September 24, 2012
I went camping over the weekend. From Friday until today which is Monday. Obviously I go without technology except my cell for emergency purposes so I brought my notebook and did some writing that way, which I do a lot more than people might think. I like to go to go to public places alone and just sit there and observe people and see things differently, just open my eyes to things I don’t see when I’m talking or out with friends.
I’ve been reading about Ancient Egypt and I’m into Ankhs lately. Ankhs are life and living and have so many meanings, it’s really deep. Ankhs are the force of creation, the force of destruction and resurrection. Ankh is the invisibility of breath. The Ankh is the mystery of the gods but it’s kind of undefinable. There’s no explanation of the Ankh that accurately touches it. Ankhs have been thought to depict sandals or sandal straps, or even hand mirrors. It’s also interpreted as intellect and wisdom. The Ankh is a key that not only brings life and breath but also is the instrument that bestows life and breath. The symbol of the Ankh has become a part of our contemporary world, which will someday also be considered ancient.
My tongs remind me of Ankhs and I’m seeing the shape everywhere in nature now. Friday night by the campfire, I was the Fire Keeper, I always am. I build the fire and tend to the fire, and I keep it going, I don’t let it die down. Fire needs air in order to burn, to live so I was kind of like the breath giving Ankh. But I was tending the fire, being in a zone when I’m in my own space and I get real quiet and people know I’m just in the moment, watching the flames and feeling calm. I looked beyond the fire into the woods where it was pitch black. I saw a form that freaked me out. It was almost like an Ankh or like a man, like an Ankh man or man Ankh but it was limber like a man and his head wasn’t so big, but don’t get me wrong I wasn’t seeing an alien or anything. Maybe Ankhs depicted aliens. Anyway, I saw this foreboding image, it gave me a chill, like something dark, but not necessarily evil. Just like doom or melancholy. Some kind of darkness seeping under my skin. I swear this thing looked at me. I don’t know what it was, but maybe I was hallucinating. But then I tried to focus on the fire again, because that thing scared the hell out of me but the fire was peaceful.
But that’s ok because the best peace is found in the hell. When you suffer, and there’s a moment of nothing, you take that moment and let it happen, and take it as the peace it is, because it won’t last, but that doesn’t mean it was never there. There’s always peace to be found, you just have to pay attention.
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