October 8, 2012
The guys were over, not Emma because she never hangs out with those guys. I don’t know why she came with us to the Rave the other night, but she was flirting with John, so I thought then. I figured she came because she wanted him. But John said that she was talking about me and he didn’t get any kind of vibe from her that she wanted him. Anyway, they were over and Jeff told me that his father’s friend needs someone to work in his shop. I’m not sure what kind of shop it is. It could be a garage, it could be a convenience store, he could be a freakin’ barber for all I know. But I need a job and so I was like, yeah, I can work in a shop. Then Jeff got me high.
First I was like, no way, man because if he wanted me to go that day to his dad’s friend’s shop, then I probably shouldn’t get high. But Jeff said, it’s some good stuff, so I caved. He said he’d take me there after. Some time later, who knows how long, Jeff was asleep on my couch, John was in my room either playing World of Warcraft or watching porn on my lap top, and I decided to clean my apartment, go figure.
I put on The Gorillaz, listening to “Feel Good” I was sweeping ashes off my kitchen floor, kind of dancing, and I turned and saw the shadowy figure. I can’t remember the last time I saw him, but I dropped the broom. I was frozen in my position, not from fear, but from uncertainty, I had no idea what to do, or if I should say something. I said, “Hey, man.”
He just stood there looking kind of like the Grim Reaper and I thought, oh no, I’m Grimm. Maybe he’s the Grimm Reaper. Maybe it’s my time. I keep having dreams and visions of Kathy and it almost feels like she wants me to join her. Is that what I’m meant to do? Kill myself? Or is this a warning that I will be dying because it’s my time. Or maybe it’s a slap in the face because my life is currently a train wreck and the way I’m living is killing me. That’s probably it, as I think about the losers that were in my apartment. I had ambitions once. I’m not stupid, what the fuck is my problem?
So this guy is either the Grim Reaper, and I don’t know how he works, what his plan is, or if he’s some kind of vampire, evil spirit, unrested soul, or a dementor.
So we just stared at each other, I think he was staring, I couldn’t see eyes, but he was facing my direction, if he had a face…whatever. The next thing I knew, Jeff was shaking me awake from having been asleep on my kitchen floor, saying “we gotta go to the shop.” I said, never mind, I can’t work in a shop, I don’t know how, and I told him to leave. I don’t know if the shadowy guy is really a reaper, or an omen, or I’m dying, or I’ve lost my fucking mind. I just want a normal life, I don’t want these visions anymore. Not even of Kathy.
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