiritual orgasm, spiritual but still in my pants.
Then I saw her. She was dancing and she had kind of partly short, partly long hair in all the wrong places. She had white hair with streaks of green. Green always kind of made me want to throw up when I was drinking or drugged. But she just reminded me of Christmas for some reason so then I was thinking she was my present.
She was dancing with her head down. It wasn’t even like she was dancing it was like the music was playing her like an instrument. I wasn’t in control anymore, like I was some kind of puppet I was pulled over to her. Her head was down and she didn’t see me coming. I walked right up to her and she was so lost in the music and I was lost in her. Her movement made me kind of move a little too, then she looked up at me and I just stared into her eyes, it was like my eyes were making love to her eyes and she felt it I know she did. Then we were wrapped around each other and moving together. I was so lost and so high on ecstasy, before I knew it we were fucking in the back seat of a cab. The cab driver didn’t even care. I’ve been high on E and fucking her at her place since Friday night. I don’t think I said goodbye to my friends. Or Emma. I just got home and my lungs are killing me because when I do E I chain smoke like mad. I don’t even know what that girl’s name was or if she knew mine. I don’t remember ever speaking, not one word between us. We didn’t eat or drink, just wine and E and smokes and each other.
Now it’s really fucking early on Sunday morning. She pointed to the calendar on her phone and it said “Church.” Then she showed me the door. I can’t remember where she lives and now what she looks like is kind of vague. Come to think of it, the entire weekend is kind of vague. I only remember what happened and feel awesome about that. But I don’t remember it as if it’s my own experience. It’s like the memory of watching a really good movie. You experience it, but it essentially doesn’t pertain to you at all.
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