September 19, 2012
I want to go camping soon. It’s a great time for camping. But there’s getting to be that bright sunshine and bitter air, which is actually the best time for campfires. Right now I smell terrible. Like garlic. Usually I like the smell of garlic but today I just smell really bad. I ate so much of it yesterday. At 23 I think I’m getting old. I can’t function like I used to with chaotic sleep patterns. I’m in the process of trying to change all that. Going to bed maybe around 11:00pm then getting up at 6:00am. That would be just swell. What a stupid fucking word, ‘swell’. I’ve always wanted to squash grapes with my feet and make wine, or even grape juice. I need some hard core discipline. I’ve been dizzy lately. Too little food, too much booze, too many drugs. I just want to fix things and live a normal fucking life.
Danika and I were walking in the woods and there was a tree someone said a person hung himself there. I can’t let it absorb into my brain that Kathy killed herself. I never saw her too often the past year or so, so it still feels like she is available if I want to see her. I can’t accept that she is dead. I can’t accept that she killed herself. I know it, but I don’t feel it. I feel it, but I don’t know it. That might not make sense to anyone, but I know what I mean.
John, Randy, Pete, and I were driving out to Western Mass yesterday to look at a cool red car for sale, I think it was a Ferrari but I was too messed up and hungover to remember to pay attention to that detail. We talked John out of it because it was a cop magnet. That’s the last thing we need is a magnet that attracts cops. We need a car that is the polar opposite to cops.
I’ve had a lot of friends who were bikers so I’m cool with motorcycles. And yeah I’m ok with the fact that they need some extra consideration and notice on the road. But I have to say that doesn’t give them any excuse to ride like idiots or do stupid fucking things while they are on the road with me, or disregard traffic laws like they’re privileged. Now I’m no saint and I haven’t obeyed all the laws myself but a biker just pissed me off. He was turning left and had his signal on one turn too early so I went to pull out then he got pissed off at me. I was like, according to your signal you should’ve turned sooner. I wonder if he prematurely ejaculates like he prematurely signals. I wanted to say that to him but I had somewhere to go.
Today I’m going to watch old Dracula movies and Edgar Allan Poe movies with Vincent Price. I’m going to close all the blinds and sit in darkness. It’s 3:00pm, I just got home and this was my important event on my agenda. Get out of bed by 1 or 2pm (done) go to the liquor store (done) avoid killing a biker (done) roll a couple and get high (in progress) watch Dracula and Edgar Allan Poe (in the works). It’s a good day for darkness and being high. Tomorrow I’ll get my shit together and do something constructive with my life.
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